Please Stop Acting Like You Care
by THIS-IS-NOT-SPARTA
Summary: Antonio is the new Spanish teacher at the boarding school he used to attend. Aside from teaching, he has also been asked to befriend and mentor Lovino, a troubled teenager on a path of self destruction after causing an accident that ruined many lives. Can Antonio save him from himself, even when his own world falls apart? Suicideattempt/BoyxBoy/Bullying/selfharm
1. Memories

**Hello people! For anyone who was awaiting the USUK thing, this isn't it xD I will write that though, just... I HAD to do this D: It wouldn't leave me alone. I even had dreams about this damn plot bunny man! **

**I have exams to revise for, damnit! **

**Oh well. I needed to practice writing Spain and Romano as I haven't before and I find them the hardest to do, so I apologise if this is OOC. Though, I must add that some characters will be kindof OOC, I wanted to write a darker aspect to their personalities. Anyway, enough from me. **

**I don't own Hetalia, or any song lyrics I use, or the pen I used to write down this plot bunny. They were/are all borrowed for my own convenience.**

**BoyXBoy, Self-Harm, mentions of Suicide, teenage angst, Bullying, rating WILL go up! **

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_**Zaklinam bezlitosny czas**_  
_**Ten ból i żal co rośnie w nas**_

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Antonio stood before the large school building that was to become his new workplace. The only thing on his mind was how it hadn't changed at all since he had attended the boarding school nearly a decade ago. The large concrete building was still painted a pastel pink which made it look like a large square sweet with windows and a large glass door. The Spaniard grinned fondly at the memories of his school days, his friends and all the trouble they had managed to cause. They were always causing havoc somewhere, but only Gilbert would really get into any trouble. The teachers liked Antonio too much and Francis had been too much of a flirt to get detention.

Deciding he had spent enough time reminiscing, Antonio headed up and into the building. Besides, he would see his friends again soon. They both worked in the school as teachers themselves now, so the Bad Touch Trio would be reunited once more.

_But first…_ "Mr Wang." Antonio muttered at the note he had written himself and an immature giggle burst from his lips. _How did I become a teacher? I just laughed at my Boss' surname! Oh Dios mio I'd hate to imagine what Gilbert was like in his interview. _Antonio couldn't help a fond smirk at the image of his albino friend trying to suppress his rather unusual laugh upon finding out the principal's name. The teacher looked around, suddenly realising that the inside of the school had changed, classrooms were now where closets were before, and he had no idea where he was going. He looked around, trying to spot either a clue or a person that could help him. _It's so empty… School doesn't officially start until tomorrow, but there aren't even any teachers around! I would have thought at least somebody would be here to be doing last minute work or something…_

Upon finding nothing, he began to walk around when he heard the sounds of something around the corner he was coming up to. "Hello? Is anyone there? I was wondering where the principal's office was?" He asked, turning the corner.

When he rounded the corner he saw a young teenager, sitting on the floor with knees to his chest, hunched over them. A large curl protruding from the side of his head bobbed as he let out shaky breaths.

"Hola…Are you okay amigo?" The Spaniard asked nervously, crouching down beside the boy. The teen nodded without lifting his head from where it rested on his knees, the action causing the curl to bounce even more. Antonio sat down on the ground beside the boy and rubbed the teens back gently. "Do you want to talk?" He asked and the teenager let out a soft sob. Antonio wrapped his arms around the boy and made gently shushing noises. The boy wrapped his own arms around Antonio's waist and after a while started to calm down. He pulled away and wiped his face with his sleeve.

"…Grazie." A quiet voice said and the teen managed a weak smile. Antonio smiled at how cute the boy looked, despite his tear-induced red eyes, and patted the boy's head. "Sorry, I don't usually get like that…" The teenager added in the same quiet voice. Antonio wasn't sure how to respond so just nodded and looked around awkwardly.

"Are you here for the memorial?" The younger of the two asked, his voice wavering as he said it.

"Memorial? No… I'm a new teacher. Is that where everyone is?" The teenager nodded in response, wiping his eyes again.

"Didn't you need me to show you somewhere?" The teenager asked, looking up at the Spaniard with large hazel eyes. Antonio nodded.

"If you don't mind, I'm supposed to talk to the principal. But I could find my own way if you don't want to."

"No it's fine, I don't mind." The smaller boy said, his voice a little stronger which allowed Antonio to hear the Italian accent laced within. Antonio smiled gratefully and got to his feet and they headed off together.

"I'm Antonio. Though I guess you're supposed to call me Mr Carriedo… Well either is fine." The Spaniard said with a grin.

"I'm Feliciano, Feliciano Vargas." The teenager replied. He seemed to have calmed down immensely and now had a small smile on his face that looked a lot more natural on him then sadness did.

"Vargas…Vargas…Where do I know that name?" Antonio asked, wracking his brain.

"Oh, uh, Lovino Vargas? Marianna Vargas? Julian Vargas?" Feliciano began listing his relatives and at the last name Antonio perked up.

"Vice Principle Vargas! Julian, oh I remember. Good times. He was always there to bail us out of trouble, unless we really deserved it of course. How is he? Last I heard he was principle here." Antonio said excitably. Everyone loved Julian Vargas; it was something about his personality. He was so fun-loving and free that it was hard not to be drawn-in. Antonio looked over at Feliciano and saw his smile from before had gone and he looked sad again.

"He's…he's dead. The memorial is for him. We hold it for him every year, and my mother Marianna." The Italian said with a shaky voice and Antonio's eyes widened.

"Oh, Lo siento." Antonio said sadly, unsure how he was supposed to react. _Vice principle is dead? When did that happen? I'll have to ask either Francis or Gil about it later._

When the boy let out a dry sob, Antonio wrapped an arm around him reassuringly. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked and the Italian nodded.

"Si, I just don't get like this a lot so when I do it's hard to stop." He muttered and Antonio nodded in agreement, remembering how he had cried for days after his father had passed away and how shocked everyone was. They had all thought he was incapable of sadness.

Finally they got to a hardwood door with "Yao Wang" on the front in bronze letters. After the smaller boy had assured him he would be fine, and Antonio had given him his phone number just-in-case, Antonio finally knocked on the office door.

"Hello, come in –aru." An Asian voice called out from inside the room and Antonio entered. The office was small but nicely decorated with random porcelain figurines and the occasional plush toy. "Please, take a seat." The voice instructed and a Chinese man motioned to an empty chair in front of a large wooden desk with hands covered by the large sleeves of his shirt. Antonio complied and sat down gratefully while the principal sat opposite.

"So…Antonio. I apologise for the urgency of all this, I just really wanted to get a teacher before the school year started-aru." Mr Wang said with a tired expression and Antonio grinned reassuringly.

"It's okay, I was looking for somewhere new anyway. I got a little tired of being an assistant teacher and felt like I needed some more responsibility." At this the Chinese man perked up greatly.

"That's good, I was worried. We are really short on staff right now so everyone is having to take up extra responsibilities. In fact, that's why I wanted to talk to you today. I need to ask you a favour -aru." The principal then looked tired again, and even a little worried.

Antonio shrugged, "Sure, what is it?"

Yao thought intently about how to word his request. He started a couple of times but stopped himself before more than a syllable got out.

"We…have a student here…who is…troubled." The Asian said slowly. "Very troubled." He muttered to himself, running a sleeve-covered hand over his face. "I think… and your friend Mr Beilschmidt assures me… that you might be able to help him." Antonio looked at the man, stunned.

"Me? But, I don't understand sir." He replied obliviously.

"He needs someone, Antonio. When Gilbert described you he said you always see the best in people, and that is exactly what he needs. Someone who won't judge him and has the patience to deal with him -aru. He is a remarkable boy, but won't let anyone see it. And no one else tries, or even wants to try." Antonio nodded slightly, still confused but understanding more about what was wanted from him.

"Okay… I still don't understand what you want me to do though." He said, his brow furrowing in confusion and Yao shrugged.

"Talk to him, -aru. He just needs to not be alone for too long, and maybe watch how the other students act to him. Is that okay?" Yao asked hopefully and Antonio nodded. He didn't know who this boy was but it sounded urgent.

"When will I meet him?" Antonio asked, almost excited about being this boy's new mentor type figure. _Though it almost sounds like I'm this kid's babysitter…_

"Tomorrow, he'll be in your Spanish class. As well as Wednesday afternoon during form-time and Friday afternoon Spanish. Unless you see him before in the dorms –aru, his room is a few doors down from your own." Antonio tried to remember all the information and smiled. "Thank you for this Antonio, that's all I needed to talk to you about, -aru." He offered Antonio his hand and Antonio shook it.

"Thank you sir, I'll see you around." Antonio grinned.

"Call me Yao –aru. And I'm sure you will." The Chinese man replied with a smile. He found the Spanish man's natural brightness contagious and hoped that would help him get his new student to open up at last.

"Oh, one more thing… This student I'm looking after, what's his name?" Antonio asked, rising from the chair and heading to the office door.

"Oh, Lovino -aru. Lovino Vargas."

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**"Zaklinam bezlitosny czas,Ten ból i żal co rośnie w nas." - "I charge a ruthless time, The pain and grief that grows in us." 'Wspomnienie by UnSun (Google translated the lyrics and I am more than a little suspicious of them)**

**Yes, I have started a Spamano story :O I honestly never thought I would write this pairing xD (don't get me wrong, I love the pairing, I just find the two hard to write).**

**So, how did I do? Reviewers get to go skinny dipping with Denmark!**


	2. Meeting

**And the Chosen One returns... **

**Yes, I really did just say that.**

**Yes, I really am that arrogant. **

**Hello, I have come bearing fanfiction! **

**I will be uploading a lot more after this week (hopefully) and will (hopefully) get the UsUk stuff I promised done soon :)**

**I own nothing!**

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_**I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son **_  
_**They're one in the same, I must isolate you…**_  
_**Isolate and save you from yourself …**_

It was about a five minute walk from the school to the boy's dorms and Antonio found he could still remember the way, even after all the years that passed. As he was walking towards the tall grey building, he noticed some of the things around him. Shops that had changed and ones that were still there and the café he and his friends would often spend hours in after school was still standing beside the dormitories. The once yellow and red checked curtains were now a more ivory and pink against windows in severe need of cleaning. Antonio continued past the small café with his usual grin and headed into the dorm building.

The interior of the main entrance was still as bland and sparsely decorated as it had been before, except now the reception desk was on the other side of the room, facing the door rather than beside it. Antonio headed to the unoccupied desk and waited. There was no bell or anything to signify he was there and after a couple of minutes the Spaniard began to get bored. _If I was ten years younger I would have just put my own name in the register and taken my key. Too bad I can't do that now. _Antonio looked around again; it didn't look like anyone was coming. _I'm a teacher now! I can't just go around breaking rules. _

Antonio sighed and looked around again. The place really was deserted… _I am such a bad person._ Antonio thought to himself as he headed round the desk to the register. He quickly found his name, (It was the longest on the list, after all) and ticked the box next to it to say he was signed in. He then looked up which room was his and picked up the appropriate key from the hooks behind him. _Top floor, just like old times… Not the same room though. I was in room 12 last time and now I'm in room 5._ Antonio looked up at the stairwell and sighed before beginning the immense task that was 4 flights of steep, stone stairs.

* * *

Red faced and panting, Antonio finally reached the top of the stairs with a new incentive to start exercising again. He walked down the corridor and past his old room with a grin. He finally found room five and slid his key into the lock. Before he headed inside however, he looked around, wondering which room Lovino was in. _I wonder what he's like… I hope he's as cute as his brother! _

He pushed open the door to his room and sighed in relief at the sight of his suitcases. The door opened up into the small living space with a television, sofa, table and kitchenette area and there were two doors on the left that led to bedrooms and one on the right which led to a small bathroom.

Seeing as he had nothing better to do, Antonio began unpacking his cases and putting everything where it was supposed to go. As nearly every student had to double up, every room had two bedrooms. The doubling up rule didn't apply for teachers, which meant that Antonio had one room spare, though he wasn't sure what to do with it so he didn't put anything in there.

When everything was away, Antonio sat down at the table in his living space and set about planning his first real lesson. _I feel like a real teacher! _He laughed to himself. When he was done, he headed into his new bedroom and climbed under the duvet, only taking off his shirt, shoes and trousers so he was left in his vest and boxers. He was tired so he fell asleep rather quickly.

* * *

The next morning Antonio was woken by the sounds of muffled yelling. He climbed out of bed and slowly made his way out to the living room. He tried to pass the noise off as teenagers messing around and instead he concentrated on filling the electric kettle and preparing some coffee. However, the shouting didn't stop, in fact by the sounds of things, more people were joining in.

Antonio headed to the door and opened it slightly to see what was going on. There were a group of boys standing around a door a few doors down from him and they were all yelling at once so it was hard to pick out what they were saying individually, though he could have sworn he had heard the word "murderer" more than once. Antonio was about to head out and control the situation but someone down the hall did it for him.

"HEY! EVERYONE BACK TO THEIR ROOMS NOW!" Screamed an angry German voice.

"Shit it's Mr Beilschmidt! Run!" The boys yelled collectively before sprinting away from the man. When they had all passed Antonio's door, the Spaniard stepped out, expecting to see his old friend. Instead, he was met by a tall blonde man with crystalline blue eyes.

"You're not Gilbert…" Antonio said obviously and the other man raised an eyebrow.

"Nein, he's my brother." The blonde tank replied.

"No way… Ludwig?" Antonio said in shock, suddenly feeling really old. The last time he had seen the blonde he had been a small child.

The blonde suddenly looked suspicious, "Do I know you?" He asked and Antonio ran forward, preparing to hug the blonde.

"You were like eight years old when I last saw you!" He said with a laugh, hugging the non-responsive blonde. "I used to baby-sit you with your brother and Francis. Antonio, remember?" The blonde wriggled out of the Spaniard's grasp and shook his head lightly.

"Nein, but I recognise you from my Bruder's photographs." He said, taking in the Spanish man's appearance.

"How are you a teacher? You're way too young!" Antonio said with his usual grin, glancing over the blonde's strong physique, he looked a lot older than he was.

Ludwig shrugged, running his hands through his gelled back hair. "I'm a final-year student, I just teach Gym because there's no one else to do it." He said with a tired smile. Antonio nodded in response; _The school really is short on staff if they're getting students to teach…_

"Ve, Luddy is that you?" asked a nervous voice behind the door and Ludwig immediately softened.

"Ja, Feli, it's me." Ludwig replied and even the oblivious Antonio noticed his entire stature change from stiff and uptight to more relaxed as the door opened and a brunette latched himself onto the man. _It's the boy from yesterday! Wait, was everyone yelling at him?_ Antonio felt himself growing a little protective over the teenager he had met the day before.

"Ve, ciao Antonio!" Feliciano said with a smile upon noticing the Spaniard.

"Hola Feli, how are you feeling today?" He asked Feliciano, returning the large smile.

"I'm feeling a lot better, grazie!" The Italian replied enthusiastically, still hugging the German's waist.

"Good, good. So, what was all that?" He asked the two, indicating the area where the boys had been yelling. Feliciano groaned and hugged the German tighter.

"I wish they would leave fratello alone. It's mean!" The Italian cried out and Ludwig remained silent but looked like he was trying not to say something. Suddenly everything became rather tense and Antonio decided it was time for him to get ready for work, instead of standing in the corridor talking to students in his underwear and vest.

"I should probably get dressed now. I'll see you guys around, si?" He said, clapping his hands once before turning and heading back to his room. He shut the door and sighed, if they had been there for his…fratello..._Fratello, doesn't that mean sister? No, brother...They were there to yell at Lovino, weren't they?_ Antonio groaned lightly. "What have I agreed to?" He muttered as he went to his now stone-cold coffee.

* * *

"…And that is how to introduce yourselves. Muy bien class! I'll see you on Wednesday." Antonio said to the group of first years that were now exiting the classroom. He sat down at the chair behind his desk and sighed, being a real teacher was hard work! He shut his eyes and tilted his head back to rest on the chair.

"Toni!" Called out a loud German voice, and Antonio had all of five seconds to prepare himself before there was a loud, German albino sitting in his lap. "Dude, it's been way too long!" The German yelled into the poor Spaniard's ear. Antonio winced and laughed at the same time.

"Hola Gil, how did you know I was here already?" The Spaniard asked, hugging his friend around the waist and then pushing him off his lap so he could stand.

"My Bruder told me he ran into you this morning. Come on, I'll take you to the staffroom, you look like a loner sitting in here by yourself." Gilbert said, motioning for Antonio to follow him. The Spaniard grabbed a tomato out of his bag and followed his silver-haired friend.

.

They began heading down the corridors together, occasionally pointing out places they had pulled pranks or someone had made out with someone else. After a while there was a lull in the conversation and the two walked quietly beside each other before Antonio broke the silence.

"So, I have you to thank for my extra duties." Antonio said jokingly, turning to his friend. He expected to see Gilbert with a mocking smirk but found him to be looking deadly serious.

"Yeah… Sorry about that, I guess. What do you know about the kid?" Gilbert asked and Antonio shrugged.

"Nothing, I haven't even met him yet. But I met his brother yesterday and he was really cute, they can't be that different…"Antonio trailed off as Gilbert began laughing. And not just laughing, but doubled-over, clutching his stomach laughing.

"No…No Toni, just don't…" The albino choked out, still laughing.

Eventually, he managed to calm down enough to continue walking but every now and then a small chuckle would burst from him. "When do you meet him?" Gilbert asked, finally in control of his laughter.

"Uh…This afternoon I think." Antonio said with a shrug and Gilbert nodded. After a few more minutes of walking in silence, Antonio sighed in frustration. "Gil, what's the big deal with this kid? This morning there was a group of boys outside his door yelling and today in class I kept hearing people whispering his name and talking about how they wanted to set fire to his dorm again. Does that mean they already did it before? Why would they do that? I'm so confused!" Antonio said sadly, his eyebrows furrowed.

Gilbert looked like he was about to answer but they had turned into the staff-room. "Toni, it's a long story. How about the awesome me, you and French-Fry all hit the old café next to the dorm after work and we can talk about it there." Antonio agreed and they entered the busy room.

Gilbert began pointing everyone out to Antonio. A few of the teachers looked too young to have the qualifications to be a teacher but Antonio disregarded it, they might just look younger than they were.

First, Gilbert pointed to a boy that looked about twenty with blonde hair and blue eyes. He wore glasses and had a strange cowlick that stuck up in the air. According to the Albino, he taught Science and Maths and was some scientific prodigy that had graduated early. He was talking to a man with lighter blonde hair and green eyes with eyebrows that seemed to go on forever, who, apparently taught English and Social Studies. Then he pointed to someone Antonio recognised and the Spaniard looked to Gilbert with raised eyebrows.

"Roddy works here, huh?" He joked with a wink. Roderich Edelstein, the one infamous for nearly breaking up the Bad Touch Trio. Gilbert had been in love with him, Francis wanted to sleep with him and Antonio actually did. The arguments ended when Antonio and Roderich broke up and Gilbert moved on to liking someone else. "Next you'll be telling me that Eliza works here too." He laughed and Gilbert coughed awkwardly.

"She does. She's the school nurse. Her and Specs broke up a couple of months ago." Gilbert said with a smirk.

"They were still going out?" He asked and Gilbert nodded. "What happened?" He asked and Gilbert leaned in a little closer.

"He slept with someone else." Gilbert said quietly and Antonio's jaw dropped.

"What? Who?" Antonio asked, feeling like a gossiping teenager.

"…Me." Gilbert said with a quiet laugh and a wink. Antonio stared at his friend wide-eyed and disapproving.

"Gil!" Antonio hissed, unimpressed. "That's not cool hombre." He said quietly. "Does that mean you two are going out now?" He asked, back to feeling like a teenager again.

Gilbert shushed him and grinned, "Maybe, I'm not quite sure yet. I hope so." And then he looked at the bespectacled Austrian in a way that Antonio remembered from their youth. He shook his head in disbelief and let out a small laugh.

"It's just like old times. Anyway, what does Roddy teach?" He asked and Gilbert told him that he taught Geography and Music. Antonio nodded and then looked to Gilbert.

"You never told me what you taught!" He said with a laugh and Gilbert grinned.

"The awesome me teaches the most awesome language ever! German! And the slightly less awesome History." Antonio laughed, he hadn't realised just how much he had missed his friends.

"What about Francis? I haven't spoken to him yet." He asked curiously.

"Francy-pants… man I didn't think that guy could get any more gay, but he managed it." Antonio couldn't suppress his laughter at that and he looked up at Gilbert with disbelief written over his face. "It's true! He wears a scarf and everything!" Gilbert laughed. "He teaches French, Cookery and Drama. Do you need any more proof?" He concluded and Antonio had tears of laughter rolling down his face.

"I missed this!" Antonio said with a hug to his Albino friend, not knowing how he had survived so long without his friends to make him laugh. "So, wait a minute… You teach German, Francis teaches French and I teach Spanish?" It was almost like fate!

The German laughed but it seemed somewhat fake. "Ja, but I wasn't supposed to be teaching German. I came to teach History and as a favour to my Grandfather I agreed to teach German when he left." He explained.

"Wait, so Vice Principle is gone too?" Antonio asked in shock and Gilbert was about to respond when the student bell went, signifying the start of next lessons.

"Well, I have to go. We'll talk later at the café, okay? Did you drive to work?" Antonio answered that he hadn't, it was part of his new scheme to exercise more that he would now walk to work every day. Gilbert laughed at this and told Antonio that he would pick him up after work before heading off to lessons.

* * *

Antonio was sat back at his desk, waiting for his next class to begin. Eventually, the bell rung and the class filtered into the room. Anticipation built up inside Antonio as he looked at everyone in the room, trying to guess which one could be Lovino based on what he remembered about his brother Feliciano. So far no one even remotely resembled the Italian and Antonio concluded that maybe Lovino was adopted.

Deciding that enough people were there for him to start the class, Antonio wrote his name on the white-board in front of him. "Hola class and welcome to beginner Spanish." Antonio said cheerfully. "My name is Antonio and I will be your teacher. I'm going to take the register, and when I do could you please put your hand up when I call your name out so I can start getting to know who's who? Gracias!" Antonio smiled again, not noticing how the girls (and some of the boys) were talking quietly about how attractive the new teacher was. Antonio called out the names, all the while waiting for the last name on the list. He couldn't help being intrigued as to who this mysterious student was, and was disappointed when he received no answer when he called out the name.

"Lovino Vargas?...No? Oh, I guess he's not here." Antonio said quietly.

The Spaniard was instantly confused when someone yelled "Good!" and looked around to see if he could see who had said it.

"Now, that's not very nice…" Antonio began but was interrupted by more people talking over him.

"Maybe he's realised he's not wanted and left…"

"Maybe he died…"

"Maybe he killed himself!..."

"If he did, he got what he deserved!"

Antonio looked around, horrified. He couldn't really distinguish who was saying what as everyone was speaking at once, but the things he was hearing were terrible!

"Hey! Don't say that about-"

A loud bang echoed through the room and everyone went silent as they looked to the front of the classroom, where, stood in the doorway was a boy with chestnut brown hair that was covering his face as he looked down at the ground, one hand in a clenched fist at his side and another still holding the door he had slammed open. "I could hear you bastards from down the hall." His chest rose and fell with his deep breathing as he attempted to calm himself down.

Antonio looked at the boy in confusion, his head tilted slightly. "Lo siento, but, who are you?" The Spaniard asked and the boy looked up with angry golden-brown eyes and glared at the Spanish man.

"Lovino Vargas, why the fuck do you care?"

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**Hallo again!**

**So, I didn't really like this chapter...BUT it's not what I think, it's what you guys think that counts in this... (well, partly what I think...)**

**Song: 'Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums' by A Perfect Circle**

**Well, this time the reviewers get to go drinking with the German Brothers! (If you can't drink alcohol, or just don't want to you can just sit, talk to and hug Italy!)**

**~Oresama**


	3. Tomato Stamp

**I apologise for the wait, I made the mistake of assuming that once exams were over I would have free time. I was wrong. Exams are over, yes, but I AM STILL IN SCHOOL. With a heavy workload. And homework. Then my friend started getting all frustrating...FML**

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****Monday

After school

* * *

"…He refused to do any work, and whenever I tried to help him he would give me this really scary look and swear at me. I've only just met the boy and he already hates me." Antonio said dejectedly to his two friends sitting opposite him, playing with the straw of his chocolate milkshake. The three members of the adult Bad Touch Trio were sat in the diner beside the dorms like they had done the decade before; the diner even still had the same chef. It was strange how little had changed in so much time.

"Lovino doesn't hate you cher, it's just how he is." Francis said softly as he sipped on his espresso and Gilbert nodded.

"Ja, today in History he screamed at me in rapid Italian and the damn brat flipped me off as he walked out." Gilbert said with a frustrated frown.

"But I even tried giving him one of my 'good work' tomato stamps! I thought they could cheer anyone up, but now he just keeps calling me 'tomato bastard'." The Spaniard pouted, the rest of the class had loved the stamps, but apparently Lovino was immune to happy things. The other two at the table laughed at this, stopping when Antonio looked at them questioningly.

"To him, I am known as Potato bastard number two. Ludwig is the original Potato Bastard." Gilbert grinned almost proudly.

"Oui and I am wine and cheese bastard, or occasionally cheese fucker. Do not fret mon ami, it is just another of his habits." Francis smiled bitterly, obviously not as proud of his nicknames as Gilbert was.

The three sat in silence, Antonio still playing with the straw of his drink. Antonio was thinking over the day's lesson and meeting the rather hostile Italian. As far as first impressions go, Lovino's certainly was the worst. The boy seemed rude and aggressive, unnecessarily so and to the point of Antonio wondering whether he really was the right person to talk to the boy.

_Though, is it really unnecessary? Considering how everyone has been treating him… _Suddenly Antonio remembered why they had agreed to meet up in the first place.

"Why does everyone hate Lovino?" Antonio asked, breaking the silence. "You said you would tell me." Antonio added, though not really sure whether he wanted to know. He was curious, undeniably so, but he wasn't sure if knowing would make him join with others in resenting the boy. He was worried whether finding out would mean he too would feel the need to curse the boys existence and hate him, and the Spaniard hated the idea of being that kind of person. It would also make the job of looking after the boy a lot more difficult.

Francis turned to Gilbert in mild horror before looking back down to his drink. "I might go..." He muttered, anyone could tell he looked more than uncomfortable as he began to rise from the table.

"Francis, no. He needs to find out and you know more about it then I do. We only have to tell him the basics, ja?" Gilbert reasoned and reluctantly Francis agreed.

"Right, well…" Gilbert rested his elbows on the table-top, his hands clasped together and resting against his chin. "You remember Vice Principle Vargas?" Antonio nodded. "After we left he became Principle and my Grandfather became the new Vice Principle." Antonio nodded, he remembered Gilbert's grandfather, a stern man with piercing blue eyes, a permanent frown and long slicked back blonde hair who worked as the school receptionist and head-of-office. But for all his sternness and seemingly cold personality, it would always change around the vice principle to something warmer and more protective. Antonio remembered the time the Bad Touch Trio were running from trouble had gone to hide in a school closet, only to find the two making out inside. (And judging by the blush on Gilbert's face, he remembered too).

"Well, about a month into the school year last year, Julian was driving. His daughter, Marianna was in the front seat." At the mention of the Italian boys' mother Francis visibly winced and his eyes began to water. "The younger boys were in the back and I think Lovino was angry about something. He kept yelling, shouting, swearing and kicking his grandfather's seat despite being told he was being dangerous. Julian was distracted while trying to pull over and there was an accident. The car drove off the road fell front-first onto the beach. When the ambulance got there, the daughter was already dead and Julian died on the way to hospital." Gilbert stopped as Francis had begun to cry. He sighed slightly and pulled his friend into a sideways hug. "Lovino and Feliciano were lucky to survive, I know Feli hit his head quite hard and now has trouble remembering some things, but I don't know about Lovino. I never asked." Gilbert's eyes darkened and the Spanish man couldn't remember a time when he looked so serious.

"After Julian died, my Grandfather hired a replacement principle and someone to replace himself and then quit. Since then, the whole school has been in chaos and is only just settling down. Everyone blamed Lovino but the new Principle refused to expel him, so loads of teachers quit and some got fired for harassing the kid. The students, well you've seen them. Lovino would turn up to lessons with bruises on his face and with his arm in a sling every once in a while, but the teachers ignored it. At the end of last year, a group of students put petrol on Lovino's dorm-room door and set it alight, apparently forgetting that Feliciano shares a room with him, but thankfully the fire didn't spread much and he was fine." Gilbert finished and Antonio stared in shock, trying to process what he had just been told. His head hurt with the information and he wasn't yet sure if he was glad he knew now.

"Okay, thank you for telling me." Antonio muttered, rising from his seat slowly. "I'm going to go to bed, my head hurts and I need to think." He muttered and the two nodded their goodbyes as Antonio headed back to the dorms.

* * *

Once again the Spanish man found himself standing outside his dorm-room door and staring at Lovino's.

_I don't understand why everyone blames him. I guess…it's just the fact that they can. He was being bad but I don't think that he meant to kill anyone… right? I'll see him on Wednesday; I might be able to talk to him about it, if he lets me…_

"…Why don't you just die?" Screamed a voice down the hall and Antonio froze, his key still sticking out of the lock in his door. Without any more hesitation, he ran tothe stairs where the voice came from. Looking down he saw someone who looked to be in their final school year holding a rather infamous Italian against the wall by his throat.

"Hey! Let him go!" Antonio yelled, running down the stairs. The student looked up and released the Italian, running from the scene as fast as he could. "Don't think I won't report you!" Antonio yelled after him before turning to the Italian now gasping for breath. "You okay Lovi?" Antonio asked worriedly.

"Don't…fucking…call…me…that." Lovino said angrily between breaths. After a while he caught his breath and stood up straight. "Damn bastard." He muttered, glaring in the direction the student had run. He bent down and picked his messenger bag from the floor, slinging it over his shoulder and heading away from the Spanish man and up the stairs to his room. Antonio followed after him, smiling as always.

"I'm glad you're okay Lovi, it was really mean of him to do that to you. I'll report it to Principle Wang in the morning-"

"Don't bother." Lovino snapped, fumbling in his bag for his door-key. "Nothing will come of it." The Italian added as he pulled the key out and shoved it in the lock.

Antonio pouted; he didn't like the idea of the student not getting punished for hurting Lovino. "But Lovi, people can't just go around hurting other people! You shouldn't let him get away with hurting you, you don't deserve it!" Antonio looked at the teen to see him stood frozen in place; golden eyes open wide in shock. After a moment he seemed to break out of his semi-trance and twisted the key in the lock.

"Don't pretend like you care." Lovino muttered, shoving open the door and slamming it forcefully in Antonio's face.

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**Once again, I apologise for the wait. **

**I don't really like this chapter :/**

**I had to write something, because I will just have to slap myself if I give up on this and I kinda like the plot so I wanted to write...it's just with everything going on at the moment D:**

**I will continue this and I want to upload really really soon!**

**I hope you liked the chapter...**

**I really just lost confidence in everything, I was really excited about the reviews and feedback from the last chapter and was talking about it to my friend and she kinda basically found the whole plot stupid and said I should change it and basically was getting all weird about it and usually I would encourage constructive criticism but what she was saying wasn't that, it was just kinda mocking without her having even read the story :/**

**Plus it's not actually that unrealistic in that it's based on events that actually happened. (Not to me, to someone I used to be friends with). I changed a lot of things to fit and stuff but the actual event and the school's reaction is similar. The reaction of the students is basically the same :/**

**So yah. I apologise for the wait and this chapter. I hope I do better next time.**

**Reviewers get to hug me.**

**Heh that's more likely to put people off reviewing than actually reviewing.**

**Reviewers get to make chocolate cake with Austria!**

**Thank you for reading up until now and I hope you'll forgive this disgrace of a chapter and continue, you beautiful people!**

**Never believe that you're anything less than amazing!**

**~Ore-sama (though less so then usual)**


	4. Tomato Plant

**Hello, I'm really sorry that it took so long to update, I know I promised another chapter like immediately after the last but a LOT of really crappy stuff happened D: I'll explain in the bottom AN so people who don't want to read it can ignore it.**

**Just want to say, MENTIONS OF SEX AND ANTONIO IS A BIT OF A STRONZO.**

**Also, Bloody Hell and thank you and I love you and I'll explain more later but I love you! All of you!**

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Tuesday was a rather calm and uneventful day for the Spaniard as he had no lessons, and therefore had the day off. After spending the morning sitting at his dinner table planning his lessons for the rest of the week, he headed out to the shops. There was nothing he really needed to buy, it was only his third day after all, but he was bored and his friends were teaching.

After a couple of hours Antonio spotted a little flower shop. It was rather small and outside it stood little tables covered in potted plants, there were buckets of flowers wrapped in plastic by the door and hanging baskets dangling from the wall. Antonio brightened up and headed inside. His room didn't have a balcony so he couldn't get anything big, but a little potted plant would be perfect to brighten up the place.

After a while of looking around, Antonio spotted what he wanted. Sitting at the back of the shop was the section for plants which were either edible in themselves, such as cress, or had edible parts to it, like strawberries. After looking through the selection Antonio decided on a small potted tomato plant. With his usual bright grin, Antonio picked up the plant and carried it gently to the counter where he was served by a kind looking elderly lady who gave him a small smile as he paid for his new room-mate.

With his new plant in tow, Antonio headed out of the shop and into a dainty little Italian Ice-cream shop tucked beside the florists. It was painted a mint green both outside and on the walls inside, and the Italian flag hung over the doorway. He sat at a small table and put his new plant on the chair beside him. _I should really give it a name… I know! I'll call it Colin. _Antonio smiled fondly at his new friend; the dorm room was rather lonely. After all, all his memories of the place had been when he shared his room, at first with his cousin Lars, and then in the last couple of years with Francis (With Gilbert sleeping on the sofa practically every night). _That had led to some strange and …interesting moments…_ Antonio laughed in an attempt to dissipate the small amount of embarrassment residing in him at some of the memories.

After eating his rather sublime ice-cream, Antonio left the little shop, memorising its location so he could be sure to find it again, and heading back home with Colin.

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Wednesday morning, Antonio woke up from a nightmare with a jolt. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he had to take a moment to remember that it wasn't real, that he wasn't asleep anymore. The dream he had had featured a character now becoming very familiar to him, despite him having only met the boy for a very brief amount of time. The teenager with the angry scowl and a strange curl that would bob up and down when he yelled. A boy who had been declared a murderer and enemy number one of the school. A boy who, in his dream, took a rather sharp and painful looking knife and stuck it into the Spaniard's abdomen, laughing as Antonio fell to the ground bleeding. "_Bastard, you think you can fix me? Don't act like you give a damn. Don't pretend that you care."_

Deciding he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore, Antonio got up from his bed and headed into the kitchenette area to make himself a cup of coffee. The bitter liquid helped wake him up and the warmth soothed the nervousness he still held as the groggy feeling of being up too early slowly ebbed away.

With a frustrated sigh, Antonio looked at the microwave timer and saw that it was just past five in the morning. _I don't have to be in to work until lunch. I might as well go in with everyone else; I'll just get some marking done until…_

Until Lovino showed up for Form time.

It was a school policy that every student belongs to a group of about 15 students led by a teacher, that being the case, Lovino was Antonio's only student. Apparently some students were placed individually with a teacher or in pairs if the students were a "special case".

Like Lovino.

_Damn…oh Dios, he's going to kill me like in my dream! No. I can't think like that! But still, that kid hates me. I know the others said he didn't but…I could just tell by the look in his eyes. I don't want to get stabbed!_

Antonio groaned and hit his head on the countertop in frustration, he didn't want to dislike the boy already, but Lovino was making it very difficult for him not to. _His attitude is so bad. Why can't he be more like his cute little brother? He would be so easy to deal with. I could probably just give him a bunch of crayons and he'd be happy…was that mean of me to think? _Antonio lifted his now sore head from the counter and headed into the bathroom for a shower. It was too early for this.

* * *

His shower ended up taking a lot longer than planned, so by the time he had gotten dressed, finished his breakfast, watered and said goodbye to Colin and actually headed out to work, it was already rather late into the school morning. _At least I won't be waiting around for too long…_

Antonio finally reached the school; walking up to it always made him feel young again. He headed to the front doors and tutted jokingly at a couple of last-year students bunking off to smoke out the front. They laughed at him, wishing him a good morning which he returned and continued on into the school.

_I seem to get on well with the students, most of them anyway. I guess it's because I'm a lot less strict then most teachers. I heard the students talking about Gil the other day, apparently he's a real hard-ass with his students. That just seems so weird, but I can kind of get it. After all, he never really went easy on Ludwig… _

Antonio stopped at a hot-drinks vending machine outside his classroom to buy himself a coffee. He had decided, in spite of his preference for chocolate milkshake, to drink coffee more now that he had a proper job as a real teacher. He waited for his cup to fill and when it was done he walked into the office, taking a mouthful of the scorching liquid.

Which he promptly spat out all over the floor after he had opened the door to find a very naked Roderich on his desk with an equally naked Gilbert on top of him, and, well…in him.

They were apparently too caught up in what they were doing to have heard him enter, so without saying anything, Antonio backed out of the room and into the hallway where he turned and ran to the staff room as fast as he could, his coffee cup disregarded on the way.

* * *

He got to the staff room and threw himself face-down onto the sofa dramatically, trying desperately to rid his mind of what he had just seen.

"Need anything mon cher?" An amused French accent came from behind him.

"Mental bleach would be bueno." Antonio muttered into the sofa cushion. Francis laughed and sat down. On Antonio's back.

"Oof. What is that? Did you put something on my back amigo?" Antonio asked.

"Only one 'eck of a sexy Frenchman." Francis laughed and Antonio wriggled, eventually managing to knock Francis off and onto the ground. "Ack, mon derrière!" Francis gasped and Antonio just laughed. "I'm glad to see you find it so amusing." Francis said with a glare.

Antonio could only nod as his body heaved with laughter. After a couple of minutes he stopped and wiped his eyes with a sigh, feeling a lot better than he had all day. That was, until the bell rang to signify the start of lunch. That meant in thirty minutes Antonio would be faced with two hours of just him and Lovino. Francis must have noticed Antonio's look of despair because he asked what was wrong. Antonio told him his schedule for the afternoon and Francis shook his head.

"If you aren't getting on with him, why don't you tell the principle it's not working out? Get Lovino off your back and just teach like you came here to do." Francis suggested and for a second Antonio considered it. The fact he had done so caused a wave of immense anger towards himself and suddenly he felt awful. _I can't just give up on him! He needs me. That's the end of the matter._ He said to himself and Francis probably realised this as he just clapped Antonio on the back and told him they would meet up after work and go get drinks before heading off to prepare one of his lessons. Antonio wondered whether his classroom was safe to enter now and after debating with himself for a while he decided to just do some marking on the teacher's lounge sofa. It wasn't worth the risk.

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**I know this is short, I was going to make it bigger but I decided to put the rest of this chapter in the next one because otherwise if I put it all together it would be so...well, it just wouldn't work**

**Also, Antonio's assiness:**

**Because, I wanted to get this as realistic as possible, and anyone would find the situation Toni's in stressful and would prefer a less stressful task. He hasn't gotten to know Lovi yet, so all he knows is this angry volatile kid who doesn't like him.**

**I have about a third of the next chapter written so I hope to get it up soon, I know I said that last week but I wasn't counting on sickness and death suddenly interrupting me :/**

**So, like someone I was quite good friends with in primary school died and that totally blows. And then my bambino sister got really really sick (like needing to go to hospital sick) and then school work meant I got no sleep because if I don't do all of it completely and to a decent standard I'm going to get kicked out of school. (Like every single piece of homework has to be done to crazy standards and on time etc. and it's just me in this situation because I had to miss loads of lessons this year for illness, problems in life etc.)**

** You know when everything just kinda happens at once and you don't really know what to do and yet you know there's so much you have to do and you have to somehow find a way to do it all and keep a big smile on your face so that no one knows something's wrong? That was my week.**

**Actually that's been the past couple of weeks.**

**Oh well. Onto why I love you!**

**So, as I said I had a horrific week, BUT I got the cutest and most beautiful messages from you guys and like, you people are so perfect. **

**I'm not even kidding, you're amazing. I can't even describe the feeling of checking my email throughout the day and having people send such amazing things to me. **

**I would have to keep leaving the room so people wouldn't ask why I kept randomly tearing up while staring intently at my Ipod.**

**So, genuinely from the bottom of the heart I do actually own despite what my parents think, I am eternally grateful and I sincerely thank you.**

**~Ore-sama**

**-Okay, guys I just checked the review count.**

**Guys.**

**Guys this is...**

**This is too much...**

**Ohmygod...**

**I'm crying.**

**Happy tears, but...oh dear god.**

**Really?**

**But...like...I've seen so many amazing stories and mine isn't as good as them and yet has the same amount of reviews and I don't understand.**

**I'm not complaining, I just don't believe it!**

**It's on like chapter three! **

**I'm so tempted to print screen the number of reviews, hunt down my old English teacher and throw it at her yelling, "I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO STUDY ENGLISH A-LEVEL HUH?" **

**Did I mention I love you?-**


	5. No One Likes to Hate

**I did it! Enjoy! (Though this chapter is still a little introductory-ish)**

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After too short a time the bell rung to signify the end of lunch. Antonio had managed to get a lot of work marked but was now faced with two horrific possibilities. One, getting stabbed by an angry Italian, and two, walking in to see his naked best friend screwing his equally naked ex into his own desk. If he was honest with himself, Antonio couldn't really decide which one was worse. Before the Spaniard managed to head out, the air suddenly filled with the smell of something acidic, it smelt like bile. Antonio looked around for the source and saw a raging Ludwig storming into the room.

"Verdammt! Little bastard. I swear he's even worse at running than Feliciano!" He growled and Antonio watched as he headed to a set of lockers in the corner of the room.

"Vargas again?" The green-eyed blonde with the large eyebrows asked Ludwig to which he nodded and Antonio froze.

"Ja. Every damn week he refuses to cooperate, working at the most minimal of effort, and then just to spite me he intentionally throws up. I had to teach all through lunch and now my shoes are ruined." He complained, reaching into one of the lockers where Antonio presumed he kept a spare pair of shoes.

"Where is he now?" Antonio asked curiously, if Lovino was sick, he might not be coming to form time with Antonio after all.

"I don't know, I left after he threw up on my shoes." Ludwig growled resentfully and Antonio hummed in response.

He decided he better go to class just in case Lovino was waiting. Antonio had a feeling the Italian was likely to be explosive if made to wait, and if avoiding getting stabbed was his aim, creating an explosive ball of Italian rage was not the way to go about achieving it. He would also rather not be in Ludwig's situation, cleaning off his shoes in the nearest sink.

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Antonio stood outside his classroom door, listening for sound of life…or weapons being unsheathed. Thankfully he heard neither and presumed it safe to head inside. He sighed with relief upon realising the room was empty and went to sit at his desk, then remembered earlier that day and went and sat on one of the students' desks at the front of the room. _I'm going to need to bleach the whole desktop now. Damnit Gil, what's wrong with you?_ Antonio whined internally.

After 10 minutes Antonio grew bored of waiting and pushed a couple of desks together so he could lie on his back across the adjoining table-tops, his legs dangling over the edge. _I wish I had brought my bag with me, I didn't think I'd need it. I really want a tomato, or a ball. Where is Lovino? _Antonio didn't know whether to be pleased or frustrated that the boy wasn't there. _Why am I so scared of a teenage boy? It's crazy!_

"…the fuck are you doing, stronzo?"

Antonio shot up from where he had been lying on the desks to look at the person who had managed to sneak in without him noticing.

"You're late…" Antonio said quietly, distracted by the boy's appearance. Frankly, he looked terrible. He was paler than Antonio had ever seen him and had dark circles around his eyes from sleeplessness. He also had a dark purplish bruise on his lower jaw. Even his curl seemed to droop and now hung low near his neck.

Lovino ignored Antonio's comment, moving to sit down at the desk closest to the door, about three seats away from where Antonio was perched on top of the two school desks. Antonio sighed and went to sit on the desk beside the one Lovino was sat at.

"So…how have you been?" Antonio asked awkwardly, he was at a complete loss of how to act around Lovino. The boy just seemed so…volatile. Like a bull.

Lovino didn't respond, instead he looked up at Antonio with a glare that just screamed 'are you an idiot?'

Antonio decided to retry starting a conversation. "Done anything interesting lately?"

"I got punched in the face yesterday, that was interesting." Lovino replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. Antonio looked at the bruise again and winced slightly. Now that Lovino was facing forward, Antonio could see the bruise properly and it looked very painful.

"Who did it?" Antonio asked, kneeling down beside Lovino's desk to inspect the bruise closer. Lovino turned away, uncomfortable at how close Antonio was leaning.

Lovino began coughing as he away from the Spaniard, Antonio was almost sure he saw a glimpse of red as he pulled his hand away from his mouth but decided against mentioning it in case he was wrong. "It doesn't matter…I didn't see." The older man sighed at the response he was given.

"It does matter Lovi, people shouldn't be able to just hurt you." Lovino looked down at his lap, his cheeks tinted a reddish colour. When Lovino didn't respond, Antonio sighed and got up from where he was still kneeling beside the Italian. His legs ached a little as he rose. He sat back down on the desk beside the younger man. "You know…" Antonio begun in a quiet voice filled with seriousness. "My father died when I was about your age, so if you need to talk…"

Lovino looked up at the Spaniard, expression unreadable until it morphed into one of bitterness. "Did you kill your father?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then don't try to pull the 'I know what you're going through' bullshit with me." Lovino said, rising from his seat angrily.

"I heard about the accident. It wasn't your fault." Lovino froze, eyes wide and staring at Antonio and for a moment Antonio thought he might cry. That was, until-

"F-Fuck you!" Lovino screamed, running out of the classroom while Antonio sat dumbfounded, hearing the teen's feet as the slowly faded into the distance.

_Well that could have gone better._

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_._

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Antonio sat silently in Francis' car. His expression solemn as he thought about his disastrous conversation with Lovino. He had realised other people blamed Lovino for the accident, but he hadn't realised that Lovino blamed himself. He looked out at the scenery passing by his window and groaned, resting his head on the cool glass.

"It's him versus the whole world." The Spaniard muttered to himself, breath fogging the window as he did so. Sorrowful emerald eyes stared out at a darkening sky, memories from the past pulling the usually cheerful Spaniard into a state of melancholy. He had been alone once. When his parents had sent him to America for high school so he could get a decent education. He had received an all-expenses paid scholarship to the school and his parents had spent months saving for his plane ticket to the states. He remembered standing outside the large school, terrified. Wishing he had someone to talk to. His cousin Lars attended the school and was his roommate, but he was quiet and had a group of his own friends to talk to. It wasn't until his third week that he had made any real friends. He had been walking down the corridor during lunch when a couple of laughing first years tore past him and hid behind a bin sat against a wall beside him. Then, all of a sudden a paint soaked blonde man with intimidating crystal blue eyes came running down the hall yelling something in German. The man asked Antonio where they had gone and Antonio took one look at their pleading faces and pointed at the classroom door beside him. The man thanked him and ran inside. The two boys then got up from their hiding place and ran towards Antonio and suddenly one of the boy's tanned hand was clasped by a soft peachy one while his hand on the other side was gripped by a strong white-ish one which then pulled him and the other boy away. They continued running until they got outside the building and the out of breath trio collapsed to the ground, panting. That had been the start of a strange but amazing friendship.

"He doesn't have anyone…" Antonio muttered, not meaning to say it aloud. Francis looked over from the driver's seat, eyebrow raised curiously.

"What is on your mind cher?"

"Lovino." Antonio said simply and Francis groaned.

"Do you not think of anything else? Mon Dieu, I'm starting to think that bringing you into all of this might not have been a good idea." He said jokingly but Antonio frowned.

"But that's the thing. Why did I have to be brought in? Why did the school have to go to such effort to find someone that doesn't hate him?" Antonio asked almost desperately and Francis looked over at him once before pulling over to the side of the road.

"Look," Francis began, he looked straight ahead but his voice gave away his irritation. "Nobody wants to blame Lovino. No one likes hating a teenager it's just… Julian was a good man who everyone loved. You couldn't help not. Do not forget the effort he went to, to get you enrolled at the school." Antonio nodded slightly in agreement; Julian was the one to push the governors to allow him to be accepted despite him coming from another country. "He always tried his hardest to make everyone happy, to give everyone a chance. And their mother…" Francis' voice broke a little and Antonio could see his eyes glistening with unshed tears in the dim light. "Marianna Vargas was un ange. She was so kind, so caring… Antonio I cannot even begin to tell you how beautiful she was. Both as a person, and physically." Antonio stared in shock at his friend who was now openly crying in the driver's seat.

"You loved her?" Antonio asked, though he could already tell the answer. Francis nodded and sobbed, bringing his knees to his chest.

"But she was already married. Married to someone who didn't deserve her. Did not love, respect or cherish her like I would have." Antonio leaned over to hug his friend. He rubbed soothing circles on the man's back while whispering reassurances in Spanish. After a while Francis pulled away, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "I bet I look like garbage." He joked and Antonio laughed.

"You know you're too pretty for that." Antonio said in response and Francis chuckled slightly.

"Je suis desole. I'm usually better at controlling myself then that." Francis said, half serious and Antonio nodded understandingly.

"I never knew her… or her husband." Francis smiled to himself as he remembered her.

"She looked like a long haired Lovino with Feliciano's personality." Francis laughed slightly. "I got such a shock when I first spoke to Lovino. I thought he would be like her because they looked so similar, but then he looked up at me, called me a cheese-fucker and stomped on my foot." Antonio laughed at that, it definitely sounded like Lovino. "Feliciano has his father's hair and eye colour, but they both are mirror images of their mother. He was… dull. In all aspects of the word. I will never know what she saw in him. He was a dull Italian businessman who only cared about his work. He didn't even cry at her funeral." Francis glared at nothing in particular, his body tense. Then, he relaxed and sighed, running a weary hand through his hair. "I'm tired mon cher, I think we should both head home." Antonio nodded, he had had a tiring day. Colin was in for an ear, or, leaf-full when Antonio got home.

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**Hallo! I did it! I got it up like major quickly! **

**~Ore-sama**


	6. Pressure

**Hey, I'm sorry for the late update D: I swear I say this every week! I also apologise for how dark this chapter is...sorry. OTL**

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Friday

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Antonio waved to the remaining students as they filed out of the classroom. Once he was alone, he threw himself into the comfy leather spinning chair by his desk with a dramatic sigh. He had known that teaching his own class would be a lot more difficult than being a teacher's assistant, but he hadn't realised just how exhausting it would be. It was lucky that the class he had just taught were fast learners, because Antonio had about two years' worth of material to teach in about half that time. Apparently with everything that had happened last year, the class had been left without a teacher so now the workload was intense and the pressure on the students (and Antonio) was high. It was only the second lesson in the first week and the students had already learnt how to introduce themselves both formally and informally. Antonio was quite proud if he was honest with himself. _With pressure such as this, and going through the course as quickly as we are, students can't afford to miss a single lesson…_

Which reminded him, where on Earth was Lovino?

Apparently he had decided not to show up in school since his and Antonio's disastrous form session. The Spaniard had tried asking people if anyone knew if he was okay, but the only answer he ever received was a "Why should I care?" from both students and teachers alike. It was incredibly frustrating and the Spaniard began to feel himself losing his temper. _They treat him so horribly. I know he isn't easy to get along with, but still. No one deserves to be treated like that!_

Giving another sigh and heaving himself up from his comfy desk chair, Antonio headed out of his classroom to go back to his dorms, glad for his first week as a real teacher to be over.

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"…are you sure you're okay Feliciano?" Ludwig asked quietly, running his hands through the soft hair of the Italian resting in his lap. They were in the German's dorm room, sitting on his sofa. The television was on for background noise, but neither of the two were paying attention to it.

"Si, I just… don't want to go home. Those people are always there, yelling, and…I'm scared." The Italian replied softly, snuggling further into the German's firm but warm chest. Ludwig frowned but didn't reply. He didn't want to admit it but he too was worried. After the arson incident last year, Ludwig found himself frequently patrolling the corridor where Feliciano and Lovino's room was. _Lovino…_ Ludwig had to supress a growl; his boyfriend had been hurt and nearly killed so many times because of that bastard. And not just Feliciano, many people were suffering because of Lovino. His grandfather barely got out of bed anymore, his brother had only just settled into a relationship, after having spent months getting drunk on beer and sleeping around with anyone he possibly could.

"Move in with me?" Ludwig asked, avoiding eye-contact with the Italian in his lap with a blush. Feliciano gaped, opening and closing his mouth at the boy for a few minutes, like the cutest fish Ludwig had ever laid eyes on. Ludwig cleared his throat nervously, "I mean, it's dangerous there…and you're always here anyway…I always help you with your work so if you're here I can help you all the time and my Bruder just moved out so I'm alone anyway and-"

"Ludwig… "Feliciano interrupted his boyfriend's nervous ramblings, deciding on his answer.

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The pathways seen from the open window were dark except for where the light of a lamppost could reach on the cold ground far below. Lovino gazed at the people walking along them, side by side as couples or small groups. He wondered how it felt, the cold night air against your skin not diminishing your entertainment in any way as you wander around with your friends. Talking, laughing, joking, just being together… it was all a distant dream for him. Something he could look at and admire, but never experience. He didn't deserve it.

He didn't deserve such a beautiful thing as friendship, he was a monster and a murderer and a selfish, spoilt child and before he knew it, he was standing on the windowsill, looking down at the distant ground in awe.

The window was large enough so that he was nearly standing to his full height, the cold wind now whipping against his face and hair, roaring in his ears and causing his clothes to billow around him. Down below, a couple of students looked up and noticed him standing there. Soon enough, a small crowd had developed, muttering amongst themselves. Someone must have realised who it was because the crowd began to chant…

"Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!"

On and on it went, getting louder and louder. Lovino's heart was beating so hard that he could hear it, even over the deafening sound of the wind beating his ear-drums. Adrenaline surged through his veins, caught between his natural instincts to live and the urge to self-destruct. What did he have to live for anyway? He didn't deserve life… He didn't deserve happiness… He deserved to die, falling freely before slamming into the pavement below. He didn't deserve to live, and no one else deserved the pain of having him in the world.

The cold hard pavement just looked so inviting, like it held the answer to everything. The pain, the hate, the anger, the guilt…It would all just stop. Just cut off dead as he crashed into the concrete.

Lovino began to shiver, though whether from cold or fear he could not tell. He didn't want to die, he just didn't want to live his life. If he could change, go back and become a different person, do different things then everything would be different. Maybe he would be down below with friends, maybe even a boyfriend or girlfriend. Instead he was standing on the top-floor window of his dorms, preparing to fall to his death.

As if looking for a final desperate attempt at convincing Lovino to live, his mind conjured the image of his brother. _He's lost so much…so much of his family, he needs you. You're his brother, you're practically all he has left now._

Lovino felt tears pour down his face, dripping off and into the dark night below him. He sobbed and let himself stumble back into his room, away from the night and the cold air, away from the people screaming at him, calling him a coward, telling him to jump. He climbed down from the window and wiped his face, reaching up to shut the window just as the door opened.

Feliciano entered just as the window closed, muffling the sounds of people still screaming at him to jump as it shut. Lovino looked up at his younger brother and allowed himself to give a small smile. His fratello. The one, the only one, that cared about him. That needed him. The one Lovino would suffer through life for just so he could protect him.

"Welcome home Feli." Lovino said softly, "Are you alright?" He asked in concern. There was something off with the way Feliciano was looking at him.

"Fratello we need to talk." The younger Italian said seriously, looking down at his shoes as he fidgeted nervously. Lovino watched his brother with concern, saying nothing but preparing to go out and severely hurt someone. "Ludwig…he asked me to move in with him. And I…I…said…yes."

Lovino heard himself gasp, but his mind told him that as impossible, impossible because he couldn't breathe. His chest felt so tight and restricted that it burned. Pain flared up inside him and he could taste bile at the back of his throat. "I just came to tell you, and to get some clothes. I'll be round later in the week to get the rest of my stuff." Feliciano added quietly, unknowingly pushing a metaphorical knife deeper into his older brother. The younger teenager left to get some clothes and Lovino remained standing, frozen beside the window, staring ahead in shock. He felt hurt, betrayed, abandoned. He was now well and truly and utterly completely alone.

The pain in his chest made him want to scream, but he couldn't breathe, and he physically felt himself falling.

Feliciano came back into the sitting room with a bag slung over his shoulder. He glanced over at his brother and his eyes opened wide in horror. "Fratello!" He yelled, running over and kneeling beside Lovino. He shook the older Italian frantically, calling out his name, as Lovino slipped in and out of consciousness. Feliciano leant so his ear was above Lovino's mouth, praying desperately to hear him breathing. When not even the slightest trace of air passed through his brother's lips, he got up from the floor and ran, ran to the only place he could think to, knocking on the door in desperation and crying out for help.

"Antonio! Antonio, please! It's my brother, he isn't breathing!"

* * *

...

* * *

**:O**

**Well...ja.**

**Okay, I have some things to say this AN! **

**First off, thank you for putting up with me and reading this far. I have every intention of continuing this story until the end, if I don't update it is because something has happened that prevented me from writing on time D: **

**Okay, also, someone asked me for help with something? I am so sorry, but I must have forgotten to mark the email as "unread" so I didn't get around to a-reading it properly and b-replying. I would like to say, I would be happy to help with whatever it was you wanted, I am honoured that you thought of asking me and I am so terribly sorry for being so rude as to ignore you. It was not intentional at all, if you would PM me I would be delighted to oblige. **

**Okay, I have a little competition/game for you! Reviewers get to participate! As well as commenting on the story (please) I would like for you to choose what you want to do with what character. **

**"I would *insert activity here* with *insert name*."**

**Or, "I would make *Insert name followed by activity***

**So on and so forth. **

**Whoever shocks me the most or makes me laugh the most gets a oneshot (any rating, any pairing, any theme...literally anything)**

**So, go forth and create hilarity! [though please do it off anon so I can actually contact you XD]**

**.**

**Speaking of anon...I found a very weird review from a guest reviewer the other day... **

**I just... It made me laugh, a lot. Though I am not sure if it was a joke...**

**I was just wondering what people thought about Homophobia in Hetalia fans...**

**I mean...can it happen? The two really just do not seem to mix.**

**Thank you for reading! **

**Much love **

**~Ore-sama**


	7. Cold

_Where am I?_

Lovino wasn't sure how he got there; he only knew that he was there. It was a place…a strange place. It was both light and dark, up and down, there and yet not there. Everything was light, but felt dark. He was surrounded by a light colour, like a pale pink, but it had large splotches of different colours dotted around like bruises.

There was no gravity in this place, but Lovino wasn't moving. He was just there. Suspended and frozen. He could move his arms and legs but wouldn't go anywhere; despite however hard he tried to run, there was no force to help him move. Not a breath of air nor wind and yet…he was cold. Incredibly cold, inside and out, as if his blood had turned to ice in his veins. Wrapping his arms around himself proved futile against it, the cold was coming from inside him.

"Is this hell?" He tried to say, he felt the words coming out of his mouth but he couldn't hear them. They were lost in this airless cold abyss.

Suddenly, the coloured blotches began to move. Joining with other blotches and mixing to make various shades and forms. The blues drifted upwards and joined, after a while a sky formed, while the greens and greys formed at the bottom to make a road and some grass. After a while an image formed that Lovino found sickeningly familiar. A large bend in the road beside the top of an ocean viewpoint. The grey tarmac swooping round and off into the distance, beside the bend was a small patch of grass and a little fence. Lovino walked up to the fence and looked down. There was a small drop below him, not enough to kill him if he fell unless he fell on his head, but probably enough to break a lot of bones. At the bottom of the drop were stones, pebbles, a beach. A short stretch of pebbles disappearing into an ocean only a tiny bit darker than the sky, the light reflecting off the surface making it glisten. Despite the sunlight, coldness still gripped Lovino. It made him numb to the sensations of this world, this…memory.

Lovino was all too familiar with this place, this scene, this moment. He knew exactly what was about to happen and he knew it would be futile to try and escape it. He had tried, he would only reappear back here. Then he saw it, the car coming towards him at an alarming speed. Even at the distance away that he was, he could hear the noise from inside. Could hear himself yelling, screaming and shouting. Could hear Feliciano crying and his mother begging Lovino to stop. Then, he heard his grandfather begin to shout at Lovino. The Italian could see the car coming towards him, could see his grandfather wasn't looking. Could see him not notice the bend in the road as the car flew at him at a speed which was illegal.

The car flew past Lovino, crashing through the fence and falling, falling nose-down until it crashed into the pebbles below with the most sickening sound of metal hitting stones and glass breaking, shattering. Lovino could only watch the scene unfolding, like it did every single night. He could do nothing to save them, just stare. Stare and watch as his mother died on impact, as soon as the car had hit the ground. Her head slamming against the dashboard like she was nothing stronger than a rag-doll. His grandfather lurched in his seat, pieces of grass embedded in his chest. His brother had hit his head on the seat in front so hard that it would later cause incredible problems for the young Italian, his own younger self lurched in his seat. His seatbelt cut into his chest, the sound of cracking ribs lost in the noise of bending metal. The Lovino from the past and present the only ones conscious to witness the scene. He could remember the pain, the absolute pain tearing through his chest.

Now, all he felt was the uncomfortable tightness and intense cold. Watching the scene with a pained expression but knowing from experience that there was nothing he could do. Nothing but sit and watch his younger self screaming in the back of the car. He would continue to scream until the ambulance came and the paramedics would sedate him.

The screaming continued, getting louder and louder until it was all encompassing. Ringing in his ears and taking over his mind until it was all he could think about. The Lovino from the present fell to his knees, clutching his head. The world swam and shook; colours broke apart and separated revealing a pinkish layer behind. Each colour creating a blob of solid colour like bruises on the pale pink surroundings.

.

Lovino looked out into the colourful abyss, wondering what was going to happen to him. Would this be an eternity of repeating that memory over and over? Forever watching the moment he killed those closest to him, feeling like he was frozen and couldn't breathe. It would be a cruel but fitting punishment for him after all. Maybe he was right, maybe this was hell.

.

Lovino didn't know how long he had been there, suspended in nothingness, wondering where he was and what was going to happen to him next. The coldness was unbearable and it seemed only to get stronger with each passing second. But then, a sudden warmth began tingling at his lips and a sharp pain overtook his nose. Then, the warmth began to spread down his throat and into his chest and suddenly he could take a breath. The warmth left for a second and then returned, this happened about ten times and was followed by something continually slamming painfully into his chest. Then, the warmth was back again and the world around him began to stir, rippling like water that had just been disturbed. The rippling increased in furiosity until the world was splashing about around him and sounds began to reach him in the void.

His name.

It was being yelled in the distance and Lovino felt himself being pulled towards it. The slamming began again and another voice broke through, clearer than the one before.

"Come on Lovino! Breathe, please!" That voice was familiar… That accent…_Antonio?_

The warmth returned and Lovino felt himself regaining consciousness in the real world…

"Why is the ambulance taking so long?" A higher pitched voice…Feliciano?

Lovino slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he saw were a pair of eyes, clenched tightly shut, inches away from his own.

Suddenly Lovino felt himself lurch forward, shoulders jerking as he coughed. Around him he heard a pair of gasps and cries of jubilation. Then he felt the arms of his brother around his shoulders, crying into his neck while muttering thanks to God in Italian. Lovino looked up and the emerald eyes of his teacher greeted him. "You really had us worried there Lovi." The Spaniard said without even a trace of a smile, and the honesty of his expression made it hard for Lovino to doubt him. Lovino felt his eyelids getting heavy and darkness began taking over his vision once more. "Lovi?" Antonio asked, his voice sounded panicky as he grabbed the sides of Lovino's face. "Lovino!" He shouted, but it was no use. Exhaustion and the lack of oxygen had taken its toll and Lovino fell once more into unconsciousness, accompanied by the lullaby of sirens in the distance.

* * *

.

* * *

Groggy golden eyes slowly opened but the brightness of the room caused them to squeeze shut instantly. "Shit…the fuck happened?" Lovino mumbled to himself, gently attempting to open his eyes once more.

"Ah! Lovi, you're awake!" and suddenly an aching, sleepy Lovino was tackled by a hyperactive Spaniard in the most uncomfortable hug he had ever received.

"Get the hell off me bastard!" Lovino yelled, but the strain on his voice made him choke slightly. Antonio pulled away worriedly and rubbed the Italian's back. Lovino glared at Antonio but didn't shake the Spaniard off, he didn't have the energy to. Besides, the last source of physical interaction Lovino had had, other than when he was getting hurt or a hug from his brother, had been from his mother a long time ago. When he could breathe a little easier, Lovino looked around at his surroundings. He was in a semi-private hospital room, though whoever the other occupant was, they had their curtains drawn around their bed.

_Fucking brilliant._

…_wait a minute._

"Why are you here, tomato-bastard?" Lovino asked his teacher and student mentor.

Antonio pouted at the 'nickname'. He still had his hand on Lovino's back but it was still, having stopped rubbing it when Lovino could breathe. "Well, after you stopped breathing your brother came and asked me for help. Then, I came and saved you!" Antonio said with a proud grin and suddenly a memory came back to Lovino. A memory of soft lips on his own and warmth filling him from the inside. _That bastard gave me mouth-to-mouth. That bastard…his lips were on mine…He was practically kissing me! _

__"Bastard!" Lovino yelled in embarassment, attempting to climb out from under his sheets so he could leave.

Antonio panicked, remembering what the doctor had told him while Lovino had been unconscious.

"No Lovi, you have to rest! You have fractured ribs that haven't had the chance to heal!" Antonio practically yelled, flapping his arms around desperately.

Lovino let out a small sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. "So the doctor told you about that then?"

"You knew?"

"Of course I fucking knew. It's damn hard to miss." Lovino glared somewhere to the right of the Spaniard as he spoke, burning a hole through the wall with his glare.

"...why didn't you say anything? I mean, the doctor said they broke in the accident. That was almost a year ago Lovi, it must have hurt! You even did Sports lessons! Lovino...you could have stopped breathing at any minute." Antonio said quietly, both curious and concerned. Lovino sat in silence, deciding no good could come from responding. "Does anybody else know?" Antonio pushed after realising Lovino wouldn't answer the other question.

"My father." Lovino replied almost silently. "He had to sign all the medical stuff. Feliciano was unconscious until a while after I left hospital."

"Why didn't your father sign you off school for a while to recover? At the very least he should have told the school you couldn't do anything physical, like sports lessons." Antonio muttered angrily to which Lovino sighed.

"I think... he hoped that maybe one day the over-exertion would kill me."

"Why didn't you tell them?"

"Because, maybe I hoped it too."

* * *

...

* * *

**Well.**

**That was the hardest damn thing to write ever.  
**

**Well, I guess everyone has to experience writers block at some point, right?  
**

**The Competition!  
**

**Ah yes...  
**

**I have seen many weird, wonderful and terrifying entries.  
**

**I have read them and I have decided...  
**

**The Winner of my awesome competition is...  
**

**Going to be announced next chapter! (And no, that is not the username xD)  
**

**Seriously guys. Deciding is hard.  
**

**They're all so...strange.  
**

**Sorry for this sucky AN  
**

**I'm tired as hell xD  
**

**And this chapter really stressed me out xD  
**

**Thank you for reading!  
**

**Reviewers get to avoid eating one of England's scones!  
**

**~Ore-sama  
**


	8. Watch

**I'm back! I'm sorry it took so long to post this D: Please enjoy!**

* * *

"…and then the ambulance came and took him to the hospital." Antonio concluded, watching his boss jot everything he said down onto a piece of paper resting on the large wooden desk that separated them.

"Okay, I'll get this filed tonight and it should be cleared by tomorrow, aru." Antonio nodded at the Asian man before him, offering a tired smile. He had had to file a report notifying the school of what happened the Saturday before, especially as he had performed CPR on Lovino. When Mr Wang had finished writing, he placed his pen on the notepad and met Antonio's gaze with a small smile of his own. "Well Antonio, it seems you were quite the hero. I dread to think of what could have become of Lovino had you not been around."

Antonio blushed a little at the praise but still winced at his boss' words. If Antonio had been busy, if he had been anywhere but in his room, Lovino would probably be dead. Antonio's mind felt dizzyingly mixed up as he remembered the words the small Italian had uttered before falling asleep. The very ones that had kept him awake every night since as he pondered the meaning.

"Antonio? What's wrong, aru?" Antonio was taken aback by the question, having not realised he had been so obviously melancholy.

"It's nothing, Lovino just said something at the hospital and it's had me thinking…" Antonio muttered quietly and Yao raised a thin eyebrow questioningly. "Why wait until now? The car accident was a year ago, so why wait until now to bring someone in to talk to Lovino?" Antonio asked, referring to the role he had been asked to play. It had been plaguing his mind for a while now, why had the school waiting so long to hire Lovino a mentor if he had been suffering? The Asian man sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. He closed his eyes and rubbed his eyelids with the tips of his fingers, before dragging them down his face to rest on his chin, finally opening his eyes to give Antonio a long-suffering look.

"Okay. Okay, you have a right to know, aru. But I trust you to be discrete on the matter." Antonio nodded in agreement, curiosity building inside. "There was an incident that occurred over the summer. I'm not going to go into details, I don't like the subject. As Lovino's mentor and form tutor you have access to his records, including his apparently incomplete medical ones, on the school system. You can look at them in your own time and ask any questions after that, aru." Antonio nodded again, making a mental note to remember to check Lovino's records later on that evening. "It was because of what happened that we called you in, and also why Lovino requires a twenty-four hour watch."

Antonio nodded again, feeling like he should be placed on a car windscreen. He was torn, unable to decide whether he would like to immediately return to his room so he could find out what exactly happened and sate his burning curiosity or to tear his hair out in utter frustration at how complicated this whole thing was.

"Wait a second…" Antonio's brow furrowed as his boss' words ran through his head. "Who's been watching him?" He thought to his classes with the boy, wondering if any of his students were actually a spy or something.

"His teachers when he's at school and his brother when he's at home." Immature dreams of Lovino actually being some most-wanted criminal that the government was trying to find evidence against suddenly shattered and another problem found its way to Antonio.

"But his brother doesn't live with him anymore?" Yao suddenly sat up in his seat, looking alarmed.

"What?" The Asian man asked, eyes demanding.

"He moved in with Ludwig the day that Lovino collapsed." Antonio explained, remembering his conversations with Feliciano while Lovino was unconcious, and Yao shot up out of his seat.

"How many days has Lovino been living alone?" Yao asked and Antonio counted days. Today was Tuesday and Lovino had been released on Sunday night.

"About a day, a little more." Lovino had been so adamant to leave the hospital earlier that his doctor had conceded to his stubbornness and allowed him to go home on the condition that Lovino would stay in bed as much as possible. Yao visibly relaxed slightly but still said something rather sharply in Chinese and grabbed a jacket from behind his chair and heading to the door, motioning for Antonio to follow.

"Where are we going?" Antonio asked curiously.

"To talk to Feliciano, aru." Yao replied, putting on his jacket and thrusting something into Antonio's hands as they walked out of the door. Antonio looked down at the object in his hands and saw a helmet. It was sleek and black and suddenly images came to mind of Yao sitting atop an impressive looking black motorbike, tearing down the roads towards the dorm building with Antonio in a side-car, the both of them looking cool and intimidating. All of his students gaping at how cool he looked and taking pictures, while Francis and Gilbert watched with jealous eyes...

His reverie was broken when Yao stopped walking as they had reached the car-park, and before Antonio sat a rather battered and old-looking Vespa.

Trying not to let his burning disappointment show, Antonio strapped on his helmet and climbed onto the small motor vehicle behind his boss and, at the Asian man's demand, wrapped his arms around his boss' effeminate waist so as not to fall off and together they drove to the dorms, Antonio's tanned face reddened in embarrassment.

* * *

.

* * *

Not a moment too soon, they were parked in front of the dorms and heading inside to the room Feliciano shared with Ludwig, taking the stairs to the fourth floor two at a time. It was during school hours but they were in luck as Feliciano hesitantly opened the door.

Antonio couldn't help but notice that Feliciano looked a lot healthier than he had ever seen him. His skin seemed brighter, his hair thicker and all-round the already bright and lively boy just seemed to exude more life. _Maybe leaving Lovino was good for him; the constant reminder of what happened cannot have been anything less than harmful to his health. _The Spaniard bit his lip, his eyes shining with guilt as he realised that they were there to force him into going back, to convince him to give up this newfound happiness.

It seemed the more Yao spoke of the need for Feliciano to return, the more lifeless the Italian's eyes became. Though they shone with unshed tears, the brownish orbs just seemed vacant and distant. Like he was nodding without really realising what was going on around him. Despite barely knowing the boy, it broke his heart to see him so destroyed. Unable to take the guilt any longer, Antonio interrupted Yao.

"I'll do it." He said suddenly and two sets of eyes were on him questioningly, "I'll move in with Lovino." Yao looked shocked and then incredibly relived and life struck Feliciano once more as the small Italian threw his arms around the Spaniard, standing on his toes so he could kiss him on the cheek in gratitude. Meanwhile, Antonio smiled but his thoughts were swirling around in his mind. _What the hell have I agreed to? I hope Colin's up for moving...  
_

* * *

_._


	9. Alteration

**Sorry this is so late D: (I can't believe I've become a writer who posts late updates! I swore this would never happen :(**

**Anyway, this chapter...I wanted to change the perspective a little and show how thing affect others. It's like a butterfly effect really...**

**This also starts before this story's plot, in the last week or so of the summer holidays, then progresses to current time in the plot. **

* * *

**You always disappear**  
**Even when you're here**  
**This is not my home**  
**I think I'm better off alone**  
**Home, this house is not a home**

* * *

Ludwig stared at the plain white front-door of his terraced house, trying to gather up the will to go inside. The door was just as plain and lifeless as the outer walls; all painted the same shade of white. Just as he remembered it. It was as if the outside of the house conveyed the utter lifelessness found inside it, and more specifically, the residents of said house.

It had been a while since he had been home, having spent most of the summer break at Feliciano's house as Lovino was…away.

With a few choice German words, Ludwig forced himself forward and through the front door.

* * *

The blonde German had to suppress the urge to remove his shoes as the inside of the house was filthy. Not only were there bits of rubbish strewn over the floor, there was also broken glass, empty bottles and dirty clothes. _Bruder must be home then._ Ludwig thought to himself, dropping his bag by the front-door. _This place…is so cold. As soon as I walk through the door it's like all hope is being sucked out of me through a straw._

He mechanically began clearing up the broken glass, picking up the bigger pieces and then sweeping up the remains with a dustpan-and-brush that he fetched from the kitchen.

Now that the floor was safe to walk on, Ludwig headed upstairs to check on his Grandfather.

"Opa, I'm back." Ludwig called out as he entered his grandfather's bedroom. The lights were out but the curtains were open which allowed enough light in to illuminate the pale, barely alive, almost hollow figure of what was once a powerful and impressive looking man wasted away after spending so many months lying motionless in bed. The man, Ludwig's Grandfather, didn't reply. He didn't even acknowledge that Ludwig was in the room. He just lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. The slow rise and fall of his chest the only indication that he was even alive. "…I'll go and start dinner." Ludwig mumbled, leaving the room and closing the door behind him with a quiet _snap. _They had long since accepted that their grandfather was not going to move. They had tried everything, yelling and screaming, bribery, threats…nothing had worked. The old German had been completely catatonic for months, after Julian died.

* * *

"West!" Came the loud slurring voice accented in a thick German accent, the only warning Ludwig received before his drunken brother's skinny form was slung around his shoulders in a weird form of hug. "S'been ages West! Wher'a'ya been? M-missed you." a sloppy wet kiss was pressed to Ludwig's cheek and the air around his face was suddenly pungent with the scent of spirits and beer.

"Hello Gilbert." Ludwig replied firmly, prying his brother's intoxicated body from his own. He couldn't say he was happy to see him. _I wonder how much he's drunk, it takes a lot to get either of us even tipsy_. "Bruder go take a shower, you smell of alcohol and sweat." He ordered in his strictest voice, pointing to the shower. Gilbert pouted and hung his head as he stumbled to the bathroom like a kicked-puppy.

* * *

Ludwig was back in the entrance room of the house, picking up the mess that littered the floor while the dinner he had prepared was cooking. He had two black bags in his hands, one for rubbish and the other for dirty clothes to be washed. He had been at it for a long time, the house had obviously not been cleaned since he left and he was (at long last) in the final dirty room, (other than Gilbert's as Ludwig had opened the door, taken one look at the heap of condoms and clothes that could not belong to anyone in the house, or the same person twice, and left immediately. There were some messes even he couldn't bring himself to clean).

The blonde reached out for one of the last pieces of dirty clothing when one of the bags he was holding ripped, splitting open and spilling dirty food and rubbish all over the freshly cleaned floor. He couldn't take it anymore, Ludwig looked at the mess around him and threw everything he was holding to the ground and slid to his knees. His body began to shake and he buried his face in his hands. "Damnit…Damnit." He whispered as warm tears slipped out of eyes bruised from exhaustion. His whole life had begun to unravel. His grandfather had barely moved an inch in almost a year, let alone spoken. His brother was always too drunk to help and his home was a mess, just like his life. And just like his life, when he tried to clean up the mess, it would always end up failing. He just felt so _useless. _ He couldn't help himself, he couldn't help his family… he couldn't even help Feliciano. The oven began to beep and Ludwig realised he would now have to try and drag his grandfather out of bed as the man lacked the life to do it himself. Picking himself off the floor and wiping his eyes pathetically, Ludwig headed into the kitchen to dish up the food, deciding to clean up the mess later. Completely unaware his now-significantly-more-sober older brother who had witnessed his little breakdown with concerned red eyes and headed upstairs to get their grandfather down so that Ludwig didn't have to.

* * *

.

* * *

Gilbert shoved open his grandfather's bedroom door and strided in singing "Good-morning sunshine!" in a high voice as he whipped the covers off of the taller blonde man and grabbed his left arm, slinging it around his shoulder so that he could pull the older German off the bed. "It's dinner time and Ludwig's here which means no more eating in that damn bed. You're getting up and we're gonna eat like a family, okay?" Gilbert said while half carrying his grandfather out of the room. Gilbert had decided, it was enough moping. He had been selfish and Ludwig had been the one to suffer for it. He had to come up with a solution to fix their crappy home-life situation before something happened.

"Opa put _some_ effort in. Otherwise we're both going to fall down the stairs and that would be so unawesome."

* * *

.

* * *

Ludwig finished putting the plates down on the table and took off his apron. He had made Wurst and mashed potatoes with a few carrots on the side. Nothing too fancy, and yet it contained everything they needed. Now came the part Ludwig hated. Dragging his grandfather to the dinner table was always so draining. It hurt him how weak the man he looked up to his whole life had become. He was just a shell of a man, barely even existing now. It was a shock to see his older brother coming in, looking and smelling a lot better for the shower, and carrying their grandfather. He smiled at his brother gratefully and the older German grinned in response.

* * *

Dinner was a quiet affair…okay, understatement. Dinner was silent. Silent and tense in a way that was almost painful. It was weird for Ludwig, trying to feed his grandfather like he was a small infant rather than the strong ex-soldier that had raised the two Germanic boys since their early childhood. In the end, Ludwig gave up. The food on his Opa's plate was mixed around and cut up but none of it had been eaten. Ludwig rested his knife and fork beside one-another on his own plate to indicate he had finished his barely touched meal but as he went to stand so he could take his Opa back to bed, Gilbert put his hand up, indicating him to stop.

"I'll do it Bruder. You start school again next week and you probably have homework you're just itching to get done." The older man joked, slinging his grandfather's arm around his shoulders like he had earlier, "Get it done quickly or finish the rest tomorrow. You look tired so don't stay up all night working, it would be so lame if you got sick." Gilbert said with a wink as he led their grandfather away.

* * *

.

* * *

"Knock, knock."

Ludwig took off his reading glasses as his brother entered his bedroom. His room was just as plain as anywhere else in the house. Sparsely furnished and cleaner than any hospital could dream of being.

Gilbert slowly entered the room, shutting the door behind him. "West, we need to talk." He said sombrely and Ludwig made some space for him to sit at the end of his bed. Gilbert accepted the offered seat, leaning back to rest against the wall too. "I'm sorry that I've been so selfish. I've been the most unawesome big brother ever and left you to look after Opa alone. Don't try to deny it, we both know it's true." Gilbert added the last bit when Ludwig began to protest. "Anyway, I've called a local hospital. They're going to collect Opa in the morning and look after him there. We can't do this ourselves Bruder, he needs someone who actually knows what to do and that isn't either of us." Ludwig was shocked to see tears in his brother's eyes. The silver-haired man had always been immature and reckless but strong. Seeing him looking so helpless…it was a feeling he knew all too well, and in that moment he knew that his brother had made the right choice. They couldn't continue like this. It wasn't healthy for anyone and a complete breakdown was drawing closer every day they lived as they did now.

As promised, the next morning people came and took his grandfather away; a doctor explained to them that he would call them when the old German was better so they could visit. Ludwig doubted he would ever get better, but he kept that to himself. As usual, his Opa didn't move. Not when he was loaded into a stretcher, not when the doctors asked him to and not when his grandsons said goodbye. Though the younger blonde swore he saw something like relief in his grandfather's tired blue eyes.

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School had begun again and once again Ludwig had been asked to replace his Grandfather as the sports teacher. He hated it. Giving commands and instructions was fine, he was used to that. It was the sick-notes and the "lost" P.E. kits and the one known as Lovino Vargas who was constantly being sick or pretending to collapse in his lessons. That was when he wasn't insulting the living daylights out of him. But, Ludwig persevered; he was graduating in a year after all.

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Strong arms wrapped around a smaller, shaking form. Ludwig guessed it to be around midnight and Feliciano was having another nightmare. His whole body shook and he kept letting out little whimpers and these terrified little squeaks, but all Ludwig could do to ease the pain was to hold him close and pray for him to be okay like he did almost every night. After a few minutes, the smaller boy's shaking stopped and Ludwig sighed in relief, kissing Feliciano on the temple lovingly and unwrapping one arm from around the smaller boy to wipe his eyes; quickly wrapping it around him again when the Italian stirred. It killed him to see the boy he loved like this, but thankfully it had been happening less frequently since Feliciano moved out of the room he shared with his brother. He had only had one panic attack since as well. He was so grateful that Antonio had agreed to live with Lovino, for Feliciano's sake, and he wished the older man luck. He would inevitably need it.

Speaking of which…

* * *

The sound of knocking disturbed Lovino's reading and he wondered for a moment whether or not to just ignore it, but in the end decided to check through the view-hole, just in case. It was probably someone waiting with a firework to throw at him, or a bucket of paint, or…or his Spanish teacher with his arms full of stuff. _So the head-teacher wasn't joking? _

Lovino pulled open the door, giving Antonio the darkest glare he could muster. "No." He said angrily, folding his arms.

"Lovi, don't be like that! We're roomies now, you, me and Colin." He said happily, indicating a small potted tomato plant that made Lovino's eyes shine slightly with want.

"Go away." Lovino replied flatly and Antonio began to pout. _Dear God this man's a fucking teacher? _

"So mean Lovi!" Antonio said jokingly, Lovino just rolled his eyes. "Wait…why are you up? You're supposed to be lying down! You have to rest Lovi, you can't just go walking around your room without reason, what if you fell or stopped breathing again? You can't be so irresponsible Lovino, you might get hurt or worse! I can't believe you would do this, straight after being let out a hospital, I mean-"

"Stupid bastard, you knocked on the door! Would you rather I left you out there? Fine by me, come on Colin." Lovino interrupted, reaching out and grasping Colin by the pot before pulling back inside and closing the door on Antonio.

Antonio gasped, "that's kidnap!" He yelled jokingly, banging on the door. "Don't worry Colin; I'll rescue you from the villainous, fire-breathing Italian!" Said fire-breathing Italian couldn't help but laugh at that, and the feeling of it made him feel lighter as if he were floating. Shaking his head, Lovino opened the door with a mock glare and one eyebrow raised.

"Fucking-rawr." The Italian joked, and this time it was Antonio that laughed. He honestly didn't believe the angry Italian had it in him. _Maybe living with him isn't going to be so bad after all…_

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**Okay so this chapter: lacking confidence in my writing a little so decided to play around with characters etc.**

**The OOCness: Ludwig is young and not a robot. He cares for Feli a lot and has to show it sometime :P**

**Feliciano has been through a traumatic experience and just because the effects aren't really mentioned, doesn't mean they don't happen**

**Lovino cannot be sad ALL the time. Plus I wanted to show the distinction between Lovi and Germania. Lovino reacts with varying emotions whereas Germania is just flat. Ludwig sees Lovi having life to him and views it as almost like he doesn't care what happened **

**Germania has just lost the one person he could not live without. I think of it like, Rome was his energy and life. Think how miserable Germany would be without Italy. His character song is entitled "loneliness" for crying out loud xD **

**Sorry for rambling AN it is midnight and I have been up for days. SO SLEEPY.**

**Oh and I didn't fail everything I only failed one course! Huzzah! (Exam results) I even got a couple of A's!**

**I'm like a former delinquent trying to turn my life around or something xD I should write a book entitled "From skinny-jeans to sweater-vests" XD Instead of wandering dangerous streets at ridiculous-o'clock-in-the-morning I now write fanfiction and read history books, or watch anime. Oh what a strange life I lead.**

**I will begin replying to reviews tomorrow because I am abso-bloody-lutely freaking shattered :P**

**Much love! **

**~Ore-sama**


	10. Run

**Have I ever mentioned that I don't own Hetalia? Oops. Well, it's kinda obvious that I don't, I barely own this laptop. I own the mind and fingers that produce this, and the ability to love Hetalia with all of what is left of my soul after Clannad and HetaOni destroyed most of it.**

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That night; after setting Colin on the only windowsill in the dorm room, Antonio wished Lovino goodnight and was about to head to his new room when the Italian handed him a small packet containing a handful of small round pieces made from white rubber.

"Earplugs?" Antonio asked curiously and Lovino nodded, averting his gaze.

"Trust me, if you want any sleep you'll wear them. I snore." Lovino muttered and Antonio nodded, taking the packages gratefully and marvelling at his new room mate's thoughtfulness.

"Gracias…well, have a good night." Antonio said with a smile, heading into what was once Feliciano's room with his suitcase to rest. He decided to unpack tomorrow as he had the day off; Wednesdays were when he had the afternoon assigned to form time with Lovino, who for the time being was off school to allow his ribs to heal.

And so, after getting changed into a pair of pyjama trousers (he had bought some after realising he was now sharing a dorm with someone else and would sometimes walk around the room in the morning wearing whatever he went to bed in), Antonio crawled into his new and rather unfamiliar bed and pulled a couple of earplugs out of the small packet he had been given. He assumed they had been leftover from when Feliciano lived in the dorm as it was unlikely the rather temperamental boy would buy them of his own accord. Although, Antonio was beginning to think he might have judged the boy too harshly…or maybe not. The Spaniard decided he would try to remain open minded, he felt like his sanity depended on it.

He relaxed into the bed, the absolute silence was strange but somehow calming, and pulled the covers over and around himself so that he was tucked into them rather snugly. As he started to drift off he thought about his evening so far. After finally entering the dorm-room, Lovino went into his bedroom for a little while (Antonio hoped to lie down and rest his ribs) and then came out just as Antonio decided to go to bed. It was a little awkward around the younger boy, after all he barely knew him. Still, he seemed quiet. Antonio hadn't heard a sound coming from the next room all evening and had assumed that the younger boy had fallen asleep until he came out and gave him the earplugs.

Finally sleep pulled the Spanish man into the realm of the unconscious, and away he slept. Blissfully unaware of the whimpered cries and occasional screams emanating from the bedroom opposite his own.

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When Antonio awoke the next morning, he had thought that he had gone deaf and begun to panic. Wondering why the world sounded so muffled, Antonio clutched his head in despair when he felt the little rubber lumps protruding from each ear-hole. With a large sigh of relief, Antonio remembered the ear-plugs. He grinned to himself as he plucked them from his ears and sound rushed to him…well, distant sounds of muttering and a car's engine from really far away.

The Spaniard climbed out of bed and headed out of his bedroom into the silent apartment, rubbing his face sleepily. He dragged himself into the kitchen and found, to his immense relief, a ready-made pot of coffee. He poured a mug of the bitter smelling liquid and went to drink it.

"Are you a fucking idiot? That much could kill you, you stupid bastard!" Antonio nearly dropped the cup and looked up to where Lovino was stretched out on the sofa reading a magazine.

"What?" Antonio asked, suddenly eyeing the cup warily.

Lovino sighed, looking back to his magazine. "It's espresso, get a smaller cup idiota." Antonio paled and put the mug down, reaching into the cupboards to retrieve a palm-sized glass cup, more suitable for the highly caffeinated beverage.

"Thanks for the warning." Antonio smiled gratefully, receiving only a disinterested grunt and the sound of a page turning in response. He filled the smaller cup with the liquid from the larger one, tipping the excess down the sink, and took a sip which burned his tongue slightly before taking a mouthful of the coffee and setting it on the counter beside him with a satisfied sigh. Antonio turned to observe the young Italian who appeared to be following the orders of his doctors and lying still, reading a magazine. All of the writing on it was in Italian, but it looked like some kind of sports magazine. "You like sports?" Antonio said in surprise, wandering over to Lovino with his espresso in hand.

Lovino glared at the magazine in front of him, irritated by the interruption. "Si, I like sports." He muttered in response, growling at Antonio who sat down on the floor beside the sofa.

"But you suck at sports?" Antonio said questioningly. It wasn't meant as an insult, Antonio was genuinely curious.

Lovino turned the page of his magazine so angrily that it ripped slightly. "I do not suck!" he fumed, "At least not at all sports, I'm good at running." He stated, though not in a boastful way. Antonio made an 'ah' of understanding, nodding slowly then his eyes emerald eyes grew sharp as he recalled something.

"Doesn't your brother have the school record for running?" Antonio asked, to which Lovino smirked, still looking at his magazine.

"Bitch please, who do you think taught him how to run so fast?" Antonio put on a face of mock innocence, putting his finger to his lips as if he were in thought.

"Hmm…Mr Beilschmidt?" He asked, laughing at the expression on Lovino's face, before the Italian whacked him on the head with the magazine.

"Go and do some of your boring teacher shit." Lovino said, a hint of humour to his voice. Antonio groaned childishly as he stood.

"But Lovi…" Antonio whined, ignoring Lovino's hissed warning not to call him by that name, pouting as he put his coffee cup in the sink. "I don't want to do marking, all of your classmates are too stupid or too busy talking about my ass to actually bother learning Spanish." He added in that childish whine. Lovino finally looked over at Antonio, eyebrows raised. "What?" Antonio asked, "You think teachers don't read the notes they confiscate in class?" He added with a smirk of his own.

Lovino blinked owlishly a couple of times before turning back to his reading, shaking his head in disbelief.

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For Antonio, the rest of the day was spent unpacking his suitcase into his new room and finishing off some preparation work. His next lesson wasn't until Friday, so he had enough time to get it all sorted. When he was done, he went into the sitting room, deciding that it was time to water Colin. Inside the sitting room, Lovino was still lying on the sofa, though now he had the television on and was surfing through the channels with a bored expression on his face. With a sigh he put down the remote and got up from the sofa, wincing and clutching his ribs as pain had flared up in his chest.

"Lovi, what are you doing? You're supposed to rest! The doctor said you shouldn't move hardly at all for the first week at least." Antonio fussed.

Lovino glared at him, teeth gritted in pain as he ground out, "Stop pretending like you care, damnit. Besides, I'm just going to take a shower." He straightened up and walked slowly to his bedroom to retrieve some clothes, and then seconds later came back out and walked into the bathroom. All the while, Antonio stood in the middle of the room, dumbfounded. _But I'm not pretending…_

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A little while later, Colin was watered and Antonio was sat on the sofa watching a cooking show intently. "I wish I could cook." Antonio muttered to himself quietly.

"No one's stopping you." Antonio jumped in his seat, looking up to where Lovino stood drying his hair with a towel. Antonio looked at him oddly, the Italian was wearing comfy-looking navy blue sports trousers and a light blue t-shirt, but what was weird was the large damp patch around his midriff.

"Didn't you dry yourself properly?" Antonio asked, ignoring the Italian's comment. He hadn't known the other was listening. "You could get sick if you walk around soaking wet." The Spaniard added, Lovino just shrugged carelessly.

"The bandages take ages to dry and I get bored of waiting." Lovino said simply.

Antonio raised an eyebrow, "You're not supposed to wear them in the shower Lovi, you're supposed to change them." Lovino looked away, ignoring Antonio. "You haven't changed your bandages yet?" he asked in a mixture of shock and confusion.

"…I can't." Lovino replied quietly, still looking away from Antonio.

Antonio regarded Lovino for a moment. "You can't because you don't know how, or you can't because it hurts too much?" Antonio asked.

Lovino shrugged sulkily, "both." He replied in a small voice.

Antonio sighed, standing up from the sofa. "Take your t-shirt off." He said, barely believing the words coming out of his own mouth.

"Mi scusi?" Lovino blanched, backing up slightly.

Antonio realised then what he sounded like, "No, I was just going to help you with your bandages!" he cried, holding his hands up defensively. Lovino raised an eyebrow and Antonio shook his head, "I'm not a pervert, I swear!" Lovino scoffed, muttering about the kind of people Antonio was friends with under his breath.

"Fine." With that the Italian walked into the bathroom, Antonio watched him for a few moments before following him inside.

* * *

The bathroom was quite small, so the two had to stand rather close. It was also still rather steamy from Lovino's shower which meant the room was very warm. Antonio asked where the bandages were and Lovino pointed to the first-aid box under the sink. When the Spaniard bent down to pick up the box, Lovino decided to see what all the fuss was about. Everyone was right, he decided. Antonio had a rather fantastic ass. His cheeks reddened slightly, but the Italian knew that Antonio would just assume it was from the heat, so he was safe.

Bandages in hand, Antonio rose and looked at Lovino for a while. Said Italian grew frustrated, looking away and then back to Antonio a few times until he had had enough. "What? What is so damn interesting?" He snapped, his face reddened from embarrassment.

"It's kinda hard to bandage you with your top on." Antonio stated the obvious and Lovino realised, his blush growing deeper and spreading over his neck as he pulled the blue cotton top from his torso and over his head. Antonio found where the bandage was pinned, undid the safety clip and began to unwind it, revealing the Italian's tanned chest. He had to admit that Lovino had a nice body, slim but not in the effeminate way that he thought Feliciano probably was. No, his chest was softly toned, though he was far too skinny for someone of his height. "You need to eat more Lovino." He muttered and Lovino shrugged absently, he was looking somewhere to his left, blushing from the sheer humiliation he felt.

Deciding to spare the boy, Antonio undid the new bandage. He instructed Lovino to raise his arms as he placed the beginning of the strip at the centre of his chest, pushing him to turn around as it would be easier to wrap him from behind.

Lovino reluctantly turned to reveal his back, his eyes clenched shut. He winced at the sound of shock coming from the older man. "Lovino…what…?"

Antonio resisted the temptation to touch the other boy's back. It was tanned like the rest of him, but heavily scarred. The scars looked like they were all from around the same time and all rather recent. It was hard to say what they could be from due to their strange shape, some were small circles, and others were large gashes down his back. "What on Earth happened?" Antonio asked, trying not to panic.

"You should know, you read my file." Lovino snapped, Antonio couldn't help but notice his voice sounded hurt.

Antonio shook his head slightly then continued wrapping the bandage around Lovino. "I haven't read your file." He said quietly.

Lovino furrowed his eyebrows, turning to half look at Antonio over his shoulder. "…But Mr Wang said-"

"I honestly forgot all about looking. So no, I don't know what happened... and I'm not going to check either." Lovino looked even more confused.

"Excuse me?" He asked and Antonio straightened up, having finished bandaging Lovino.

"I'm going to wait and let you tell me, when you're ready." Antonio said simply with a small smile, picking up Lovino's discarded top from the floor and handing it to him as he walked out of the bathroom and into the sitting room.

_Well you'll be waiting a long time then bastard._ Lovino thought to himself, biting on his thumbnail anxiously.

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**Tadaa :P**

**I managed to get this done ^-^ **

**I cannot tell you how nervous I've been about writing this chapter, I hope I didn't screw it up. If I did, please tell me how and I can try to fix it? **

**I've been trying to improve my writing, I spent a whole day at the library reading and taking notes on ways I could improve so hopefully things should start getting better...**

**OMG the creepiest thing happened at the library! My friend's mum (who absolutely hates my guts and wants to kill me cause I'm convincing my friend to move out of that house because she is NOT safe there and her parents keep threatening to kill her) showed up at the library just after I told my friend (her daughter) where I was and invited her and then as soon as I told her she stopped responding and then her freaking mother shows up and sits next to me for FIVE HOURS. She just sat and read the newspaper over and over and occasionally looking up at me. But it was all good because just before she showed up there were these two Russian guys sitting next to me and they were applying for British passports or something and they asked me for help with some stuff and so I did and we were talking and they were teaching me a little Russian and we were talking about the differences between countries and how I want to visit Russia. Basically, they came back and sat at the other two seats available so it was me, my friend's mum and these two huge, tattoo covered Russian guys and they were speaking to me in Russian and testing what they taught me earlier and OMG her face :') **

**Anyway...Random anecdote...**

**I'm sorry, does it annoy you when I do that? **

**Mi scusi means excuse me (at least, I hope it does, and I hope it's the right "excuse me" because I tried for AGES to find the right one) **

**Thank you for reading! ^-^ **

**Reviewers get to take Hanatamago on a walk with Finland and Sweden! (Unless they would rather babysit Sealand with Denmark or get a make-over with Iceland and Norway) **

**Oh and to the freaking adorable Ninja reviews, I love you! Thank you so much :') **

**I wish you had an account so that I could thank you more personally, but you don't so the best I can do is reply with my sincere thanks here! **

**~Ore-sama**


	11. Bond

**Enjoy! Warnings: Underage drinking and Lovino-teasing! **

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Friday

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"Okay, I better get to work. Adios amigos!" Antonio said with his usual grin, rising from where he was sat on the floor beside Feliciano, Lovino lying on the sofa as usual. He bent down to hug Feliciano goodbye and then after a second's thought, he stooped and hugged Lovino as well, moving quickly away so as to avoid being hit by the aggressive Italian.

With a sigh he headed to the door of the dorm, turning back to look at the brothers, Feliciano making fun of Lovino's blush as the elder yelled at him in aggressive Italian dialect. He found his reluctant frown morphing into a fond smile upon watching the two bicker playfully. As Lovino needed watching twenty-four hours a day and Antonio had to work, the Spaniard had asked Feliciano to watch him for a few hours. It would be easier, he thought, when Lovino returned to school, but that was a little while away yet. Besides…the Italian wasn't exactly bad company.

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When the door finally snapped shut, the room became uncomfortably silent, occasionally interrupted by nervous shuffling. "You don't have to stay." Lovino mumbled.

"Yes I do." Feliciano bit back sharply without hesitation. He seemed to regret his harsh tone and with a tiny sigh he tried to start conversation. "So…how have you been?" He asked.

"Fine…" Lovino lied, and the room became silent once more.

"Good… is it awkward living with your teacher?" Feliciano asked, he had to admit he was curious.

Lovino shrugged, rolling onto his side gently to better see his brother. "Not really, it's just…it's not awkward, but it isn't un-awkward. He can't cook for shit though." Feliciano had to laugh at that, his brother had always been extremely picky when it came to food. Though he couldn't exactly say that he wasn't too.

"Well, at least he's nice to look at." Feliciano laughed as Lovino spluttered indignantly. "What? Don't pretend like you haven't noticed Fratello, you'd be the only one in school who hasn't. Do you like him?" He said in a teasing voice, causing Lovino to whack Feliciano round the back of his head, making him pout. "Fine, fine. You don't like him." He smiled, deciding to change the subject. "I bet you can't wait until you can cook again." The desperate and despairing face Lovino pulled in response to that made the younger Italian giggle.

"I swear if I see another pizza delivery man in my life I will shoot him. Or suffocate him in his crap excuse for a pizza." Lovino said sombrely and Feliciano could only hope he was joking.

"How long is it until you can walk properly?" He asked quietly, still guilty he had never realised.

"Another couple of days, it'll be at least another week until I can go back to school." Lovino said quietly. A cheeky smile made its way onto Feliciano's face and he got to his feet and began to walk away from the sofa where his brother lay.

"…when the pain stops will you finally be able to go back to wearing decent clothing?" He asked and Lovino gasped, only half offended, knowing what he was getting at.

"Excuse me?" He asked rhetorically, raising one eyebrow.

"Lovino you're wearing sports trousers but you aren't doing any exercise. Couldn't you be in pain while wearing Prada or something?" He giggled and Lovino grabbed a pillow from behind him and threw it at his younger brother.

"Cheeky bastard! Go make yourself useful and cook me some lunch." With another mischievous giggle, Feliciano stomped off towards the kitchenette area with put-upon anger.

"Che palle! I am the grumpy Lovino; everyone else can suck my balls, God-damnit! I love to shout and swear and get angry and pretend that I do not fancy my hot Spanish teacher, even though I check out his ass every time he bends over." Feliciano teased in a low voice which was surprisingly accurate, rifling through the cupboards for the ingredients and equipment needed to make pasta.

Lovino blushed furiously from the sofa, muttering a rather colourful array of Italian and English curse words. With a smirk he decided to get his own back. "Oh I am the innocent Feliciano, ve. Everyone, ve, thinks I'm so innocent, ve. No one knows what a manipulative bitch I can be, ve. Ve, ve, ve, ve!" He said in a high-pitched voice which actually sounded nothing like his younger brother. "Fratello," He said, voice returned to normal, "Has the potato bastard ever actually seen this side to you?" He asked, Feliciano only winked in response. Lovino let out a laugh but then winced from the pain in his side. "Hurry up with that pasta will you?"

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Lovino had never enjoyed food so much in his life. He ate like a man starved as Feliciano just looked on with his airy smile, glad his brother was enjoying the meal. "Do you know what this needs?" Lovino suddenly stated, looking up at his brother from the dining table. He had braved the walk over out of sheer stubbornness and despite the pain he felt from sitting up at the table in the unforgiving wooden chair, it was still worth it. "This needs wine." Feliciano agreed and got up from the table to retrieve the wine bottle from its place in one of the wooden cabinets. He brought down a rather modest vintage and began rifling through the drawers for a bottle-opener.

Lovino pulled the bottle towards him and inspected the label. Pleased with his brother's choice, he let it rest in the centre of the table. He heard shuffling in front of him and looked up to see his brother sitting opposite, smiling. "…did you get the bottle opener?" He asked, watching as his brother's face morphed into confusion, then realisation as he hopped up to return to his task. Lovino's smile turned bitter and he looked at the table, biting on his lower lip. "You forgot, didn't you?" He muttered softly, even though he knew the answer. Feliciano shut the drawer, finally having found the bottle opener.

"Fratello, it's okay, it doesn't matter." He tried to soothe his older brother's guilt, but they both knew it would never work. "Really Lovi, it's okay. People always forget things, they go into a room and forget why they went in. It's nothing." Lovino looked up at his brother then, teary-eyed and hopeful. The hopeful light faded from his eyes and a blankness descended over them.

"You forgot the glasses." He said the words quietly and Feliciano winced at them.

"Well….I always was an airhead!" The younger Italian forced himself to laugh, quickly going to get some glasses. He decided a drink was actually rather needed after all.

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"You look tired Lovi." Feliciano said, taking a sip of his wine. He wasn't drunk, but he felt incredibly calm.

Lovino laughed humourlessly, finishing off his glass and reaching for the bottle once more. "You don't." Guilt struck Feliciano then, but it was hastily pushed away. It wasn't his fault that his nightmares had stopped.

"Does Antonio know? About the-"

"Earplugs." Lovino cut in, knowing the question before it was asked.

"Ah." Feliciano nodded, taking another drink. "You always were too cunning for your own good." He added with a dry smile.

"…We both were."

After a couple more glasses of wine each, they began to share stories about their past, memories that each forgot they had, and as the bottle was nearly empty…the people they lived with.

"And he talks t'the fucking thing! He wishes it good-morning, he makes it this special mineral-filled water for lunch…I fucking swear to God I once caught him reading it a bed-time story!" Feliciano laughed loudly at that, banging his hand on the table-top. Lovino then pointed at the one responsible, Colin. "You…you bastard! I'll fucking 'ave you. Come…at me." Lovino's eyes began to droop sleepily and Feliciano laughed, joining in and pointing at the plant.

"So it's your fault huh? Don't you try and cut in…and…what was I saying again?" He asked blankly and Lovino got up from his seat, not caring that it hurt like hell.

"Feli! I'm so sorry Fratello mio!" He yelled, wobbling over and landing in his brother's lap. He threw his arms around the younger's shoulders and buried his head in the boys neck, crying heavily. "You know…I never wanted…It wasn't supposed to happen. I was just angry, angry at my little Fratello and you didn't deserve it. None of them did!" Feliciano began to cry too, and the two of them sat together like that, hugging and crying until they both fell asleep.

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Antonio pushed open the door, glad to be home at last. The class had been rather stressful, especially since rumours about him going to live with Lovino had begun to spread. The class that once loved him were beginning to call him names and whisper mean things about him, and the same stuff as always was said about Lovino. With the added mix of someone hearing about him going into hospital and people asking him if he'd finally "up-and-died". He hated it, and he hated them. They were so cruel!

He let out a breath of relief and looked around worriedly, having only just noticed Lovino wasn't in his usual spot on the sofa. And then he saw them.

Feliciano sitting on a dining chair by the table, Lovino sitting on his lap hugging him close. The Spaniard almost feinted at both the shock and how completely adorable the two looked. His terrible day forgotten, Antonio grabbed his phone out of his pocket and took a picture. He decided he would get it printed and framed, there were no pictures in the dorm-room after all.

With a fond smile he carefully picked Lovino up from Feliciano's lap and gingerly carried him to his own bed. He decided to give the younger Italian Lovino's room and give Lovino his. After all, Antonio's ribs were fine, and it was slightly less awkward for Lovino to stay in his bed than Feliciano.

When he was sure Lovino was tucked into the soft blankets, Antonio then went and carried Feliciano to his older brother's bed. Placing him down and making sure the cover was over him before turning the lights off and going to clean up the kitchen. He tutted disapprovingly at the empty bottle of wine, then shuddered at the realisation he would have to care for two hung-over Italians in the morning. Oh joy.

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**Hey guys! Hope you liked the chapter! Jeeze sorry this and editing is rushed, want to get it in before work and will have to leave in like literally 5 minutes ohhellshitballs.**

**Sorry!**

**AAAAAH**

**Panic XD**

**Anyway, sorry, hope you liked! Will reply to whatever I can on my phone while at work! (Part time jobs FTW!)**

**Okay, love you guys!**

**BTW next chapter might be late because I start school soon and it's my birthday this week D:**

**Hope to get it done quickly, I have big plans for that chapter. Big. Plans.**

**Love you all! Have a nice week! **

**~Ore-sama**


	12. Tired

**So...this happened. As it stands this chapter is 4,049 words long storywise and with AN and additions...who knows? This chapter gets a little...emotional? I don't know... I just hope it's okay :) **

**So without further ado, Please Stop Acting Like You Care.**

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****A week later, Saturday

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Large, tan hands plunged into the bubbly water, retrieving the sponge from its watery depths. With a smile of success, Antonio pulled the small porous cleaning device from its comfortably warm surroundings. Yep, Antonio was in charge of cleaning the dishes after Lovino cooked dinner. _Living with Lovino_, thought Antonio, _is a lot like living with two Colins…Both are quiet and provide me with food. Although, Colin's mood swings are nowhere near as dramatic.  
_If he was honest with himself, Antonio was beginning to feel a little out of his depth, it seemed Lovino was a lot more docile while injured, but as soon as he could walk again he was almost completely different. A few days ago, he screamed at Antonio about how painful his cooking was to eat, (which Antonio pretended hadn't upset him as much as it did) and developed this habit of randomly going to his room, slamming his door shut and then sobs would be heard for a while afterwards. After a while, Lovino would have a shower and pretend that nothing had ever happened. Whenever Antonio asked him if he was okay, he would only receive short mutterings of 'Fine.'

The plates were done and so Antonio dried his hands and wandered into his bedroom to go to sleep as it was late, Lovino having long ago disappeared into his own bedroom, and the Spaniard was tired.

* * *

Groaning in frustration, Antonio turned to the nightstand where his phone lay, reading the time and whining pathetically. Just before one in the morning. He didn't have to work that day, but this wasn't the first night where he found he could not sleep. He pulled the ear plugs from his ears, feeling a little relief at the ability to hear returning to him, and left his room. He rather fancied a tall glass of cool, fresh water.

* * *

He had been right about the water; the cool liquid was perfect on such a warm evening. He enjoyed it so much that he filled another glass, and was about to take a sip when a blood-curdling scream ripped into the room, and Antonio froze up. The glass slipped from his grasped and smashed on the floor, but he didn't care as he tore across the dorm room to where the scream was coming from. He pulled open the younger's bedroom door and looked inside, immediately spotting Lovino in a tense ball in the centre of his bed, his covers on the floor somewhere. He was whimpering heavily and then suddenly another inhuman scream poured from his lips. Antonio stood on the spot, having no idea what to do as the boy just kept releasing this desperate, ear-piercing scream. Finally, he did what his mother used to do when he had a nightmare, and tried to wake the smaller boy. He called his name a few times, but he would never be heard over the screaming. So he climbed onto the bed and shook Lovino forcefully, still calling his name. After a particularly violent shake, the Italian finally awoke. He looked up at Antonio with wide, confused golden eyes. His chest rose and fell as he took deep breaths, slowing down a little as he calmed down. He was obviously too tired to fully register what had happened, because soon he was asleep again.

Antonio picked up the duvet from the floor and gently put it back over the Italian, making sure to tuck him in carefully. When he looked comfortable enough, Antonio left the room and headed to the sofa, flopping onto it bonelessly, and covered his face with his hands. The sounds of the smaller man's screaming still ricocheted round his eardrums. It was a sound that would haunt Antonio, he was sure. It had been such a chilling sound, his blood still felt frozen in his veins and he was shaking slightly. Knowing he would not rest tonight, Antonio felt the need to see an old friend. He cleared up the broken glass and got changed as quietly as he could, still shaking as he headed out of the door.

* * *

.

* * *

For some reason, when Lovino awoke that morning, he found himself thinking of Antonio. Not particularly wanting to get out of bed at that moment, he decided to let his thoughts wander. _He looks so tired lately…_he thought to himself as he stretched out on his bed. It was true, the man had just looked so exhausted lately, and Lovino could tell it was at least partially his own fault. It was as if the spark had gone from the Spaniard, and all that was left was this tired man who was pretending with large, practised smiles that no longer reached his eyes, and dark circles which showed the man had been getting about as much sleep as Lovino had. It was starting to eat at the Italian, and he couldn't really tell why. _He's only some teacher of mine, why should I care so much? Why do I feel so guilty?_

* * *

_._

* * *

Francis carried two cups of coffee into his front room, placing one on the low table beside his sofa, on top of which lay his sleeping Spanish friend, and the other he held as he sat on the chair opposite. Antonio had been knocking at his door at close to two in the morning, white as a sheet and looking like he hadn't slept in days. With promises to talk as soon as he awoke the next day, Francis had given him a couple of sleeping tablets and Antonio had fallen asleep on the sofa. It was now mid-afternoon and Francis decided it was time to wake the man up. _Hmm…how do I do this? _He pondered, delicate finger placed to his lips in thought. He clicked his fingers with a mischievous smirk as an idea came to him.

When the Bad Touch Trio had shared a room, they had each had their own little ways of waking each other up. It was like a game to them. If Gilbert was the first to wake, Antonio and Francis could look forward to having iced water thrown over them, or if they were on the sofa where Gilbert usually slept, they would just be kicked off onto the floor. Antonio was too nice to ever be good at the game; he would just hold beer under either of their faces until they woke up. Except on those occasions when Francis would piss Antonio off and the Frenchman would be awoken by an irate Spaniard pelting him with bits of cold cheese. The worst, though, was Francis.

Said Frenchman smiled proudly at the memories of the old days as he bent over Antonio and gently took the top of the Spaniard's ear between his teeth and nibbled slightly. He then purred Antonio's name softly, to which the Spaniard groaned. Holding back a laugh, Francis purred his name louder and kissed his neck softly. Antonio let out a slight moan and his eyes fluttered open sleepily. When he realised what had happened he swore quietly, glaring angrily at Francis. "I hate you sometimes, amigo."

Yes, Francis' method was much more devious. Whenever he woke up first, the others would awake feeling flustered and embarrassed.

Laughing, Francis sat back in his seat opposite Antonio. "So mon ami, I am curious to know who you thought it would be when you opened your eyes?" The blonde joked, causing Antonio to blush. It was then Antonio realised that he didn't know, though that hardly made him any less embarrassed, it was as if as soon as he had woken up the person had become a vague silhouette. All he could remember was that the scent of them reminded him of his mother and his homeland, though he couldn't say why.

"Why, Francis? Couldn't you have just shaken me or something?" Francis only laughed and pushed the coffee on the table closer to the Spaniard.

"Feeling better mon cher?" the blonde asked, smiling although his voice was serious. Antonio nodded gratefully. The long sleep had definitely helped, even if it made him feel groggy. "So what is bothering you pet?" He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and fingers steepled before his face, tips resting against his lips.

Antonio knew the analysing look in his friend's eye, and after barging in in the middle of the night and having to sleep on the man's sofa, there was no way he could get away with pretending to be fine. "It's...everything." Antonio said with a sigh, sitting up and wrapping his arms around himself protectively. "Teaching a class two years' worth of material is hard, and it isn't going very well. Then there's the rumours going around and people keep saying mean things about me, and I could lose my job if they get out of hand! And it doesn't matter what I do, Lovino is still upset and I'm trying but I really don't know how to help him and I just feel so helpless and useless about it all, and for Christ's sake I'm an adult! I should be able to deal with it, but it's all building up higher and higher and I just feel so overwhelmed…that…I…can't…do…"Antonio began to hyperventilate and Francis recalled an incident many years ago where similar words were pouring from the very same friend's mouth, and he did exactly as he did back then. He drew his hand back and slapped his friend across the face, hard.

Hurt emerald eyes looked up at him with such innocence that Francis almost felt guilty. He got up from his seat opposite the Spaniard and instead sat next to him, pulling him into a side-ways hug. "Do you remember, Antonio?" Francis said softly, a sad smile on his face.

Antonio chuckled slightly, resting his head on his friend's shoulder, his nose crinkling as Francis' long hair tickled his face. "Yes, I remember." He said sadly, "Though it is different this time." Francis' gaze turned stern, and fierce sapphire eyes stared directly into emerald, daring him to lie.

"Is it?" He asked sharply, though it wasn't through maliciousness and Antonio knew that.

"Yes. I promise, it's not like last time." Francis sighed with relief, his features softening.

"Thank god. I didn't check, but…" Antonio nodded understandingly, his friend's concern was not exactly unjustified. "Have you told Lovino?" The Frenchman asked curiously, Antonio frowned and gave Francis a look that told him he was crazy. "It's not that ridiculous an idea, it might even get him to trust you." He said softly, knowing this was a very delicate topic. "Just think about it, mon cher." He concluded. Antonio nodded, indeed thinking about it. Suddenly his eyes widened in realisation.

"I've left him alone! Puto, what time is it?" He asked, frantically gathering his things so he could leave. "I'm so stupid! Why am I so stupid?" He yelled angrily, grabbing the shoes beside the sofa and forcing them on harshly.

"Antonio, stop!" Francis yelled, wrapping his arms around Antonio's. "Just call him to see if he's okay, he's practically an adult, mon cher, he can take care of himself."

Antonio calmed down a little, nodding as he searched for his phone. He found it in the pocket of his jeans; he had gone to sleep in them as nothing Francis owned was anywhere near big enough to fit him.

The brunette flipped open his mobile phone and dialled the number for his and Lovino's dorm room, his worry growing with every unanswered ring. "Lovi pick up…pick up…come on…" He muttered, panic beginning to settle in his stomach. "I swear to God if something's happened to him I will never forgive myself." He said seriously, not having heard the _click_ to say the phone had been answered.

"What are you talking about idiota?" Antonio nearly cried with relief at the sound of his grumpy roommate.

"You're okay?" He asked, Francis just rolled his eyes. A small smile graced his noble French features at the sight of his friend. The oblivious man probably didn't even realise he was grinning like he had received the greatest gift in the world.

The two chatted for a little while over the phone and Francis was happy to just sit and watch as his friend laughed and smiled while talking. He had a feeling his friend would be okay, in time everything would sort itself out.

With promises to be back soon, Antonio hung up the phone and turned back to his friend. Grin still firmly in place. "He's fine, he was just reading. Apparently his brother only just left, anyway." Antonio told Francis. Francis couldn't help but smile along with his friend, it didn't matter who you were, if Antonio smiled the world smiled with him. "I better go, it's getting late. Thanks Francis." He smiled gratefully, hugging his friend tightly.

Francis laughed, returning the hug. "Don't worry about it, I did nothing." He said with a smile, Antonio laughed squeezing Francis.

"You listened to me, gave me a place to stay for the night, you're a good friend Francis."

"Oh, you're not going to kiss me are you?" The blonde joked and Antonio pulled away.

"Nope. Like I said, it's not the same as last time." Antonio said with a wink.

Francis shook his head, chuckling lightly.

"Adios amigo!" Antonio gathered his possessions and put on his other shoe while Francis opened the door for him.

"Salut Antonio. Say, why did you come to me instead of Gilbert? He's an idiot, but we both know he's better at this stuff then I am." Francis asked, other than when love (or sex) was concerned, Francis was terrible at giving advice.

"Oh, I'm still mad at him for having sex on my desk." Antonio shrugged honestly and Francis laughed, waving him off and shutting the door behind him.

* * *

.

* * *

Antonio pushed open the door to the home he shared with Lovino and was immediately hit with hot air and the scents of various smells that he remembered from his childhood. For a moment it was like he was back in Spain, in his mother's kitchen, helping her cook. His fondest memories were from back then. His father would come home from work with the hugest smile lighting up his deep green eyes. They were a poor, but extremely happy family.

"Hey bastard, you just gonna stand there all day?" Antonio jumped, he had been so lost in his memories that he'd forgotten that those moments were gone, his mother was far away and he would never again see his father's face light up with joy at the sight of his family.

"Hola Lovi, you're making Paella?" He asked curiously, heading into the dorm and closing the door. Lovino had only ever made Italian food, deeming other culture's food to be inferior.

"Yes, I am. It's nearly done so sit down." Antonio nodded and sat at the dining table, suddenly able to smell something sweet.

"You made churros too?" He asked excitedly. They had been his favourite food as a child and something he hadn't eaten in years. He still remembered the smell of them though.

Lovino said nothing, instead continued adding various ingredients to the dish on the cooker. Antonio couldn't help but feel excited about being able to have some of his favourite food after so long, but sitting at the table made him feel restless. "Can I help?" He asked, expecting Lovino to say no. The Italian was about to, but then the look of disappointment already settled on the darker brunette's face made him change his mind.

"Sure. You can cut up those." He said, motioning to an onion and four cloves of garlic. Antonio nodded and rolled up his sleeves in preparation for his job. He reached for the cutlery drawer beneath the kitchen counter when, placed on top of the counter, he saw a few pieces of paper that had been printed from the internet. The title read 'Top 10 traditional Spanish recipes' and underneath was the recipe for the very Paella Lovino was making.

"Lovino, did you do this just for me?" He asked, flattered. Although Lovino's back was turned to him, he could tell the Italian was blushing because the tops of his ears went red.

"So what if I did?" He snapped angrily and Antonio's smile was joined by a slight blush of his own.

"That's…wow, thank you Lovi, that's so nice!" Antonio grinned, running up to hug Lovino from behind. Lovino let out a yell of surprise and whacked Antonio with the spatula he was holding until he let go.

* * *

.

* * *

The dinner was delicious, and the two sat in companionable silence as they ate their dessert. The churros Lovino had made were delicious, and the two were enjoying the last of the lot. "That was amazing." Antonio said once he'd finished his last churro, and Lovino was unable to supress the small proud smile at the compliment.

"It was nothing…" He said modestly, looking down at the table.

"I wish I could cook as well as you do…or at all, really." Antonio said wistfully.

"I guess I could teach you, if you'd like." Antonio brightened slightly, hope flickering in his eyes.

"Really?" He asked excitedly. He had always wanted to be able to cook properly, ever since he was young and helping his mother in the kitchens.

Lovino raised an eyebrow at the excited-puppy look Antonio was giving him. It was rather becoming, he decided. "Whatever, we'll start tomorrow afternoon for lunch." Antonio resisted both the urge to dance and the urge to hug the Italian before him, happiness emanating from the man. It was quite a sight to see such a happy person even happier than usual. "But don't think this is for your benefit, if something happens and you have to cook again, I might just die, damnit."

* * *

.

* * *

That evening, Lovino was sat on the sofa reading his book as usual; Antonio was sat at the dining table going through some test papers for one of his classes. It was rather depressing how badly they were doing overall. "They need to stop texting each other and start learning the language…" Antonio muttered.

"What was that?" Lovino asked.

"Nothing, talking to myself." Antonio answered, putting down the papers with a sigh. "You're awfully quiet tonight, well, more so than usual. Are you okay?" Antonio asked.

"Fine." Lovino responded rather quickly, Antonio frowned slightly.

"Really?"

"What do you think?" Lovino snapped, turning a page in his book.

Antonio's frown morphed into a look of sadness as he muttered, "I think you still don't trust me," quietly in response.

Lovino still heard it though; he closed his book and turned to face Antonio. "Well, you don't trust me." Antonio looked at the boy in surprise.

"What do you mean?" He asked nervously.

Lovino sighed and got up from the sofa, choosing instead to sit opposite Antonio at the dining table. "I know something's been bothering you. You look like shit half the time, dress like it too. You weren't eating your food… should I go on?" Antonio shook his head, embarrassed with himself. "You expect me to tell you everything that's bothering me? Well trust goes both ways." Lovino huffed angrily, Antonio looked up at him with sad eyes as he tried to think of what he could say.

"I…I'm sorry Lovino, you're right. I should have spoken to you, I guess I just didn't think." Lovino accepted his apology with a nod, shuffling awkwardly in his seat.

"So, what was wrong?" He asked shyly, playing with the sleeves of his shirt.

Antonio looked surprised for a moment and Lovino shifted uncomfortably in his seat from the attention. "Um, well, it's kinda silly really." The elder said with a slight chuckle, running his hands through soft, chocolate coloured curls. "I guess everything just got to me, and I felt a little overwhelmed by it. But, I think everything's going to be okay." He said with a smile, to which Lovino nodded thoughtfully. "So, what's up with you Lovi?" Antonio asked hopefully.

The Italian sighed and ran a hand through his own hair. "It's nothing, just a rumour going round that my brother ended up overhearing. He came by to see if it was true or not earlier, it upset him quite a lot." Antonio frowned at that, _so I'm not the only one being affected by mean rumours then._

"What was the rumour?" He asked curiously, wondering if it had anything to do with the rumours going around about himself.

Lovino sighed again, one hand tangled in his hair as he looked somewhere to the left of himself. "The rumour is that I have started cutting myself." He said darkly and Antonio gulped.

"…Oh." He shifted in his seat a little. "And you've never…?" He trailed off at the harsh glare he received from the other.

"Of course not! What kind of bastard would take enjoyment from…" Lovino didn't finish the sentence, too distracted by the large wince coming from the man opposite. "Antonio?" He asked quietly, suddenly feeling the tension in the air.

"…There's nothing enjoyable about it." Antonio muttered quietly. Lovino's eyes widened at the implication as a shaky sigh was released from Antonio's lips. "When I was a few years younger than you are now, I used to do bad things to myself." He said softly.

"Bad things?" Lovino asked uneasily.

Antonio nodded, his eyes began to glisten slightly with tears. "I would cut or sometimes burn myself." Lovino felt the air around him grow cold as his roommate's words sank in.

"…Why?"

Antonio shrugged, a single tear sliding down his face which just seemed so …_wrong._ "My father was very sick and my mother was struggling to look after him. I was over here so I couldn't really help except by sending over as much money as I could make in part-time jobs, as my father couldn't really work. I guess everything just built up and I couldn't take the pressure of it all. In the end I had to leave school when I was nearly fifteen, return back home to Spain so I could look after them both. I stopped hurting myself when I got home, I was too busy to even think about doing it what with looking after them both and trying to get good enough grades to get into university while earning enough money to support us all. Especially after my father died and it was just me and my mother…" He admitted, as hard as it was, he knew he had to trust Lovino if the boy was ever going to trust him in return.

Lovino just stared at the man for a few moments, in shock. Antonio looked so _sad._ It was wrong. So terribly wrong. All he wanted to do was to make him smile like he always did, to get him back to his usual self and make everything okay again. So he did the first thing that came to mind, he got up from his seat and hugged him. Antonio was surprised, but comforted by the gesture. After a few moments, the two separated and Antonio wiped his face. He looked up at Lovino with a grateful smile as the boy looked away, red-faced. "Are you…okay?" The Italian asked awkwardly.

Antonio laughed slightly, "Si, I'm fine. I…I actually feel a little better for having said it out loud. Thank you for listening to me." Antonio said with a smile, not as big as his usual one but a smile nonetheless. Lovino just nodded, feeling extremely awkward. "I think I'm going to go take a shower." Antonio said, rising from his seat.

"I'm going to go to bed." Lovino responded, turning to leave when Antonio called his name. "Hm?" He asked, when suddenly Antonio's large form was wrapped around him in a warm embrace.

"Thank you." The older man said softly, holding the Italian close. Lovino stood awkwardly with one hand by his side while the other patted the Spaniard's back awkwardly a couple of times before he pushed him off.

"That's enough hugs for one day, bastard." Lovino said without any real mirth and Antonio laughed, heading towards the bathroom. "Wait, I have a question about…that." Antonio turned to face the younger.

"Sure, what is it?" He asked.

"It's just…I've seen you wear T-shirts, and I've never seen…I mean I never checked, but…"

"…Scars fade Lovi, remember that." And Lovino knew he wasn't only referring to physical ones.

* * *

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**The end.**

**I joke! Hehe :') How dead would I be if I ended it there?  
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**Oh god I need to reply to your reviews but I'm so tired! I'll do it soon I promise! I have read every single one and they are so cute! Thank you for the awesome birthday wishes!  
**

**Okay, so I have two request things!  
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**1. Francis needs somebody! And if I can't decide soon then he shall be Colin's new luverboy (I jest, Colin is clearly more Gilbird's type!) Anyway- in your reviews it would be awesome if you could put suggestion/votes. I will either go by quantity OR the convincingness of the argument! If you can tell me who you want to see them with and why they should be with them and it's convincing enough then BAM! ((This does not include bashing ships. Absolutely no "I hate FrUK" Or "FrPr is totally gross" or anything like that [just so you know those were two absolutely random examples and I have no issue with either of those pairings or any pairing at all really])) Also, the winning partner will only have a small mention, it's just nicer if you guys get a say in who, yanno?  
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**2. I am very curious as to how old people think the characters are. I will say the approximate age next chapter, but I just was wondering how old you thought they were, or if you could work it out XD  
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**Okay so that's that! I should hope to get the next chapter up soon, but I am working all next weekend and I'm still getting used to school so there's a chance it might be a little late OTL  
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**Also I regret not being able to do the hungover Italian's scene. I didn't realise the idea of it sounded so appealing to you all! Maybe I'll do a brief flashback or something at somepoint xD  
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**I will reply to reviews and PM's soon! (I sincerely hope, I mean, I honestly love talking to you all!)  
**

** ~Ore-sama  
**


	13. Allies

**Hello again! Don't mind me, I'm just about to go to work. Thankfully I wrote this out last night and I'm just editing and uploading before I go :) **

**Interesting fact, this story was originally going to be called "Stop acting like you give a damn" which I think is better in some ways...worse in others. I still own nothing!  
**

* * *

"Okay, I'll see you later Lovi, have a nice day!" Antonio called as Lovino got out of the car. The Spaniard had given Lovino a ride, finally deciding to give up on his 'Walking to work and back' idea as the weather was starting to get worse. Lovino waved a casual hand at him and headed into the school building.

The Italian nervously made his way up the school stairs to the top floor where the science department was. His ribs had finally healed enough for him to be able to return to school, so long as he didn't over-exert himself or find himself badly injured any time soon.

As soon as he entered the classroom, all eyes were on him. And after an awkward few seconds where Lovino just stared at the class who stared back at him, they all turned to each other and began muttering intently. Lovino said nothing and headed to the back of the classroom to his usual seat at the end of the row, second row from the back. There was at least one free seat (or just the isle) surrounding him, and the teacher never really set any work that Lovino couldn't accomplish alone. That never stopped the people at the back of the class from trying to mess with him though, and by the end of the lesson Lovino had had to douse his shirt twice himself and right at the end of the lesson, Mr Jones had to spray him with the fire extinguisher, before giving him a lecture on fire safety in school.

And now, dripping wet and cursing every living existence in the school, Lovino walked to the room where his next lesson was held. _History with the arrogant potato bastard number two…Fuck._

The one positive Lovino found with his History lessons was that, although extremely arrogant, loud, annoying and narcissistic, Mr Beilschmidt was surprisingly really strict. On this occasion though that was a downside, as Lovino was five minutes late because of the lecture Mr Jones had given him. With an unhappy groan, Lovino pushed open the door of the classroom and walked inside, expecting his teacher to begin shouting almost immediately.

* * *

What he found, however, was that as soon as the German caught sight of Lovino's dripping wet form, he began laughing. Tears streamed down the teacher's pale cheeks as he clutched himself around the midriff, inhumanly loud laughter that belonged singularly to him was the only sound ricocheting around the room.

_Fucking child…_Lovino thought dismally, rolling his eyes and walking over to his seat with a strong scowl and a deep blush. _I would have preferred for him to have yelled at me…_

Once his immature teacher had calmed down, Lovino was relieved to find the class went on without disruption for a while. The teacher talked and everyone listened intently, filling pages with notes and trying to organize all the dates in their heads. All good things must end, however, and just over halfway through the lesson someone sitting in front of Lovino, whom the Italian had never even spoken to before, leaned back in his seat back and begun to mutter things to him spitefully. "You're lucky Mr Jones got to the fire extinguisher in time…" He said, facing the front to lessen the chances of getting caught. "Why did you bother coming back? It's not like anyone wants you to be here. Everyone was happy when they thought you were dead, we all went out for drinks. Even your brother hates you for what you did. He probably wants you to die just as much as everyone else-"

"Hey, you!" Mr Beilschmidt yelled, noticing the boy talking as he tried to teach. "Shut up, get your crap together and move to the front row." He snapped, pointing to the empty row of seats before him. The boy sat still for a moment, as if should he not move the teacher would forget the instruction and just continue teaching. "Did you not hear me? Move!" He yelled. The class sat tensely, watching the scene play out in stifled amusement. Lovino would have found it hard not to laugh if the teacher wasn't so intimidating when he was angry. The boy let out a low mutter of profanity, still refusing to collect his things. This show of rudeness just angered the teacher more and he slammed his pen down on the desk before him. "Either move right now or GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!" He screamed, his face flushed red in anger and breath coming out in small pants. At that, the boy hastily grabbed his possessions from the table and carried them quickly to the front of the class where the empty row of seats sat, blushing profusely. "Good. Anyway, as I was saying..."

For the rest of the lesson, not a single sound was heard from any student except the frantic scratching of pen on paper.

Lovino was almost disappointed when the end-of-lesson bell went off. He had enjoyed the peace while it had lasted, and somehow he knew he would be blamed for what had happened, just because he could be. With this thought in mind, he went off to get a drink from the canteen as it was now the short break between 2nd and 3rd lesson before returning back to the same classroom for his geography lesson with Mr Edelstein.

* * *

He was right.

Almost as soon as he stepped out of the classroom, a fist was slammed into his face. It caught him on his left cheekbone, making his head snap to the side and causing him to stumble back a little. He went to look at his attacker when another hit got him on the space around the corner of his lower lip. This one had more force and Lovino let out a gasp of pain as his head slammed into the wall behind him. His heart raced wildly as adrenaline pumped through his veins, and suddenly he felt a rough cotton sleeve pressed forcefully against his throat, choking him. He tried to think of how to get the person off, but the panic was making his mind shut down.

"What do you think you are doing?!" The enraged voice of his Geography teacher echoed down the corridor and the arm was removed from his throat. Lovino gasped in mouthfuls of air as he heard heavy footsteps both coming towards him and going away from him.

"Are you okay?" He slowly opened his eyes, not realising before that he had even shut them, and saw the kind face of the school nurse before him.

"Sweetie, you need to calm down." She instructed, her concerned green eyes watching him intently. Lovino looked up at her, adrenaline numbed the pain but he was still incredibly on edge and shaking. He almost felt like he couldn't breathe again.

"Eliza, I'm taking them to the headmaster. Is he okay?" Lovino's eyes shot over to where Mr Edelstein stood at the end of the corridor, holding two boys by the back of their shirts and looking slightly out of breath from where he had chased them. One was the boy from earlier and the other Lovino recognised but didn't know.

The nurse glared at the boys and turned back to the Italian, looking into his eyes as she put a gently hand on his shoulder. "Honey, calm down. Breathe, come on." She motioned with the other hand, taking deep breaths. "He'll be okay, just get them out of my sight." She said bitterly, the older man shuddered at her tone-of-voice and nodded, leading the two responsible towards the headmaster's office.

Lovino, meanwhile, was still trying to breathe normally. But he now found he was breathing too much and it was making his head spin. Elizaveta noticed the boy's gasping breaths and started worrying. "Lovino, please try to calm down, you're beginning to hyperventilate." She bit her lip, trying to think. "Do you want me to take you to someone? Is there anyone you want to talk to?" She asked, thinking of the boy's brother.

"…An…to…ni…o." Lovino managed to say between pants. Eliza tried to remember, but she didn't know any students called Antonio.

"Do you mean Mr Carriedo?" She asked curiously, Lovino nodded and she agreed, wrapping an arm around him as they headed to his classroom, which was thankfully only down the corridor.

* * *

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* * *

Antonio sat in his desk chair, swivelling it round and round in boredom. His next class wasn't until the afternoon, and he couldn't be bothered to go to the staffroom. A sudden tap to the door made him stop spinning and he looked up to see the solemn face of someone he hadn't seen for a long time. "Elizaveta?" He asked curiously, waving her in with a confused smile. The smile fell off his face as she opened the door and he saw Lovino, the boy looked hysterical. He looked up at Eliza who led him to sit on one of the desks.

"He was attacked and now he's having a panic attack. He asked for you so I brought him here, hoping it would calm him down." She explained hurriedly, Antonio looked surprised as he ran to Lovino's side. He wrapped his own arms around the boy as Eliza kneeled before him. "Now honey, slow breaths. Okay? Slow, like this." She breathed deeply, using her hands to motion air flowing in and out. Lovino tried to mimic the woman, and after a while he started to get the hang of it. He inhaled shakily and when he exhaled it occasionally came out as short little bursts, but it was better than before.

Now that he had calmed down, Eliza stood up and tilted Lovino's face towards her, inspecting the red patches from where he had been hit. "Your face is going to be bruised for a little while, I'm afraid." She said softly. Lovino nodded and she reached into one of the pockets in the fold of her dress and pulled out a small torch. "I'm just going to check for concussion, okay?" She clarified, using the torch to check the reaction of Lovino's pupils.

Antonio looked at her, his arms still around Lovino. "Concussion? Is mi tomate okay?! What happened?" He asked worriedly, looking between the two.

"I'm fine." Lovino muttered from his place against Antonio's chest. "Some bastards just took me by surprise is all." He added. Antonio knew better than to believe that he was fine, it would be impossible to anyway due to the state of him.

"Fine is not someone who is found getting beaten up in the school corridors." Elizaveta scolded firmly. Antonio gaped, he knew some people had hurt Lovino in the past, but actually seeing the effect it had on the teen…he looked so _scared_. A flash of deep anger and protectiveness ran through Antonio, making him shiver, and he hugged Lovino slightly tighter to himself.

By now, Lovino's breathing had eased-up greatly. It was still a little shakily, but other than the light shudder of his chest he seemed practically like himself again.

"At least Roderich caught them. I hope they get expelled!" Eliza muttered angrily, switching off the torch and replacing it in her pocket. "No signs of concussion, thankfully. I'll get you an ice-pack for your face, to ease the pain. Your throat doesn't show any signs of damage, so other than the bruising you'll be fine." She said kindly, reaching up to pet Lovino's hair gently. Lovino smiled gratefully at her, offering a weak, "Grazie bella." Smile growing slightly at the light blush she gave as a response. When she was gone he looked up at Antonio embarrassedly, about to tell him to get off, however nice it was to have the Spaniards arms around him. His expression changed into one of defence and confusion at the look the Spaniard was giving him.

"What?" He snapped, Antonio just raised his eyebrows.

"Grazie bella?" He asked in amusement.

"Prego." He winked weakly; Antonio chuckled slightly at the joke. "My mother taught me how to treat a woman." The Italian added with a bitter smile. "Too bad I have no interest in them." He laughed slightly at that, and Antonio felt himself chuckling too before he realised what Lovino had said.

"Oh, so you're…" He trailed off, leaving the rest of the statement implied.

"Si." Lovino said simply.

Antonio nodded, "Me too." He said, he wasn't entirely sure why he said it though, maybe to assure Lovino he didn't have a problem with the younger male's sexuality.

Lovino coughed awkwardly, a small smile of amusement on his face. "I know…" He said, suppressed laughter mingled with embarrassment tinged his voice.

Antonio furrowed his brows, looking up at the younger in confusion. "How did you…?"

Lovino blushed, looking away properly this time. "You…uh…left a...um...video site open on the laptop." Antonio felt himself blushing hard and he covered the lower half of his face with a hand.

"Oh, that, uh… Gilbert…left…I don't…" He couldn't even think up a decent excuse for himself. "Oh God." He groaned in embarrassment, flopping back to lie on the desk, bringing Lovino with him.

"Get off me you perverted bastard!" Lovino yelled, punching Antonio in the stomach. Antonio involuntarily curled against Lovino, groaning in pain.

"Dios, Lovi, that hurt!" He pouted childishly.

Suddenly, a flash filled the room and giggling was heard from the doorway. The two sat up to see Eliza standing, her camera poised and she struck again.

Blinded by the flash, Lovino tried so squint enough to see her. "What the…?" She laughed again and Antonio made a mental note to get a copy of those photos later, they could be added to the collection he was going to start putting up around the dorm room.

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**Well, that's that!**

**I better hurry up with this or I'll be late D: I'm sorry for my terrible time-keeping making me rush! **

**Okay, as for the things last chapter.  
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**The Frx? pairing thing hasn't been decided yet and so votes are still kinda open. I have a general idea though and I'll reveal who won in the story itself rather than an AN.  
**

**~Ages~  
**

**Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to put ages in. Lovino is soon to be 18 and Antonio is about 24  
**

**Feli is 16 and Ludwig about the same age as Lovi :P  
**

**~Gratitude~  
**

**Thank you so so freaking much for the amazing reviews! I really need to make some time to reply! I just...I love doing it and it sucks that I'm so busy all the time D:  
**

**Oh, just so you know, when I looked at the total review count I screamed and ran downstairs. I just... I just can't believe it! You are all so awesome and amazing and I just...ugh. I wish I could hug you all!  
**

**~Other~  
**

**Reviewers get to German Sparkle Party with the German brothers, Austria and Switzerland! Don't forget your party pants and rubber boots!  
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**Also, BMS if you're reading this... YOU HAVE A ONE-SHOT TO CLAIM, DAMNIT! I've been waiting for you to read this and whatever but now Imma have to seek you out XD  
**

**This has been  
**

**~Oresama  
**

**And you have been  
**

**~Awesome.  
**


	14. Learn

**HEY GUYS I'M BACK**

**Gonna be late, sorry if editing is rushed gonna be late for school!  
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**Enjoy!  
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"Okay, fill that big pan with 8 glasses of water." Lovino directed, cutting up a piece of raw chicken into small chunks on the cutting board. Antonio nodded, carefully measuring out the water and tipping it into the large cooking pan on the counter. When he had finished he returned to Lovino's side, smiling gleefully. "We'll add this to it when it's fried. Pass me the olive oil." Lovino watched in mild amusement as Antonio eagerly answered his directions like a puppy. They had finally returned home from school and, as Lovino had promised, the Italian was teaching his roommate how to cook. The chicken had been cut up and now needed frying in olive oil. He grabbed a frying pan and placed it on one of the heated rings, turning up the heat.

Lovino turned to where Antonio stood holding the bottle of oil. "…pour some in then." He said in slight disbelief that Antonio was taking his instructions so literally. The Spaniard nodded and hesitantly held the bottle at a slight angle over the pan. Shaking his head, Lovino grabbed the older man's wrist and tilted it so that a healthy splash of olive oil hit the pan. "For fuck's sake, stop being so nervous. I'm not going to let you ruin anything." He chastised firmly.

"I'm sorry Lovi, I just want this to go right." Antonio said with a pout. "This all just seems so precise!"

Lovino almost face-palmed, but his hands were occupied with moving the oil around on the frying pan. "You're Spanish! And we're making Spanish food; the whole point is that it's done with careless passion. Precision will ruin it." Antonio nodded, impressed by Lovino's words and beginning to understand them as he saw the careless way Lovino threw a handful of chicken into the pan. "Put the rest of the chicken in, and for God's sake relax." Antonio grabbed the rest of the chicken and tried to imitate the way Lovino threw them into the pan, almost splashing them both with burning oil due to his excess vigour.

"Lo siento! I didn't mean to…" Antonio hung his head embarrassedly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I suck at this." He muttered.

Lovino held back the curse he wanted to throw at Antonio, knowing it would only make the situation worse. "You're still learning. Just…next time use a little less passion, si?" Antonio laughed at that, nodding appreciatively. "Buono, now, look at the colour of the chicken. When it's brown it's done. When it's pink it's not done. And when it's black you've over-done it, despite what Mr Kirkland claims." Antonio's laughed even harder at that, having been foolish enough to try the Englishman's cooking once when he brought it into the staff-room.

"You're so funny Lovi!" Antonio noticed the way Lovino blushed at the compliment, the pink dusting over his cheekbones and on one side blending in with the bruise that was starting to form. It was a reddish pink colour with slight touches of dark dotted around, matched by the one around his lower lip on the same side. The Spaniard felt his smile fall off his face, replaced with an angry scowl that he wasn't used to having. He began to believe it would be a good idea for him to accompany the younger man to all of his lessons, to stop it from ever happening again.

"Stop staring at me bastard, it's creepy." Lovino snapped, taking the frying-pan off the heated ring and placing it on the counter beside the large cooking pan.

"You know Lovi, some teachers would have a problem with being nicknamed 'bastard' by their students." Lovino shook his head, letting out a small chuckle as he put the fried chicken pieces into the large cooking pan.

"You call me Lovi, I call you bastard. It's fair-play." The Italian quipped, taking the pan over to place on one of the cooking-rings. Antonio had to agree, and inside he felt quite giddy at the idea that Lovino had just admitted to giving him a nickname.

"What do we do now?" Antonio asked, watching Lovino adjust the heat of the cooking rings.

"We get this to the boil, then let it simmer. Then cut and fry all that shit." Lovino said, indicating the table-top full of vegetables. "Add some more crap and put it all in that huge pan over there."

Antonio stared in slight shock. "You know, one day you're going to say a sentence to me without any swear-words in it." He joked, receiving a 'fuck you' in response.

Together they began cutting up the required vegetables, Lovino instructing Antonio on how to properly fry the vegetables in olive oil before adding them to the large pan. By the time everything was cut up as required, the chicken was done. So they added the chicken and a few glasses of chicken stock to the large pan, as well as the rice, garlic, artichokes and red peppers. Then Lovino mixed in the black pepper, parsley, thyme, rosemary and colorante which made him look, in Antonio's opinion, rather like a wizard. As a final touch, Lovino cut a lemon in half and squeezed the juice out from one half before sprinkling the dish with salt.

"Wow Lovi, this is looking fantastic!" Antonio said with a bright grin. It was slightly different to the one Lovino had made before, but was essentially the same dish. Lovino smirked as he showed Antonio what heat to set it to.

"Next time you can make it on your own." He said and Antonio panicked slightly.

"But…it looks so complicated! So many different ingredients…" Lovino shook his head, knowing that Antonio would be fine if he just learned to relax more while cooking.

"Actually, that's a point." Lovino muttered, checking a couple of cupboards. "We're going to have to go shopping tomorrow." He muttered.

Antonio's brow furrowed slightly in thought as he looked at all the ingredients they had just used for their food. He remembered the school gave all students a small amount of money each week for food, but the stuff they had used all looked quite expensive. "Lovi, how did you pay for all of this stuff?" He asked, wondering if Lovino had a job or something.

Lovino turned to look at Antonio quickly, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Why do you care?" He snapped.

Antonio held his hands up defensively. "I didn't mean anything, I swear! I was just curious, that's all." Lovino kept his gaze for a moment, then seemed to accept him as he relaxed and leaned against the counter. It would be twenty minutes before the food was done. "You still don't trust me, do you?" The brunette sighed, feeling slightly depressed at the idea.

"…We barely know each other." Lovino replied quietly, not liking the sad tone to Antonio's voice.

"That's not true, you know lots about me. And I like to think I know you pretty well now too." Lovino coughed awkwardly, looking away from the older man. "Okay then," Antonio continued as Lovino showed no signs of intending to reply. "Why don't you ask me something?" He suggested.

"What?" Lovino asked, confused.

"We can make it like a game. You ask me something and then I'll ask you something." He suggested. Seeing nothing else to do, and realising refusing to do so would do nothing but cause problems, Lovino accepted.

"So, where are you from…originally?" Lovino asked. It was a rather standard question for these kinds of games, and he hoped the man would ramble on until it was time to eat.

"Well, I was born in Galicia, obviously that's in Spain." Antonio laughed, scratching his head slightly. "I lived there until I was eleven, then I came here to go to school." Lovino nodded, remembering that he had read somewhere that Galicia was a relatively poor farming area. That seemed about right as Antonio's parents had been farmers. "What about you?" He asked, surprising Lovino who had expected the man to keep talking.

"Me? I was born in Palermo, Sicily. Which technically makes me Sicilian, not Italian, but I only lived there for a year until Mama had Feliciano. Then we moved to various places around Rome, where my father worked. We visited Sicily as a family a couple of times, then I went and visited it alone when I was old enough to. I always liked it better there than in Italy, it suited me better. Then my grandfather met someone who was on holiday in Italy but lived here, he could never keep a woman for long after my grandmother left him alone with my mother, but he hadn't dated a man before that, and he liked him a lot but the bastard lived here in America. My mother didn't want to leave her father and my father liked the job prospects here and so we all…" He suddenly stopped and looked up to where Antonio was watching him with wide, interested eyes. Coughing slightly, he turned away to lower the heat of the pan and stir it slightly. He had expected Antonio to keep talking, but he had rambled instead. "Sorry." He muttered, still not facing the Spaniard.

"It's fine Lovi, it was really interesting. Besides, I like listening to you talk." Lovino grumbled about how he was an 'idiot Spaniard' quietly, looking down at his shoes. "Your turn!" Lovino sighed and tried to think of a question, still feeling embarrassed.

"I don't know… what's your favourite food?" He asked the first question that came to mind.

Antonio grinned, pointing at the dish on top of the oven, simmering slowly. "That is, Paella. Or Churros, churros are good." He said happily, Lovino smirked in response. _Fucking typical. _"What's yours Lovi? We'll have to have it soon."

Lovino considered the food he ate, he hadn't ever really thought about which he liked best before. He had always eaten either what Feliciano cooked or what his mama cooked for Feliciano. He knew Feliciano's favourite food… _Strawberry flavoured Gelato. Because he is a tricky bastard like that. _But his own favourite food? "I guess…homemade pizza. With lots of tomato sauce. And sliced tomatoes on top." He said, remembering the time he had made it for lunch, though he had also filled the crust with tomato sauce, but he didn't say that, feeling it was too much.

"Wow that sounds great! We should make it after we go shopping tomorrow." Antonio said brightly. "Hey, we could even make like a tomato paste to put in the crust and between the dough." Antonio suggested and Lovino felt a sudden (though very suppressible) urge to hug the man. Instead he stared at him with wide-eyes and a small smile.

Still smiling, Lovino covered the pan with paper and took it off the heat, leaving it to cool before he could serve it. "So, why did you become a teacher?" He asked, genuinely curious about the answer this time.

Antonio laughed and scratched the back of his head again, Lovino had noticed this was like a habit of the man's when he wasn't sure what the response to what he was about to say would be. "Well, if I'm honest, it was your grandfather. I was deciding what to do at university, and I knew I wanted to help people, and I suddenly remembered that I wouldn't be going there at all if I hadn't been offered a place at your school. Then I started remembering everything he did for me at school, he even paid the plane fair for me to go and visit my mother in the holidays. He was a great man, and I realised that that would be how I could help people." Antonio said with a fond smile. The smile slid from his face as he looked over to where Lovino stood facing a wall, tears in his eyes. Without hesitating he pulled the younger man into his arms, wrapping them around him tightly. Lovino didn't return the hug but he didn't try to get out of it either. He felt comforted by the warmth of the older man around him.

"It's his inheritance." He muttered into the Spaniard's chest.

"Pardon?" Antonio asked, confused.

"…The money, it's his. Feli and I both inherited half of his money each after he..." He spoke sadly and Antonio nodded, resting his chin on top of Lovino's head.

"So, what do you want to do when you're all grown up and done with school." Antonio joked, trying to distract the Italian.

Lovino let out a short laugh, "don't patronise me bastard, where I'm from I'm practically considered an adult." He said and Antonio realised he was right. Back home he would basically be considered a man already. "I don't know…" Lovino sighed, he couldn't decide what it was he wanted to do with his life. "Maybe something in fashion? I'm good with fabrics. Or perhaps own a café somewhere where it's warm. I don't want to live in this country my whole life, perhaps I could go back to Sicily." Antonio nodded, agreeing with Lovino. He too felt the longing to return home to where it was warm. To see his mother again and the heat of the sun as it kissed his skin. "Well, this is the gayest I have ever felt." Lovino said suddenly, pulling away from Antonio with a small smile.

Antonio laughed, "Me too, and I've had someone else's dick in my ass before." The Spaniard suddenly realised what had just come out of his mouth and he stared in shock. Lovino mirrored his expression for a couple of seconds before erupting in laughter so strong he doubled over.

"You need to stop hanging around with those perverts you call friends!" He gasped, still laughing loudly.

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**You guys are awesome!**** Finally getting around to reply to reviews! Thank you for reading! Hope you liked it, if not, tell me and I'll rewrite it later because I'm not sure about it...  
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**Love you all! Going to miss my bus if I don't hurry D:  
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**~Ore-sama  
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	15. Distracted

**I apologise for the wait D: I promise to try harder! I'm finally starting to get into the flow of school so I hope to speed things up a bit! Also I apologise for the shortness of this chapter, but I do have about half of the next one written up already so that (I hope) will be up soon**

**Warning: Lovino swears a lot.  
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"Have a nice day Lovi!" Antonio called out to the Italian as he headed to his first lesson of the day. _Nice day? Yeah right. It's fucking Wednesday! _Lovino, as a standard, hated Wednesdays, and for (what was, to him) a very good reason. Three hours with the Potato brothers, followed by two hours with the Tomato bastard. And so, Lovino hated Wednesdays.

"Too many bastards in one day." He muttered to himself as he walked to his history lesson.

* * *

The first thing Lovino noticed when he entered his history class was the absence of the two responsible for the deep bruising prominently displayed around his eye and lower lip. He almost wanted to laugh because they had gotten punished for what they did, but at the same time felt a sense of guilt that their education was being affected just because they decided to punish him for his own crimes. And so, with a smile that was somewhat bittersweet, Lovino sat at his usual seat and waited for the class to begin. As usual, when Mr Beilschmidt began to talk, Lovino had to begin frantically writing whatever he said down. He had to admit that it made a nice change to have a teacher that was genuinely enthusiastic about their subject, German or otherwise. However, as the lesson drew to a close, Lovino began to feel nervous about his next lesson: double Physical Education with the younger potato bastard.

* * *

It was lunch time and after having spent two hours keeping score of the baseball game the rest of his class had been playing, Lovino headed to Antonio's classroom feeling incredibly frustrated. "Hey! Bastard, let's go." He yelled as he swung open the classroom door, not noticing the half-a-class of first year students sitting silently at their desks. "Oh, shit… I'll wait outside." He muttered, letting the door swing closed in-front of him, memories of Antonio's wincing expression now embedded in his mind. Antonio let his students go from their detention and when they had all filed out of the room, Lovino headed inside. "I guess I'm sorry about that." He muttered upon entrance.

Antonio just shook his head, chuckling slightly. "You're unbelievable sometimes." He said, smile in place. Lovino snorted and Antonio picked up his coat. They had agreed that, as the two of them had the last two hours as form-time for the both of them, they would just leave early. Besides, they needed to go shopping for groceries and they could do the talking session when cooking.

The two of them walked to Antonio's car together, each commenting on their day and generally sharing light conversation.

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Lovino clicked the seatbelt into its holster in Antonio's car and began to breathe deeply. Antonio got into the driver's seat and as he started the engine Lovino let his eyelids slowly close. It was how he spent every car journey, and he could practically _feel _Antonio's curious gaze on his face. The Spaniard said nothing, however, and the pair drove on in silence.

.

Soon enough, they had arrived at the supermarket. And after a brief debate where Antonio tried to convince his younger Italian counterpart to sit in the trolley (which said angry young man adamantly refused to do) they finally began to start shopping. "So, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow Lovi?" Antonio asked with his usual grin.

"I don't know, just pick something out while I go get spices." Lovino replied, heading off to a different isle to gather the various flavourings they had run low on. While he was away, Antonio looked over the various boxes of cereal, trying to choose something Lovino might like.

In the end he chose something cinnamon flavoured, something he remembered Lovino saying he liked, and had placed it in his trolley when someone bumped into the back of him.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I- oh…" The voice said and Antonio looked up to see a tall man looking at him rather oddly. His accent sounded similar to Ludwig's, so Antonio assumed he was German.

"Don't worry about it." Antonio smiled politely at the stranger, causing the other man to smile back as he slowly ran his eyes over Antonio's body.

"I should have watched where I was going, I apologise. My name's Lutz…" He offered his hand and Antonio grinned again.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Antonio." He shook the friendly stranger's firm hand, though the other man continued shaking it for a little longer than what felt normal, and Antonio could have sworn he was edging closer. He said Antonio's name softly a couple of times, testing it out on his tongue.

The man looked over Antonio again, literally from head to foot but mostly focusing on the middle, and the Spaniard shifted uncomfortably under his intense gaze. "So, do you live nearby here? I can't say I've seen you around. If you're new I could show you around sometime-"

"Oi, Bastard! What do you think you're doing?" Antonio looked behind him to where an infuriated-looking Lovino stood in the aisle. The Italian glared and marched towards him holding an armful of spice bottles, which he dumped into the trolley once he was close enough. "What do you want, you damned potato? Go back to the field you were picked from." He snapped at the German man harshly from where he stood beside Antonio.

"Is this kid a friend of yours?" The German asked, glaring at Lovino.

"Who the fuck are you calling a kid you stupid bastard? Prepare to feel pain!" Lovino yelled in retaliation, drawing his fist back and was preparing to hit the older man when Antonio harshly grabbed his arm.

"Lovino!" The Spaniard shouted, causing the Italian to freeze. The anger in the older man's voice was so unusual that it was terrifying, and he was gripping his arm rather tightly. "I'm sorry Lutz, this is my roommate. Lovino, you apologise to him!" He snapped, still sounding furious. Lutz looked down at Lovino, glare morphing into one of expectance.

Lovino gulped but brought his gaze up to glare back at the German. "No." He growled, Antonio shook him slightly by the arm.

"Lovino, you're being extremely rude! Apologise!" He sounded even angrier now, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he pointed to the German stranger, but Lovino just continued to glare.

"Fuck you." He snarled at the German, Antonio let out an angry sigh and was about to repeat his instruction but the German just shook his head and left, muttering under his breath about how something 'wasn't worth it'.

It suddenly became extremely tense between the two and without a word, Antonio released Lovino's arm and stormed off with the trolley to the checkout area.

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Neither of them spoke until they got into the car and had begun the drive back to their dorm. Lovino had his eyes shut as usual and was attempting to calm his breathing when Antonio's voice broke the relative silence. "You were completely rude to that man Lovino." He snapped, nowhere near as angry as he had been in the supermarket, but still sounding rather irritated.

"So what?" Lovino replied apathetically in a quiet voice, still not opening his eyes.

"So what? So, Lovino, he was being really nice and you just completely insulted him!" The Spaniard continued and Lovino let out a humourless laugh.

"Yep, I could see for myself just how _nice _he was, Antonio. Almost as _nice _as he thought you were, too." The Italian added, still speaking softly but with a bitter tone, and Antonio frowned.

"I don't understand! Why did you insult him if you knew he was only being nice?" Antonio asked, his voice laced with confusion now.

Lovino groaned and winced, suppressing the urge to head-butt the man beside him; instead he finally opened his eyes to give the man beside him an incredulous look. "Antonio, I was being sarcastic. He was a fucking bastard who was only interested in one thing." Lovino muttered, remembering the feelings of protectiveness, as well as something else, welling up inside as he watched the giant stature of a man study his oblivious room-mate like he was edible.

"What do you mean? He was only apologising! Besides, that still doesn't give you the right to randomly start verbally attacking people! It is wrong and hurtful, and frankly Lovino I'm getting a little-" Suddenly something shot out in front of their car, but Antonio was too busy yelling at Lovino to see it.

"ANTONIO!"

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**Uhh... I'm sorry?**

**Ehehe *scratches nape of neck* you guys still love me right?  
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**Like I said, next chap is nearly done!  
**

**Oh! Is anyone going to the MCM Expo in London on the 27/28th? I'll be there if anyone is going and interested in meeting up xD Or just going and want to fangirl-scream in excitedness about it XD I shall be cosplaying! Gakuen Prussia style! (If the cosplay stuff shows up, of course XD)  
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**I'm going with a friend who's cosplaying Italy. God help her. xD (And any Germany cosplayer we find) We keep making jokes because we're sharing a hotel bed (NOT LIKE THAT! There was only one room left!)  
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**Anyway...  
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**Reviewers get a 'kiss on the forehead goodnight' and a bedtime story from England and all his magical friends! **

**Stay perfect!  
**

**~Ore-sama  
**

**P.S. The German is a random char from something I remember reading about Romano getting jealous of Spain when a German soldier is talking to him, Romano then thinks he's the enemy and attacks him or something. I apologise, I haven't read all of the webcomics yet! So yeah, kindof an OC but not an OC xD Either way, he will never be seen again.  
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	16. Brake

**Well, here it is as promised!  
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**However, before I go and just hand over this chapter to you all, I must clear something up first ;)  
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**Okay, it's not that serious :P But, it concerns the Francex? thing. It has been decided! You will find out later in the chapter, but there isn't any relationship stuff going on at this point. I'm just saying this because you might not want to read it, and if you decide you want to just skip it and not read it then you can do so without it affecting the plot in any way at all.  
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**If I ever own Hetalia, I'll let you guys know.  
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**.**

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A car suddenly pulled out in front of them and they were heading straight for it, Antonio was too busy shouting at Lovino to see it.

"ANTONIO!"

Antonio's head snapped back to face forward and he swore loudly as he slammed on the brakes. The terrifying screech of tortured rubber filled the air and Lovino felt the all too familiar sensation of being flung forward as if he weighed nothing. Fortunately the car that had pulled out before them reversed just enough so that Antonio was able to swerve around it as the vehicle came to a stop. Car horns quickly filled the air around them, so Antonio started the car again and slowly drove away from the scene.

They continued down the road for a little while, and an all-encompassing sense of relief filled the Spaniard as he realised how lucky they were to have survived, and he felt himself laugh slightly in shock. "Oh Dios. That was…" He sighed, shaking his head. "Are you okay?" He said, finally turning to Lovino, face paling at the sight. He had never seen anyone look so scared before in his life. "Lovi?" His eyes were wide and his breathing was laboured, his skin covered in a light sheen of sweat.

"Stop…the…car."

Antonio nodded silently and slowly pulled-over at the side of the road. As soon as the car had stopped, Lovino threw off his seat-belt and shoved open the car door before diving out and falling on all floors on the pavement, retching loudly.

Antonio sat in shock, until the sounds of Lovino being sick on the pavement caused him to hurry out of the car and over to where he knelt. He bent down beside the Italian and rubbed his back in an effort to comfort him. "Lovino, I…" He trailed off, unable to think of what to say as the Italian begun to cry.

"You bastard. You…BASTARD!" He screamed, sobbing loudly. Antonio stared at the broken young man, feeling guilt well up inside him and soon he was crying too. He grabbed Lovino and pulled him into his own lap, crying softly into his hair. "I hate you! Fottuto idiota bastardo Spagnolo!" The Italian cried out, weakly hitting Antonio's chest before burying his face in his clothes.

Antonio whispered apologies and pleads for forgiveness in a mix of both English and Spanish into Lovino's soft auburn hair, dampening it with his own tears as the young man shook with fear and sadness in his arms. He felt a weak grasp cling to the front of his clothes and the front of his shirt began to grow damp. His heart ached with such a deep guilt as he realised what he had done, and what could have happened if Lovino hadn't called out to him.

"A-Antonio." A quiet whisper came from the shaking form the Spaniard had clutched to his chest. "Take me h-home." Antonio nodded and stood wordlessly, lifting Lovino along with him and carrying him bridal-style and the smaller man immediately curled into his chest. He kicked Lovino's car door shut and shifted his weight to carry him easier. He side-stepped where Lovino had been sick on the pavement with a grimace and begun to carry the silently crying Italian home.

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Somehow Antonio managed to carry Lovino all the way home, thankful that they had stopped reasonably close to their dorms, and soon he was carrying the younger man up the epic series of stairs leading to their room. When they arrived at their door, he had to shift Lovino's weight over to one arm so he could unlock it. He decided the Italian weighed too little, as it should have been harder to carry what was essentially a man not too far from his own age all the way home and up about four flights of stairs.

Lovino hadn't stirred for a while, so Antonio assumed he was asleep. However, he found out this was wrong when he tried to put the Italian into bed and Lovino clutched tighter at his shirt. With a guilty sigh, Antonio instead took the duvet from Lovino's bed and walked, carrying them both over to the sofa. He lay down on the sofa and rested Lovino on top of him. Antonio was glad to see he had stopped crying, however he still trembled slightly. Biting his lip, the Spaniard threw the duvet over them both and snuggled into the cushions, finding the remote on the floor and turning the television on as background noise.

He began to stroke Lovino's hair absentmindedly, and after a while he felt the younger man's tremors stop, and the sounds of soft breathing came from the warm weight on his chest.

Antonio smiled sadly as he watched the younger man sleeping peacefully on him; he looked so cute when asleep that Antonio was half inclined to believe he had someone else lying on him. However, the smell of tomatoes was so strong that he could almost taste it, which reminded him that it was definitely his Lovino that was hugging him in his sleep. "I'm so sorry Lovino. I hope you can forgive me." He leaned forward and softly kissed Lovino's hair, the feeling like warm silk below his lips. He leaned back into the sofa again and resumed stroking the young man's hair with one hand.

Suddenly Antonio remembered that the shopping still sat in the back of his unlocked car, and with difficulty he carefully slid his mobile out of his pocket. He decided he would text Francis, as Gilbert was much too loud and Lovino needed calm and peace right now, not to be woken by a shouting German. He quickly typed out the location of his car and a plead for Francis to help him. When it was done, he put the phone beside him and turned the channel on the television, finding a romantic-comedy he hadn't seen before with that British guy that reminded him of one of his co-workers.

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Meanwhile...

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Francis wandered down the street, searching for Antonio's car. He had finally looked at his text and found the message, however it was now rather late. Still, Antonio's mysterious text asked for his help and he was a good friend. A cool breeze made him tighten his fashionable scarf around his neck, the thin material offering little relief. "Mon Dieu, being fabulous is hard work." He muttered, sighing in relief when he finally spotted his friend's car.

The Frenchman sighed in disapproval when he found the door to his friend's car unlocked and the keys still in the ignition. "Foolish man. He's lucky nothing was stolen." He shook his head and started the car, turning the radio to something more to his taste.

On the way to the student dorms, Francis spotted someone coming up in the distance. Messy blonde hair visible as the man struggled down the road. He decided to have some fun, but as he went to lower the windows, he saw that they weren't the usual electronically powered ones, but the ones where you were provided with a handle and expected to wind them down yourself. "Antonio your car is a piece of useless junk." He said moodily, trying to keep a smug expression as he struggled to wind his window down. "Bonjour mon petite rosbif!" He called out, slowing the car so that it was crawling along at the same speed as the man. He was carrying a rather large and heavy looking box and didn't look to be in the best of moods.

"Oh, not you." He said angrily, sounding a little breathless. "Just piss off will you; I really can't be bothered right now." He sounded a lot more hostile than usual, causing Francis to stop the car.

"Where are you going?" He asked suddenly, smug smile now a little concerned.

The Englishman glared at him suspiciously, stopping beside the car out of instinct. "What's it to you?" He asked.

Francis sighed theatrically, there was a reason he was the school's drama teacher, "Why so suspicious, mon ami? I was just going to offer a little lift! If you were going close by I would be happy to take you, maybe we could stop for drinks on the way? Actually non, you are a terrible drunk. So we could just skip the drinks and go straight to my place and-"

"Shut the hell up Francis!" With that, Arthur began to storm off, his face flushed in anger. Francis stared after him, face etched in surprise. Over the years, he had heard every name under the sun fall from those very lips, except his own. He quickly drove forward and caught up with Arthur.

"Rosbif! Arthur wait!" The effect on Arthur was the same as it had been on Francis, and the Englishman turned around in surprise. "I'll give you a lift, I promise I won't try anything, just get in." Arthur considered protesting, but in the end gave up and got in the seat beside his worst enemy.

"This music is terrible." He groaned, glaring at Francis.

"It's French." The older man shrugged in response.

"Ah, that explains it." He replied, and Francis supressed a smirk and turned the music up slightly to annoy his companion.

Arthur growled, but said nothing and so they continued on in silence for a while, until Francis decided to talk.

"This would be a lot easier if I knew where you were going." He joked and Arthur realised he hadn't said a destination.

"The school. Or a pub, I don't really care which." He said with a sigh. Francis shook his head with a derisive smile.

"You know, I was joking about you coming back with me." Arthur slapped his arm, not wanting to distract him too much while the man was driving.

"Don't. Just don't go there, not right now." He muttered and Francis tutted.

"Okay, enough with your teenage angst. What is going on? God, the last time I saw you like this, you dressed like a slutty clown." Arthur unexpectedly laughed at that, he remembered those days very well. His experimental punk years had been somewhat legendary.

"Belt up, arsehole." Arthur replied, not entirely offended. "And don't start acting like you care, either! You just want to take the piss."

Francis grinned, "Only a little. But I am curious, especially as to what's in that box of yours." He laughed his famously French laugh and Arthur resisted the urge to hit him.

"I dread to imagine what you think is in there. Before you mentally scar me, it's just some clothes and books…and a toothbrush." Francis shot him a curious look, laced with a hint of concern which caused Arthur to groan. "Fine. I was dumped, okay? Now you can laugh. Ha-ha-fucking-ha, he thought it was funny too."

"Arthur, what happened?" Francis asked, sounding genuine for the first time since the two had met.

Arthur looked out of the window, glaring slightly at the scene behind it. "I don't really know. He just…showed up, earlier, and announced that he realised that actually he was straight." Francis nearly stopped the car, his head whipping round to stare at his nemesis. "I know, that's what I thought." Arthur added, seeing the look on the other's face. "How the hell…I don't know. Either way, he's apparently straight now, and I'm effectively homeless. I'll have to ask the school to let me stay in one of the dorms again, and stay in a hotel for the next couple of days until it's sorted."

Francis nodded, still trying to process what he had just heard. "…Or..." He said carefully, "I have a spare room if you would prefer not to be surrounded by screaming teenagers?" He offered sympathetically, he remembered his days in the school dorms, they were not pleasant. He really had no idea how Antonio could stand it.

Arthur gave Francis a sceptical look, "Are you kidding? We'd kill each other within the week!" Francis laughed at that, the idea of being able to torment his British nemesis at any time of the day was very appealing.

"Oh come on, if it is that bad you can just go somewhere else! What do you say?"

After a little more provocation (and a trip to show him the quality of the nearest motel), Arthur actually conceded, deciding to at least try it out for a while. They dropped off Antonio's car in the car park outside the dorms and together walked back to Francis' apartment further into the town, bickering continuously.

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**Tadaa! **

**Hehe what do you think?  
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**The cosplay stuff came! Though the wig freaking screwed up cause the one I ordered was out of stock and the closest they had was a dark grey one DX  
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**Do you think that'll work? D: -slightpanic-  
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**I hope it'll look okay all together, I'll try it out on Sunday. If not I'll get a blonde wig and BAM Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara! XD**

**Did I ever mention just how perfect and precious you all are? Like, seriously! You guys are just so amazing for reading this and just...INEXPLICABLE.  
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**I just love you guys m'kay? ^-^  
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**I finally managed to get around to mass replying xD I will continue! Then I'll start replying to PM's because I love you guys so much :')  
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**Reviewers get to see Spain and Romano performing a rather heated Tango together! ;)  
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**~Ore-sama  
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	17. Questions

**Hello you awesome readers! I know I haven't replied to you all yet (OTL) and I apologise. However, this apology comes with another chapter! Oh, to avoid confusion (because I just couldn't seem to describe it right) the holiday Antonio talks of is the one I'm on now XD It's two weeks off over Halloween, I have no idea if they have it anywhere else or if it's just in the UK [even then a lot of schools only have one week off]**

**Enjoy!  
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Antonio opened the door to his boss' office, wondering why he had been summoned at the end of his last lesson, at the start of the last week of school no less. The Spaniard had been happily thinking about the two blissfully work-free weeks ahead of him before the next term began, when a younger student came running in to inform him that Mr Wang wanted to speak with him.

Said Chinese man was sitting in his usual seat at his desk, munching on some long thin biscuit-sticks that had been dipped in chocolate called 'Lucky sticks'. His boss smiled at him as he entered and indicated to the seat before him. "Ah, Antonio, I see you got my message." He smiled, easing Antonio's nerves. "Don't worry you aren't in trouble. Would you like a lucky stick?" He offered Antonio the box and the Spaniard smiled warmly at his boss in relief this wasn't a serious meeting, and took one of the sweets.

"I just wanted to ask you how things were with Lovino?" He asked, Antonio swallowed the food content in his mouth, nodding as he did so.

"Si, of course, well things seem to be going okay…" He said vaguely, remembering the incident not too long ago with the car. "It's kind-of hard to tell with him. He's so…you know?" The Asian man across from him nodded in understanding. He had had this problem with Lovino himself, the boy always tried to hide how he was feeling with anger, and making others angry. It worked well, but meant that helping the boy was almost impossible. "To be honest sir, I'm not entirely sure if what I'm doing is right or even helping. I don't really know what to do with him." Antonio sighed, he had been having this problem for a while, what to do with a boy who doesn't want to be helped?

"Didn't you take a course in psychology while you completed your teacher training? Wasn't there anything you could use from that?" Yao asked and Antonio thought back to when he was still in university.

"Si, I guess… but do you think that kind of thing would work?" Yao just shrugged and ate one of his lucky sticks, while Antonio contemplated the idea. _Well, I guess it's worth a shot…_

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"So Lovi, this is called the Eysenck personality quiz." Lovino glared at Antonio from where he sat across from the Spaniard at their dining table.

"No." Antonio pouted.

"Please Lovi? It's just a little quiz, I'm sure you might find it fun even." Lovino didn't respond verbally, instead his scowl increased and a low growling was heard from him.

"Please?" Antonio whined, "If you do, I'll let off about the homework you owe me!" Lovino's scowl lessened slightly and Antonio realised he was winning him over. The Italian had about two weeks' worth of Spanish homework to give his teacher, and as they lived together Antonio could nag him at any time of day…which he pretty much did. "I'll stop pestering you, and if you answer completely honestly, I'll go out tomorrow morning and buy you a big basket of tomatoes!" Lovino's eyes widened and Antonio realised he had him.

"…Fine, bastard. Make it quick." The Spaniard grinned, pulling his laptop towards him to start the test.

"Great! First question, do you have many different hobbies?"

Lovino's brows furrowed. "Um, I guess?" Antonio stared at him flatly. "What?"

"They're yes or no questions, Lovi." The Italian supressed the urge to snap at the older man and instead thought about what he liked to do with his spare time. He used to have loads of hobbies, sports, art, even drama…now though; he mostly spent his time reading.

"No." Antonio knew he had to show no reaction to any answer the younger man gave, otherwise he would bias the answers. Instead, he nodded and entered Lovino's answer.

"Do you stop to think things over before doing anything?" He asked. Lovino hesitated for a while, then answered no.

"Next question…Does your mood often go up and down?" The younger man looked uncomfortable at that one, and nodded rather than actually say his answer. The Spaniard reminded himself to not respond as he entered the data.

"Do you ever feel 'just miserable' for no reason?" Antonio asked next, and again Lovino nodded rather than actually saying his answer. The Spaniard found it increasingly difficult to respond to Lovino's answers emotionally, he just wanted to get up and hug the younger man.

"Do you often worry about things you should not have done or said?" Lovino glared at him then, and Antonio noticed the shine in his eyes.

Fortunately the questionnaire continued without much problem, a few more questions made Lovino shift uncomfortably but soon it was over and the Italian declared that he was going to take a shower. Antonio nodded and decided to go into the kitchen area to make dinner as the computer began analysing the results.

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He elected to go with a simple chicken salad as he wasn't particularly hungry and he knew Lovino liked it. Out of habit, he went to check if Colin had yet produced any tomatoes. Still none. He was rather worried about his small plant, it had grown quite a lot since he had first bought it, however it had yet to produce any fruit. He decided to think positively and vowed that once Colin did produce a tomato, it would be the greatest and most delicious tomato in the world. So perfect they would write a song about it!

Speaking of tomatoes, Antonio got a few of them out of the dish and began to slice them, when suddenly he felt the urge to listen to some music as he did so. He switched on his stereo which had one of his favourite CD's inside and turned the music up. He continued chopping up the tomatoes and began to sing along to one of the tracks, swaying his hips side-to-side as he did so.

As the music was so loud, he didn't hear Lovino get out of the shower until the man was right behind him. "What the hell are you doing?" Antonio gasped loudly at the voice coming from behind him, nearly catching himself with the knife in his hand.

"Dios Lovi, you nearly gave me a heart-attack!" He chuckled, putting the knife down. He was about done anyway. "I'm making salad for dinner." He grinned, proud of how far his abilities with food had come, and Lovino raised an eyebrow.

"I can see that. I could also see you making a fool of yourself…well more-so than usual." Antonio faked a hurt expression, grabbing Lovino's hands and dancing playfully to the music.

"Let go of me you stupid bastard!" He snapped, though his eyes failed to hide the amusement he really felt.

"Just because you cannot dance as well as I can. You don't have to be embarrassed about it!" Antonio teased, spinning Lovino under his arm.

Lovino gasped playfully, "Oh, you so did not just say that!" At that point, the song ended and the next one began. It had an upbeat rhythm but a minor key, performed by a mix of castanets, guitars and various brass instruments. As well as occasional vocals sung in Spanish and some violins.

"Well Lovino, prove me wrong." Antonio winked, extending his hand to the younger man. Lovino extended his own hand as if he was about to grasp the Spaniard's, but at the last second snatched it away and turned, swaying his hips as he strode to the beat of the music until he was in the centre of the room. Antonio stared after him, impressed, the challenge was on.

He followed after the younger man and stood behind him, counting the beats in his head until simultaneously they grabbed each other's hands and Lovino was spun to face the older man. The dance was strange, like a mix of merengue, cha-cha and salsa as they spun and stepped, a merging of playful hip swaying and occasional grinding mixed with a fast beat and complicated foot patterns. Their eye-contact only broke when they weren't facing one another as their feet moved and hips swung with the steadily increasing music. Antonio believed a lot could be told about a person's personality in their dancing, and Lovino, Antonio thought, was like a bull. His movements were powerful and passionate; and Antonio often had to exert some control over his movements as they would have collided otherwise. This left Antonio as the matador. He held the same passion, but made up for power with skill. His steps were precise and practiced where Lovino's were less coordinated but had more of a dramatic impact. The music continued to speed up, and Antonio felt his heart beat heavily as the dance became less playful and more serious. The two had gotten closer, mere inches apart, the moves became bolder and Lovino was dipped low, wrapping a leg around the back of Antonio as he was bent backwards. Antonio stared in amazement at the younger man's flexibility, the Italian's shirt falling to reveal a portion of tanned, smooth stomach. He brought Lovino back up and they continued, red-faced and panting as the dance got faster and faster until there was practically no space between them. At the finale, they grabbed each other and moved in close, pressing against one another as the music came to a sudden stop. In the silence their deep breaths echoed around the room, but they were so close they could feel the rise-and-fall of each other's chests. Antonio's eyes traced the soft features of Lovino's face and he felt some magnetic force drawing him slowly closer. Lovino felt it too, and tilted his face upwards, pressing his palms against the other man's firm chest. They were so close that their noses grazed one another, when a knock at the door made them freeze.

Lovino pulled back slightly and turned his face away, his blush made him feel like he was burning. "C-Coming!" He called weakly, heading to the front door. Antonio stared after him, his mind racing at the realisation at what he had almost done. _Did I just…? Puto! Damn it Antonio, what is wrong with you?! _He tried to repress the feelings of bitter self-loathing as he watched Lovino look through the spy-hole and pull away with a confused expression. He wanted to ask who it was, but felt darkness engulf his mood, and so the Spanish man turned and began walking to his room, ignoring the sounds of the door opening behind him.

Meanwhile Romano stood at his front door, his heart still racing. He felt so confused about his own emotions and just wanted to go and lie down. A thousand questions raced through his mind, _'What just happened back there?_', '_Does he like me?_', _'Do I like him?_', _'And who is this blonde lady standing at my doorway?'._

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**I honestly have no idea how good or bad this chapter is because it is nearly 2am and I am tired D: I haven't even read it through properly D: all the words are kinda fuzzy XP**

**So, please tell me?  
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**Oh! And I have had a genius (GENIUS I TELL YOU) idea xD  
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**You know how I'm always like "Reviewers get..." I might start a thing where reviewers actually get sent like a short thing of like 200 words of whatever I said the situation is as a reply XD If you guys thing its a good idea, then I'll do like a trial run starting next chapter XD But you'd have to actually comment on the story in the review XD Not just send a smiley face or something, as that would be mean! XD So like, you tell me what you think of the chapter or story and I'll send you the thing I promised as like a tiny one shot thing and then my reply or something...  
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**I'll see what you guys think xD It was just an idea to reward my beloved readers and reviewers! -Oh! And I wouldn't be able to do it for anon reviews :(  
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**Anyway, thank you so much!  
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**~Ore-sama  
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	18. Contact

**I'm aliiive~**

**I am so so so so so sso so sos so so so so so sooo sorry OTL  
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**I cannot believe how long this took! (Granted some things happened that you will NOT believe but_ still_)  
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**If you're still reading this, Thank You! I'm sorry~ [and I like never apologise!]  
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Lovino felt large, hot hands on his hips, brushing against his skin when his shirt rode up until they were practically beneath it. The sounds of fabric rubbing against fabric providing a soft accompaniment to the sounds of the music surrounding them as they rocked and swayed together. The older man was good, his talent for dancing was obvious but it was also clear to the younger man that it had not always been that way, he had had lessons and Lovino found himself wondering who had taught the other to dance so closely. The older man was pressing against him, his large, hot hands still firmly gripping his hips as they moved as one. Lovino was different from Antonio in that he had only ever had basic training. His dancing was more natural which is why he was less controlled, but this did not minimize his ability. He was determined to keep up with Antonio, to show him what it really meant to be a hot-blooded southern Italian. He had always been proud of his heritage and this was his way of showing it, his warm hands gripping at the other, pulling him close to grind against him and then pushing him away. He could hear the song getting closer to the end and he sped-up to match the increasing tempo. The increase in the speed of his movements caused his shirt to rise slowly and he was almost glad for the extra skin-exposure as he felt incredibly hot. He was almost relieved when the song hit its final notes, and with a sudden spark of what may have been madness on his part, he raised a leg and wrapped it around Antonio's waist, feeling the Spaniard's hot grip tighten on his hips as Lovino bent back. If he weren't holding onto Antonio's arms he would have been able to press his hands to the ground, and his shirt fell up to reveal his lower stomach and part of his hips as the movement pulled his trousers down a fraction. He could feel Antonio's intense gaze on the newly exposed area before was pulled back up until chest-to-chest with Antonio.

His breath was coming out hard and his ribs ached from the dip, but he didn't care. Because suddenly Antonio's face was near his, the Spaniard's warm breath fanning over his face, and he was leaning into it.

He hissed in surprise and also frustration when the knock resounded through the room.

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Lovino opened the door of his dorm room, eyes glancing over the stranger in confusion. "Can I help you?" He asked, a nervous edge to his voice as his eyes flickered between the young woman and Antonio, who had paused near the door of his bedroom and half-turned his head to listen to the conversation at the door with a deep blush still present on his face. He looked back at the stranger and noted that she couldn't be much older than he was, perhaps around twenty, with short blonde hair held with a ribbon and strangely familiar green eyes. However, they held hints of blue in them which detracted from that familiarity.

"Oh… bonjour, I was told I could find someone here?" She replied softly, and the Italian realised she had tear-tracts down her face. Lovino's eyes immediately shifted to Antonio, who had turned at the sound of her soft accented voice.

"Bella?" The Spaniard called out, rushing towards the door. Lovino saw her perk up slightly and she rushed into the room where the two met and embraced upon seeing each other. "What are you doing here?" Antonio said happily, then suddenly his face dropped. "What's wrong? Has something happened?" He asked as she clung to the front of him desperately. A muffled sound came from the front of Antonio's shirt and he asked her to repeat what she had said.

"It's maman, she's sick." Antonio froze, staring at the young girl in shock. Lovino thought he was going to pass out based on how pale he suddenly became. He didn't really understand, but he spoke enough French to realise 'maman' meant that it was Antonio's mother who was sick, judging by his reaction.

"What?...how sick is she?" He asked nervously and the younger girl stepped back away from him slightly and wiped her face with one hand.

"Toni, she's in the hospital. They don't…they don't know…if…" Tears fell from her face as she choked on the end of her sentence. It was obvious what she was going to say, though, and Antonio fell to his knees on the ground.

"No." He said firmly, shaking his head.

"She's stable now, but not conscious." The girl continued, bending down beside the older man. Lovino had no idea what to do; he just stood awkwardly by the front door, rubbing his still-aching ribs. The news did little to console Antonio, he ran his hands through his chocolate curls a few times, tears making his eyes shine brighter than they already did, but not falling over his high cheeks.

"I need to see her." Antonio stated firmly, looking dazed. The blonde girl nodded, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"The flight I'm getting leaves tomorrow evening. You can take the rest of the week off work, right? I called Francis before coming here to find out where you were and he said it would be okay." Antonio didn't respond other than to rub the tears from his eyes. Suddenly he looked up at Lovino.

"I can't, unless Feli will…but he can't either." Lovino responded with a confused look, shared by the blonde girl.

"What was that Antonio?" She asked softly and he cleared his throat.

"I can't leave you alone." He answered softly and Lovino finally realised what he meant.

"I'll be fine for a few days, idiot." He muttered, shuffling awkwardly on the spot.

"-or, he could come with us?" The girl, Bella, suggested.

Antonio and Lovino both looked to her in surprise. "What?" They asked in unison.

"What? You can't leave him alone, for whatever reason, and he can't be left. There's enough room at mami's house." Antonio thought about the idea and then turned to Lovino.

"She's right…what do you think? Do you want to come?" Lovino thought about it, the idea of going to Spain didn't seem actually that bad. Especially when the alternative was staying with Feliciano and his potato-sucking boyfriend.

"Si, I could do with an extra week off school." He accepted, pretending that was why he had decided to go. Antonio looked at him in surprise, curiosity dancing in the deep green eyes of his.

"Antonio, it's late and you've had a shock. This has all been so sudden, why don't you get to bed honey?" Bella suggested, leading Antonio to his room. He allowed her to pull him, still looking rather out of it. She led him into his bedroom and Lovino flopped onto the sofa in exhaustion.

"What the fuck just happened?" He muttered to himself, running a tired hand over his face while the other softly rubbed his ribs in an attempt to ease the aching there.

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After about half an hour the girl finally returned looking rather worn out. "Hey." She greeted tiredly, standing beside the sofa. Lovino sat up from where he had been laying down and shuffled so she could sit.

"Ciao…" He replied pathetically, not making eye-contact.

"Sorry about, well, all that." She said, looking only a fraction as awkward as Lovino felt. The Sicilian just shrugged in response, unsure of how to act around the stranger. "I just...I got a call from my brother, Lars, who helps out on maman's fields. He just came home to find her lying on the floor." She said quietly, her voice catching in her throat again.

"Are you related to Antonio?" Lovino asked suddenly, curiosity getting the better of him.

Bella nodded, seemingly glad that Lovino responded. "He's my cousin, but his mother raised my brother and me for a few years." She said simply, not giving any more detail and Lovino didn't ask for any more. Instead he stood up and stretched.

"Well signorina, I assume Antonio's fallen asleep so in his place I'll offer you my room, I can sleep on the couch." She looked like she was about to protest and so Lovino interrupted. "And by can, I mean will. You've had a long trip and my mother raised a gentleman. I'll be right back." He concluded, heading into his room. He was naturally rather clumsy and generally messy, however his room was sparsely decorated and so the chance to make a mess was actually rather small. It was in the main dorm room and around the sofa that the mess was found as it was where he spent most of his time.

Lovino quickly stripped the bed and put on new sheets and covers, taking the spare blanket from beneath his bed and heading back to the main dorm room. "The room is ready, if you need anything I'm out here." He said tiredly, sitting back down on the sofa. She looked like she was going to protest when Lovino gave her a sharp look. "I don't do this often, so take it while it's offered dammit!" She looked surprised for a moment, and then a smile formed on her face and she began to 'aww'.

"Well aren't you like a total sweetie?" She asked, her speech reminded him of that blonde cross-dressing sex-education teacher he had last year…

"Just go to fucking bed." He snapped in embarrassment, pulling the covers over himself and turning away from her. She made the noise again until he growled, at which she giggled and finally left.

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It was a few hours later, and Lovino couldn't sleep. He had been deep in thought about the dance earlier when he heard the sounds of muffled sobbing coming from Antonio's room. It had been going on for a few minutes and Lovino found he just couldn't ignore it and act like it wasn't happening. In the end he threw off his quilt cover, grabbed a cushion from the sofa and slowly padded towards the Spaniard's room.

He stopped in the doorway, deliberating what he was about to do, when a louder sob broke through and he decided to just go ahead with it. He walked slowly up to the bed and slid under the covers beside Antonio. The Spaniard noticed his presence and sat up slightly in confusion. "L-Lovi?" He asked, voice thick with tears.

"Don't say anything bastard." Lovino replied, putting the pillow under his head and shuffling so that his back was to Antonio's chest. The Spaniard was too upset to really think about what he was doing, and he hugged the Italian to him, crying softly into the space between his shoulder-blades. Eventually he must have cried himself to sleep as the sobs were replaced by soft breathing, and soon Lovino fell asleep too.

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**Hello again beautiful people! **

**Once again I am so~ sorry **

**I shall try my absolute hardest to keep up with updating! I need to keep on top of things~ D: (It may mean slower replies to reviews until like holidays etc. :( unless you have like a question or something~ However your reviews will always always aaaalwaaaays be read XD Trust me, I'm like addicted :') )  
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**Anyway, I have two pieces of news! Weird/bad/creepy news and amazingly awesome OMG news!  
**

**First, the bad (because hey get it out of the way)  
some creepy weirdo from where I work at my part-time job broke into my house a couple of weeks ago D: Then he started yelling about how he loved me and refused to leave until I spoke to him etc. creeppyyyyyyyy  
**

**He also has a weird obsession with samurai swords and throwing knives etc xP  
and I found his twitter and he keeps posting about me :'(  
**

**And the amazing/awesome news! I have a girlfriend~ Like, the cutest/sweetest girl ever and she's so amazing and just...yeah -happy dance- we had a date at picadilly circus the other day~ :3 -happy Oresama-  
**

**So, anyway, that's my life :') hehe I will try to update soooooooon!  
(update speed wasn't helped by the awkwardness of this chapter)  
**

**Oh, and in case anyone was confused, the first bit was a recap/different perspective thing of the dance more from Lovino's point of view.  
**

**Reviewer gift trial run: Reviewers get~ well, I'm in a PruAus mood (I'm a Prussia cosplay and my girlfriend cosplays Austria~! How awesome is that?) Anyway. PruAus date, OR -for people who dislike the pairing- Bad Touch Trio day out with foolishness and laughs~ xD tell me in the review m'kay? :3 (if you don't specify I'll just go with PruAus)  
**

**~Oresama  
**

**P.S. I apologise also for the mistake in the last chapter, I accidentally called Lovino "Romano". I try so hard to avoid it as well :'( I'm also sorry for mistakes made in this chapter, I am knackered.  
**


	19. Distance

**Hey awesome people 3 Sorry, another filler type monstrosity XD however**, **things are starting to pick up! This may be the last T rated chapter... :O Enjoy~**

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Antonio was avoiding him, that much was clear. When Lovino had woken up he found himself alone, the place previously occupied by his Spanish roommate was now a cold empty space behind him. When he had left Antonio's bedroom it was to the sound of the bathroom door rapidly closing, followed by the sound of the shower echoing around the room immediately after and Bella giving him a sympathetic look from over her cup of coffee. If it wasn't so irritating, Lovino would have found his childishness cute. However he had been hiding away in his room all day, and it was getting late in the afternoon. He was supposed to be leaving soon to take Bella to the airport. When he asked the new girl about it she explained that they couldn't get tickets for the evening flight, but that Antonio had booked two tickets for the next morning. She herself was already packed, flight leaving in a couple of hours.

"Ready to go?" Antonio asked quietly, leaving his room at last without as much as a glance at Lovino. However a noticeable flush crept up his neck and lay across his cheeks as his car-keys danced nervously in his hand. The blonde nodded, grabbing her bag.

"Oui, though don't you think it's a little early?" She asked, nodding when she saw the determined look on Antonio's face. "Well early is better than late. Goodbye Lovino, I'll see you tomorrow honey." She grabbed Lovino in a warm embrace, and planted a soft kiss against his cheek. The Italian could have sworn he heard growling...

"S-Si Bella, have a good flight." He replied awkwardly, feeling the heat in his face. His blush was not helped by the cooing that followed, nor the cheek-pinch which came with it.

"Oh Antonio he's so cute! Don't you just want to eat him up?" She giggled; Antonio however just snatched her bag from her and stormed to the door.

"Let's go already!" He snapped, leaving two people standing in shock in his wake. The blonde gave Lovino an apologetic look before following Antonio out of the door.

Lovino stood in dazed silence, staring at the door ahead of him, when suddenly he heard it unlock and then fling open again.

"I'm not allowed to leave you alone, come on." Antonio said quietly, avoiding eye-contact. Lovino was about to protest but decided he may as well join them for the ride, not having anything else to do. Besides, the older man was upset, it was natural for him to be a little…stressed. (The fact that this Antonio scared Lovino quite a lot had nothing to do with it, of course).

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Saying the two-hour ride to the airport was awkward would have been an understatement. The air was so thick with tension Lovino thought he could feel himself choking on it. "So…" Bella began, looking between the driver and fellow passenger. "Lovino, are you excited to see Spain?" Lovino's attention flickered out of his daydreams, and he turned to her.

"Uh sure, it should be…warm." He answered pathetically, turning to stare out the window again. Antonio snorted derisively, making Lovino scowl. It was the Spaniard's fault the car ride was so awkward.

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They finally got to the airport and Lovino elected to remain in the car while the relatives said their goodbyes. He got out his mobile and started playing one of the standard games installed on the device, and was about halfway through his quest to rescue the princess from a giant ape for about the seventh time when Antonio threw open the car door with a huff and slumped down into the driver's seat. He started the car wordlessly and, unsure of how to break the tension, Lovino resumed his study of the world passing by his window. Comforting people wasn't something he was good at, especially when the person refused to talk to him, it was incredibly frustrating.

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Back at the dorms, Lovino was busying himself with lunch, having already packed for his trip. As soon as they had entered the room Antonio had retreated to his own bedroom muttering about marking. The Italian wasn't a patient man by far, but he had been able to keep his temper in check as of late. However, he was steadily getting tired of the Spaniard avoiding him. He was obviously devastated about his mother, but surely he knew Lovino of all people would understand?

Though it could of course be that Antonio was annoyed at Lovino, after all the younger man had nearly kissed him…

Finding himself getting upset at that thought, Lovino pushed it from his mind with a shake of the head and returned to making lunch.

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The line for the passport check was moving ridiculously slowly, and Lovino was already irritable from lack of sleep. Antonio hadn't left his room all day; Lovino even went to check on him, receiving only a rather harsh snap from Antonio about how he wanted to be alone. The next morning, however, when Lovino left his bedroom it was to find a rough-looking Antonio drinking espresso at the kitchen counter, suitcase by his feet. The atmosphere was still awkward, but the Spaniard seemed distracted from whatever had been bothering him and a nervousness made him jitter where he stood. They still said almost nothing to each other, but it was less tense than before. In fact, before getting into the car Antonio had hugged Lovino and apologised for the way he had been acting. The younger man had sheepishly muttered a vague, embarrassed acceptance which almost made the other smile.

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"Sir, can I see your passport?" Lovino looked up at the lady before him, realising he had been daydreaming. The dirty glass distorted her features slightly, but she looked to be young and blonde, her hair scraped back into a tight ponytail matching her excitable American accent.

"Si, here." He passed her the small book and anxiously waited while she checked it over. She hummed contemplatively, holding it up before her. "Is there a problem signorina?" He asked smoothly, smiling slightly to hide his nerves.

"Yes…you look much cuter with lighter hair!" She whined at last, causing Lovino to sigh with relief.

"Si, so people say… I might change it back, especially if someone as pretty as you thinks so." He said with a wink, ignoring an annoyed huff coming from Antonio behind him. She giggled girlishly, covering her mouth with her hand, looking over the passport again.

"Thank you…Feliciano, is it?" Behind him Antonio choked in surprise, and Lovino decided to interrupt before he could say anything.

"Yes, your pronunciation is perfect. However I should probably go, I'm holding up all these customers…" He joked, indicating those behind him. The girl agreed with a sad expression, stamping his passport and slipping something inside which Lovino later found was a piece of paper with a phone number on, which regretfully for her he would never call. He took his passport back from her and walked away from the check desk, waiting for Antonio around the corner.

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"Feliciano?" Antonio asked disbelievingly, gawking at the younger man.

"No, It's me you idiot. My passport expired so…" Antonio's jaw fell and he began to look uncomfortable.

"Lovi…that's illegal!" He hissed, looking about him nervously.

"It works doesn't it? Come on, we'll miss our flight if we just stand here." He led the other away through the airport, slapping his arm whenever he began to hiss in his ear about how the Italian was going to get caught.

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Spain was beautiful, there was really no way to escape that fact. As soon as Lovino had stepped off the aeroplane and felt the familiar heat on his skin and breathed the sweet air he could feel the immense beauty of the place fill him. "You grew up here?" He said softly, turning to Antonio. He froze, transfixed by the look on the older man's face. He looked so…content. Everything about him suited the place surrounding them perfectly and the Spaniard's look of pure contentedness brought a small smile to the Italian's face as they walked towards the car-park where they had arranged to meet Bella.

"Si…this is home." Lovino felt the warmth in his voice rather than felt it, and for a moment the dreary horror of life back in America seemed like a terrible nightmare in light of the land where the warmth of the setting sun made the whole country glow. Antonio looked at the younger man fondly, amazed at the rare sight of Lovino without his defences up. He was obviously thinking of his own home back in Italy as his eyes lit up in reminiscent calmness.

"Antonio?...what?" Antonio's face had fallen into a troubled frown as someone Lovino didn't recognise came towards them.

"Lars? Why are you here? Where's Bella?" Antonio said in a panicked voice, looking over the man's shoulder. The stranger's face was set in a deep frown, and he ignored Antonio's questions in favour of greeting Lovino with a firm handshake which left a greasy residue, probably from where the stranger had run his hands through his overly gelled hair. "Lars? Tell me what's happened!" Antonio yelled, making the stranger turn to him at last.

"I shouldn't be the one telling you…" Lars sighed in frustration, running his hand gently over the top of his hair. Antonio began to get angry, and the blonde held his hands up defensively. "I will tell you, just... first you have to sit." He led them to his car and opened the door to the back seats, pushing Antonio by the shoulders until he was seated.

"Lars…what's happened?" Antonio asked, big green eyes staring desperately up at the 'stranger'. In that moment Lovino saw someone a lot younger than he was supposed to be. A young boy asking if everything was going to be okay, and he felt the strongest urge to climb in beside him and try to comfort him. However he didn't. Out of fear of rejection or judgement he did not know, but he stayed still in his place behind the tall blonde man.

"Your mother… I really shouldn't be doing this." Antonio gasped and grabbed the front of the blonde's clothes.

"What happened?!"

"Antonio, she woke up…they did scans in the night and…it's not good." The Spaniard sobbed, burying his face in his hands.

"I knew it…how long does she have?" A hopeless voice asked almost inaudible to those standing by the car.

Lars ran his hands through his hair properly this time, making it look almost chaotic. "They're turning her machines off tomorrow night." Antonio raised his head slowly, and Lovino saw pain in his face. The colour drained from his tanned skin and he darted from the seat, managing only a few paces before he leaned forward and emptied his stomach onto the gravel floor. Seeing his knees buckling, Lovino ran over to support his friend, grabbing him around the middle in a tight grip as the older man began retching again.

The sounds of retching gave way to desperate sobs and the man struggled to stand straight. "Antonio." The older man turned to the other at the sound of his name being said, and Lovino pulled him into a proper hug, not knowing what else to do. He felt his clothes being grasped tightly as he was hugged so tight it was almost painful.

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**ASDFGHJKL ja...**

**I am sorry D:  
**

**For lateness and this chapter and ja  
**

**I have had half of this written for two weeks. TWO.  
**

**I just couldn't work out where it was supposed to go D:  
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**So, like I said, possibly last T chapter. M from here-on out...maybe... could be the chapter after...I'll post warnings with the chapter!  
**

**I'm going to post this and attempt to reply to everyone! :D I has Ipad now so I can reply on that~  
**

**Okay, about the replies...I tested the whole small segment idea and it kinda failed XD I've written the PruAus one and some of the BTT one but it's a little difficult to find time for as well as this and job and school (exams are back D:) and saving up for Norway as well as research for this thing I'll be doing there (Protesting against nuclear weapons in Norway hell yeah!) so time is limited D: BUT I really like the idea, so I will be doing it...just not for every chapter. When I have free time etc I'll do it ^-^  
**

**Aaaaand now...  
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**Idek anymore. How was your Christmas' guys? Hope it was AWESOME! :D  
**

**BTW that is an invitation to tell me how your Christmas was in your review ^-^  
**

**SPEAKING OF REVIEWS - Reviewers get like a dramatic taster scene overview (like an advert for a season finale except it's not the finale) excerpt like thing  
**

**[However no amount of probing will make me explain any of it and even if you guess I won't say whether you're right or wrong because where's the fun in that]  
**

**You can, of course, refuse this if you like XD  
**

**Stay awesome!  
**

**~Oresama  
**

**P.S. I actually don't know if Americans use passports in the same way we do /shot so my apologies if any of this is wrong (which it probably is)  
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**[-is EXTREMELY ignorant when it comes to American culture seriously I have so many questions if anyone wants to be like an American correspondent say so in a review and I'll give you my Skype-]  
**


	20. Return

**I'm alive! And oh GOTT the month I've had D: but I'll save that for later ;) **

**but first an apology: NON M-RATED CHAPTER. THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS LIKE NOTHING EVEN CLOSE TO M. I AM SORRY FOR THIS, M COMES LATER, PROBABLY NEXT CHAPTER BUT CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING YET. ONCE AGAIN, T-MAX RATER CHAPTER. NO M. PLEASE FORGIVE. OTL**

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Eventually Antonio calmed down enough for them to start heading to the hospital where his mother was, and the Spaniard appeared to have lost all energy as he practically lay on Lovino in the back seat. The Italian didn't mind, rather he found something soothing in the action of running his hands though the older man's soft chocolate curls. Antonio seemed to feel the same way as his breathing steadily became soft and the remainder of his sobs faded to nothing.

They finally approached the hospital and Lovino was surprised to note it was nothing like the large, soulless, grey buildings he had grown used to in America, this was one level and with an ornately decorated exterior. It fit in well with the tall, villa-style houses surrounding it. Feeling the car stopping, Antonio awoke slowly and sniffed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He sat up and gazed sadly at the building before him, whimpering slightly. "Visiting hours are almost over, you wont get to see her very long if you don't hurry up." Lars said, sounding almost irritated. "There's a restriction on how many people can see her, so I'm going home to check on Bella, but I'll leave you the car." Lovino frowned at the man, wondering how he could be so cold towards Antonio with the state he was in. He would have spoken but Antonio had pulled himself up and was slowly getting out of the car. Unsure of what to do, he stayed put. Antonio would be back soon anyway.

"Hey, kid?" Lovino turned with a glare directed at the blonde man. "Look at him, are you really going to let him go up there on his own?" His tone was softer, and Lovino looked back to where Antonio was walking towards the hospital as if he was walking to his own execution. Without saying anything he got out of the car and ran to the older man, wondering if perhaps Lars cared more than he was willing to let on.

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With heavy steps Antonio neared the front entrance, when suddenly he felt a soft warmth on his hand. Looking around in surprise he saw Lovino's blushing face pointing directly away from him. He squeezed the younger man's hand gratefully and turned back to the hospital with a deep breath. "I can do this...right?" He glanced at Lovino who had turned to face him at last, responding to the Spaniard with a single nod. Antonio took a deep breath and nodded as well, as if to reassure himself, before entering the building.

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Antonio hadn't known what to expect. The multitude of nightmares he had had over the past few nights could not have prepared him for how...peaceful his mother looked lying comatose in her hospital bed. She just looked so small and frail, he couldn't help but to run to her immediately. "Mamma!" He yelled, clutching her wrinkled hand between two of his own; as Lovino explained to a nearby nurse who they were. The Spaniard grabbed a chair left from when his cousins had been to visit and bowed his head, grief-filled tears beginning to form in his eyes.

Lovino watched from afar once the nurse had gone to talk to a doctor, nervous of approaching the scene. Antonio's mother was old and tanned the same golden-brown as her son, her chocolate curls also matched his as they fanned out about her head. Attached to her was a number of whirring machines keeping her alive. Despite being laden with deep worry lines, the creases at the corners of her mouth proved that she did know how to smile, and often too. All-in-all she was beautiful in that homey kind of way, and he could almost visualize the old lady laughing as she cooked for her young son in their Spanish home. The son who had now pressed his forehead to the back of his mother's hand, muttering what sounded like a prayer under his breath.

"Antonio I-"

"Mr Carrierdo?" A doctor came rushing into the room, panting slightly from having rushed there. Antonio looked up, and red-rimmed emerald eyes watched the man nervously.

"Si, what do you want?" He asked, wondering if they had decided to turn the machines off early and tightening his hold on his mother unconsciously.

"Well, you being here and being my patient's primary care-taker complicates has led to procedural complications, and I'm going to need to discuss the matter of your mother's life-support with you." Antonio's eyebrows furrowed as he tried to process what the other man had said. "Sir, if you'd like to come with me so we can talk?" And with a quick glance at Lovino, "in private," he added.

Still not completely sure what the doctor wanted from him, Antonio pressed a soft kiss to his mother's palm and stood slowly, forcing his limbs to follow the other man out of the room.

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Lovino watched them leave, wondering what he was supposed to do until Antonio's return. After a few moments of standing awkwardly by Antonio's mother's bed, he sat down in the seat previously occupied by the Spaniard.

"...ciao." He muttered softly, eyes flickering between the old lady and the floor. "I read somewhere people in comas can hear things...I don't know if it's true, but just in case, I don't want you to think I'm rude, if you can here me at all, or even care... I'm Lovino." He muttered awkwardly. "I don't even know if you speak English, and I sure as hell can't speak Spanish. Your son is trying to teach me though. Antonio, I mean. But then, you only have one son so I didn't really need to say that. I don't know. Either way it's not working, I still can't speak the damn language..." He realised he was rambling and stopped, looking at the lady's peaceful face and wondering what her life must have been like. "Look, I don't know you, but Antonio is acting really depressed because of this. You really need to wake up, capisce?" He sighed softly and did something he hadn't done for years and bowed his head much like Antonio had done earlier.

_"Pater noster, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. _

_Adveniat regnum tuum. _

_Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. _

_Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. _

_Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen."_

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"So, you're saying that I get to choose when to turn her machine off?" Antonio asked to doctor, who nodded patiently.

"Basically, yes. Because she had no primary legal care-taker to make a decision, her treatment was decided by her doctor. However, it's been nearly a week, and after that the likelyhood of total mental recovery is highly unlikely, and I would advise you stick to the planned procedure." Antonio ran his hands through his hair, unsure of what he should do.

"I don't know...Just...give it a few more days, please. You're saying she could still wake up." The doctor went to interrupt, but Antonio held up a hand to silence him. "If there's a chance, even a tiny one, I want to take it. Keep her on the machine." The doctor looked like he wanted to object, but held his tongue professionally and left the room.

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Visiting hours were almost over, so Antonio went back to his mother's hospital room to see Lovino watching her with uncertainty. He wasn't sure why, but having the younger man with him made it all seem...bearable somehow. Despite the chaos of emotions the boy inspired within him, he also had a way of calming him when it mattered.

"She would like you." Lovino's head snapped up at the voice, and his face morphed into the cutest expression of confusion. "She always had a deep love of anything passionate, and you are quite the little fire-ball. I can see her liking you, if she wakes up." Lovino stared at him blankly for a moment, before raising an eyebrow and smiling slightly.

"Is that so? Well, _when_ she wakes up we'll see." The Italian said sympathetically, standing to let Antonio resume his place. Just when Antonio was about to complain about how Lovino didn't need to try to make him feel better, the younger man called him a "strange bastard" and left to get coffee. The Spaniard felt a small smile grow on his face as he watched the Italian. He didn't mind Lovino being a little nicer to him, but not having the fiery, hissing entity that he had grown used to made Antonio feel uncomfortable. With a small, hopeful smile he resumed his seat beside his mother, determined that she would wake up eventually. She was just taking a siesta from life, and would soon wake up feeling refreshed and okay... until then, he would just have to bother Lovino for attention.

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**Tadaa~**

**UGH. That is all ;)  
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**Pffft whenever is that all? Yeah like, I'm so bloody sorry for the late update OTL but life just decided to bombard me with stuff and so like NO FREE SECONDS FOR ANYTHING. I had exams, illness, arguments, Norway got cancelled, friends getting ill, threat of being kicked out, stalker stuff, phone getting stolen...MAJOR DRAMA. (Yeah, the guy I said about in the AN before who broke into my house followed me into work and is STILL posting about me -rage-)  
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**But~ I have returned, and hope to post at the once-a-week rate I so love. I have started the next chapter  
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**And another depressing note, my phone got stolen. Despite getting a new phone (which I prefer) the problem is that loads of writing stuff was on there. The chapter/review reward things, a one-shot I owed BMS, overview, story plans, as well as a Philosophical thesis I began...ja so that is NOTGOOD. IDK I'm getting a bit overwhelmed with stuff, but hey, writing is like my medication XD So I'm sorry if I can't reply to reviews! I have read them all already, and will re-read them to reply to questions, but I'm going to have to like say that I will start replying from this chapter plus. I'm so sorry! I hate having to do this, but I just can't. Just know that I have read them, and I re-read them all the time, replying just takes too long and I don't physically have the time. You are all awesome though! and I thank you eternally for putting up with me  
**

**~Ore-sama  
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	21. Arise

**I did it~! Fast update for you all~! Aren't I awesome? ;) T-bordering-M-but-not-really-idk**

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Eventually the doctor came and told them they had to leave, and with reluctance they left for Antonio's mother's house. The drive was short, but quiet. Though, not in the tense way Lovino had begun to get used to, it was as if they had reached a point where they didn't need to speak. There wasn't much to say anyway. Instead, Lovino would shoot worried looks to Antonio, who pretended not to notice as he drove towards home.

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The sight of the Carrierdo property left Lovino feeling awed. Despite the actual cottage-crossed-villa style house being relatively small, it was surrounded by giant fields stretching out into the night. According to Antonio, it was once a vineyard, then a field red with tomato plants. Now, only a small portion of it was actually used for a mix of both crop, which were harvested for both personal use and for sale at the local farmer's market. They finally reached the property; and upon entering, a large glass of wine was pushed into their hands as they all toasted to the hope of Antonio's mother's swift awakening. The wine was grown from the land Antonio's family owned, and Lovino noted it was slightly too sweet, but that didn't necessarily make it bad. It was different, in a good way, and very rich in taste. Nevertheless, he stopped himself from drinking more than a glass as he didn't particularly feel that getting drunk was a good idea, especially when he found out he would be sharing a bed with Antonio. Bella and Lars had the two single beds on the lower floor, and the master bedroom upstairs was Lovino and Antonio's during their stay. This wasn't a problem for Lovino, even though it was embarrassing, because the Italian had planned to watch the older man intently in case stress and worry brought back some of his old 'habits'.

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As the night wore on, Antonio became progressively more drunk. In the end, it was up to Lovino to carry him upstairs to their bed. The large, wooden stairs opened right out into the bedroom, which was designed in the same old-fashioned style as the rest of the house. The dark-wood floor-panels creaked as Lovino hauled the large Spaniard over to the double bed. With a deep breath he managed to gracelessly dump the half-conscious form on top of the duvet, panting from the exertion. "You eat too many churros. When we get back it's tomato salads for a month." The Italian scolded, going back downstairs to bring their bags up.

By the time he returned, Antonio had passed out halfway under the covers. Lovino ran a hand over his face, an amused smile playing on his lips as he shook his head disapprovingly before getting changed into his bed clothes. Now he was faced with the decision of what to do with the Spaniard...

Sighing dramatically, he pulled off the man's shoes and decided he could sleep in his boxers. The room was warm enough, and he did it all the time at home. "Stupid bastard, why'd you have to go and drink to much?" He growled, knowing full-well the other wouldn't be able to hear him, but it was a way to procrastinate from what he would have to do next. Biting his lip with nervous embarrassment, Lovino climbed under the duvet beside Antonio and pulled it so the other wasn't half on it. Pushing the duvet back to allow him maneuvering space, he sat up on his knees beside the older man.

He felt his cheeks redden as he leaned over the other, fingers fumbling as they began unbuttoning his shirt. Tanned skin was slowly exposed to the Italian's hungry gaze, defined muscles rippling as the Spaniard breathed. When the shirt was completely undone, he slowly slid it off the other man's body and threw it to the floor beside the bed, now free to admire the other's chest without restriction. His skin looked soft, and Lovino was filled with a strong urge to touch that sculpted chest, something he'd imagined doing for a long time. Without thinking, he reached out with shaking fingers, inhaling sharply when the pads ran over smooth pecs and down to toned abs. It felt just as smooth as it had in his day-dreams. He closed his eyes as his hands stroked down, brushing against the fabric at the top of the trousers and playing with the button slightly before slipping his hand just below the waistband to feel the soft hair there.

"...L...Lovino?" His eyes snapped open to see dazed emerald ones looking back at him. Instantly panicking, he ripped his hand back as if he had been burned. "What are you doing?" Antonio continued in a soft voice laced with drowsy confusion, not yet awake.

"You need to get changed for bed." Lovino replied lamely. Antonio just nodded and slowly shut his eyes again, falling back asleep.

Exhaling deeply, Lovino quickly undid the button on the trousers and slid them from the Spaniard's body roughly before turning round and firmly shutting his eyes, deep blush still present on his face.

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Due to a muffled noise the next morning, Antonio woke with a slight headache. It wasn't as bad as it should have been, due to his relative tolerance for his family's wine. However it was still early, and he didn't feel like getting up just yet, and whatever it was that had woken him had stopped. Instead, he rolled over and found something soft and warm beside him. He wasn't sure what it was, and was too tired too care as he snuggled into it, burying his face into something silky, as his hands wrapped around whatever it was. The softness smelt nice, like cinnamon. He hummed contentedly and began to drift off again, the noise going unheard this time. Then, two pairs of of feet sounded on the stairs, and before long one of them was running across the room towards the bed. "Antonio!" The Spaniard felt himself being brought to consciousness again, his eyes opening slowly to see shining auburn locks. Sitting up, he saw a red-faced Lovino feigning sleep before him.

"Wha-"

"Antonio!" The Spaniard turned round quickly, causing the cover to slide off him, and he realized he was only in his underwear. Confused, he pulled the covers back over himself as his cousin wrapped herself around him. "The doctor phoned about mama, she's showing brain activity!" Confusion was replaced with excitement as Antonio realized what his cousin was saying, and he hugged her back tightly. When it finally sunk in he laughed with happy relief. Meanwhile; Lars observed the scene from the top of the stairs, watching his sister hug the Spaniard as the young Italian pretended to wake up, all the time a knowing look glinted in his eyes.

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**Hell yes! I haven't finished replying to everyone about things that I asked before the last chapter, but I will get round to that! IDK I managed to do this XD I hope to continue with quick updates, especially as this is where the story begins to reach its peak ;) hehee~**

**On a side note: My silver hair dye has faded and my hair has gone curly, I have gone from Fem!Prussia to France appearance-wise... thought-you-outta-know  
**

**But do not fret! Prussia awesome-ness will return soon ;) I look damn good with silver hair just-saying XD Much better than blonde D:  
**

**~Oresama  
**


	22. Peak

**Just your friendly neighbourhood ficdealer here~**

**Warning here: M for selfharm; boyxboy**

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Chaos. The only adequate word to describe the goings on around Lovino as everyone rushed to get dressed and ready to leave, and Lovino was horrified to note he was being pulled along with the tide. He didn't know why he was so hurriedly pulling his clothes on, it wasn't like he would be going in to see the woman. She was a complete stranger to him, and he was to her. So he couldn't understand his own urgency.

Meanwhile, Antonio was practically ready, but he kept slipping as he attempted to tie his shoe-laces. As if reading his mind, Lovino leaned over the Spaniard with a huff and tied them for him, muttering a string of curses as he sat up. Antonio smiled in thanks to the Italian, feeling a shot of giddy joy stream through him when Lovino shyly smiled back.

The sound of the car horn ripping through the air had everyone rushing to the door.

* * *

Bella smiled kindly at Lovino as he slid into the seat beside her, Antonio opting to sit beside Lars in the front. The Dutchman eyed Antonio suspiciously, but said nothing. And soon they were on their way towards the hospital.

As soon as the car pulled up outside the hospital, Antonio was out. By the time the others were able to get out of the car he had already entered the building.

* * *

Antonio finally found his mother's room and ran inside, a grin wide on his face. However the smile fell when the patient he saw before him was not his mother, but a confused young teenage boy blinking up at him wearily. "Ah! I'm sorry!" He spluttered nervously, turning to leave when Lovino came marching in.

"You idiot, don't go running off like that! We had to fucking chase you!"

"She's not here Lovi..." Antonio said sadly, fearing the worst.

"Of course she's not fucking here! This is the damn terminal ward you idiot!" Antonio's eyes widened with realisation, and his hopeful smile returned. "Lars is finding her room." Antonio grinned and ran out of the room to look for the blonde, leaving Lovino standing in the room awkwardly wondering whether or not he should follow.

"...I'm dying." Lovino turned quickly, the sudden voice making him jump. Behind him the young boy lay in his bed, all manner of tubes connected to his small body.

"I know." Lovino replied sullenly, not really wanting to make conversation with the dying boy, but not really wanting to face Antonio's family and the Spaniard's mother right now.

"I hate hospitals." The boy couldn't have been older than twelve.

"Me too."

"Do you like sports?"

"Where are your parents?" Lovino snapped, looking around the empty room. The boy didn't respond, looking at the light blue sheets that were wrapped tightly around him. Feeling guilty, Lovino decided to humour the boy. "I like some sports."

"Football?" Lovino nodded, "what team?"

"Italy in the world cup, otherwise I support Citta di Palermo." The boy looked suddenly awed.

"You're Italian?"

"Sicilian. And you?"

"From Tripoli." Lovino smiled and asked how he felt, speaking in Italian. The boy responded that he felt better having someone to talk to. Lovino nodded, he liked being able to speak in his mother tongue to someone other than his brother, and despite a few regional differences, their conversation began to flow smoothly.

* * *

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* * *

Antonio stood outside the door to his mother's room, watching her. She was lying on her back, the nurse that had led them to her room was talking to her. Eventually she came out and told Antonio that he and the others could go in, but only for a little while. The Spaniard swallowed nervously and went inside, resisting the urge to wrap his mother in a tight hug when he drew close.

"Mama..." He said quietly, sitting on the edge of her bed. She slowly opened her eyes to look at him, and a weak smile formed at her lips. Antonio noticed how the lines in her face were deeper than he remembered, the crows feet at the corners of her aged eyes and the lines around her mouth being the deepest.

"My baby, how are you?" She asked tiredly, and Antonio noted the slurred Spanish. She may be awake, but she had yet to recover.

"I'm good mama, better now." A sad look overcame the aged lady, and she reached her hand forward to lightly rest on her son's knee.

"I'm sorry. It's a mother's job to make her baby happy, not worried." Antonio shook his head and leaned down to kiss his mother's forehead.

"No mama, it wasn't your fault. You just need to rest and get better. Don't worry about anything else." Antonio felt his mother's already light touch loosen as she nodded, exhaustion overcoming her as her eyes struggled to stay open.

"How's America? I still can't believe my baby boy became a teacher. You're clever like your papa." Antonio smiled fondly, looking into eyes that matched his own, and noticing how they kept slipping closed. "I'm sorry baby, Mama's sleepy." Antonio nodded, kissing her softly on the cheek. "I wish we could talk longer..."

"Sleep Mama, I'll be back again to see you tomorrow." She smiled at him once more before snuggling into the sheets and letting sleep overcome her.

"Antonio, aren't you supposed to be leaving tomorrow?" Lars asked when he was sure she was asleep. Antonio didn't respond, biting his lip as he watched his mother. "Antonio?"

"I want to stay a little while...until she's better." The siblings said nothing, but shared a worried look between them. "Where's Lovi?" He suddenly realised the absence of the Italian and began to panic, heading back out into the corridor.

"Where did you last see him?" Bella asked, worried too for the young Italian. Suddenly remembering, the Spaniard took off towards the room where his mother used to be, calling the Italian's name.

* * *

"Lovino!" He ran into the room and felt warm relief flood through him at the sight of the younger man. "Don't make me worried like that!" He yelled, running over to hug the Italian. Lovino tried to shove the man off him, but to no avail.

"You were the one who went running away. Get the hell off me!" The young patient laughed at his new friend, recognising the man from earlier. Antonio released the Italian, smiling at him widely.

"It's time to go now, Lovi." Antonio said, resting his hand on the other's shoulder.

"I was talking here! You think you can just interrupt me and drag me away? Hell no!" Lovino turned back to the boy who he'd found out was called Marcello.

Antonio looked as if he'd just realised the boy was there, "Oh you've made a friend! I'm so happy." He said, going over to the other boy. "Hi, I'm Antonio. Don't worry about Lovino, he seems grumpy, but he's really nice when you get to know him!" Lovino slapped his arm, hard.

"Bastard, I'm always nice. Just not to you." He joked, smiling slightly.

"Nice to meet you Antonio. I'm grateful to you for talking to me for so long Lovino, but I'm feeling kind-of tired now." Lovino nodded, he had stayed in hospitals before and knew how exhausting the smallest thing could be.

"It's been nice talking to you, Marcello. Good luck tomorrow, it will be fine." The boy nodded, smiling slightly at them both and feeling a little jealous that they had each other.

* * *

.

* * *

After they had all returned home, Antonio had taken Lovino out into the vineyard to show him their tomato plants. He loved the way they younger man's face lit up at the sight. Feeling rather tired, Antonio just sat and watched as Lovino blissfully picked the ripe tomatoes from the plants, smiling at how happy he looked. "He should always look like that." He said to himself softly. The sun was hot, and it was making Lovino sweat so he pulled off his t-shirt. Antonio felt himself staring as the Italian's lightly tanned body was exposed to the sunlight. He fit in so well with the scenery, like a painting. His lightly toned body with just a little fat bunching at the waistband of his trousers. He was sinfully beautiful, and Antonio began to feel sick at where his thoughts were going. Getting angry at himself, he stood and headed back inside the house to call Francis and tell him he wouldn't be back for another week. He had told Lovino on the way home, and the younger man had understood, though he had pretended to bitch about it for his reputation's sake.

Francis agreed to cover Antonio's lessons, and would talk Gilbert into helping when he couldn't. Antonio thanked his friends gratefully, and hung up. As he did so, Lovino returned with his shirt on and a basket of ripe tomatoes. He had agreed to help Bella cook dinner, and feeling unneeded, Antonio did the washing-up while Lars set the table.

The dinner was a simple omelette, but it tasted good. Though Lovino would agree that anything with fresh tomatoes tasted good. For dessert was a warm chocolate cake, and when they were done, everyone was feeling relaxed, satiated, and a little sleepy. Bella began yawning, and headed upstairs. Not wanting to be left with Antonio, Lars followed after.

Antonio switched the television on and sat beside Lovino on the sofa, thinking about his mother. Lovino got bored of the show quickly as it was in Spanish, and watched Antonio in the reflection of the screen, snuggling against his side comfortably.

After a while, he began to feel thirsty and so the Italian got up from the sofa and headed into the kitchen. On the side, he spotted the basket of tomatoes, still a quarter full. He picked a particularly juicy one and bit into it, delighting in its taste as it burst in his mouth. He grabbed another tomato and finished the first off on the way back to the living room. "What's wrong?" He asked, suddenly seeing the small frown on the other's face.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Antonio said eyeing the tomato in Lovino's hand.

Raising an eyebrow as he followed the other's gaze, Lovino stood in front of Antonio, holding the tomato out and pulling it away quickly whenever Antonio got close. "What. Is. Wrong?" He asked. Antonio laughed and grabbed Lovino, pulling him forward onto his lap.

The Italian let out an unmanly squeak as he landed on Antonio, blushing hotly as the Spaniard held him against his chest with one arm, utilizing the other to grab the tomato out of the younger man's hand. He bit into it victoriously, closed lips grinning. Lovino tried not to smile, but a small one made its way onto his face anyway. Antonio stared wide-eyed, and Lovino took advantage of that look to steal the remaining half of tomato from the Spaniard's hands and pop it into his mouth. "So, what was wrong?" Lovino asked quietly, not moving from Antonio's lap. Antonio shrugged slightly, beginning to feel a little warm.

"I just... hate seeing her so weak." Lovino nodded in understanding, leaning in to Antonio's chest and wrapping his arms around his torso. Antonio was surprised, but wrapped his own arms around the Italian tightly. Lovino rested his head on Antonio's shoulder and buried his face into his neck. The Spaniard felt hot breath ghosting over his neck, and he began to lightly run his fingertips up and down the Italian's spine and over his shoulders, biting his lip slightly when Lovino shuddered. The younger man slipped one hand into the Spaniard's soft curls as the other stroked over his shoulder and down his chest.

Lovino's breath picked up as he felt the rippling muscles beneath his fingers, wishing there were no clothes so he could actually feel the silky skin he knew lay beneath. The heat between them grew as Antonio's strokes over his body became more daring. His hands began to run down the Italian's back, running over his ass and resting at the back of his upper thighs. Lovino groaned softly into Antonio's neck, then started to kiss and suck lightly at the place where it met the shoulder. Feeling himself harden, Lovino pressed himself closer to the Spaniard, feeling the other's hard-on brush his own in a soft wave of pleasure. Antonio's breath came out in bursts as he rubbed his crotch against Lovino's, seeking that pleasure once more. The two began to rut lightly against each other, rocking together slowly in ecstasy. Groaning in satisfaction, Lovino sat up from his place at the other's neck and brought his lips to Antonio's. Their lips met in a messy kiss, Lovino sucking on the Spaniard's lower lip as his hands ran down the tight space between their chests where he began unbuttoning the other's trousers. Catching on, Antonio followed suit, hissing when he felt Lovino's hands on his member. Groaning into the other's mouth, Lovino began to thrust lightly into the hand wrapped around his own arousal, increasing pressure on Antonio's. He could feel himself getting close as the other pumped him steadily faster, and he pressed his sweaty forehead against Antonio's, his free hand running through the dark curls. "Antonio." He groaned softly, causing the Spaniard to speed up. That was enough to push him over the edge, and Lovino came powerfully in the other's palm, crying out softly. The sight of Lovino's flushed face contorted with pleasure, and knowing he was the cause of it, was enough to bring on Antonio's shuddering release. They both panted together as they came down from their high, catching their breath.

Engulfed in post-coital bliss, Lovino leaned forward to press his lips against Antonio's in a soft kiss, however the Spaniard pulled away before he could. "What?" Lovino asked in confusion. "Antonio?" He began to worry as he felt Antonio's breathing speed up. "What's wrong?" He wiped his hand off on his shirt and tried to run it through the Spaniard's hair soothingly. "It's okay, just calm down..." Antonio's breathing was coming out too quick and too shallow, it was clear he was beginning to panic. Unsure of what to do, Lovino tucked himself back into his trousers and was about to do the same to Antonio but as soon as his hand neared the other's limp member, the Spaniard jumped up as if he had been burned, causing Lovino to fall to the floor.

"Don't touch me!" Antonio yelled, backing away from the other as he shoved his member into his underwear gracelessly. His hands then gripped his hair tightly, his teeth biting down on his lip hard enough to draw blood. Lovino watched the distressed look on the Spaniard's face as he backed away to the other side of the room. "I shouldn't have...and you..." Lovino saw it then on Antonio's face, guilt. Before he could react, the older man ran away from him, his footsteps echoing up the stairs.

Dejection set in slowly as Lovino found himself alone in the dark room, Spanish television show still playing in the background. Unsure what else to do, Lovino headed into the nearest bathroom to clean himself off in the sink.

* * *

The Italian locked the door behind himself as he headed to the sink and filled it with hot water, mixing it with soap. He found a washcloth on a shelf above the small sink and dampened it, pulling his clothes off to clean himself. Despite the burning water, he felt cold. Scared. So very alone.

He had cleaned himself off, but the water had been too hot and his skin stung when he tried to dry himself. Looking down at his stomach, he rubbed the red skin, when the sudden urge to scratch over-came him. He began to scratch as if he were itching all over, his thighs, torso and upper arms getting the worst of it. He stopped when he caught sight of himself in the mirror, red lines crossing all over his upper body and bleeding in places. "Shit." He muttered, looking down at his bloodied nails. "Shit!" he quickly washed them under the sink, drying them hastily. He then hurriedly pulled his clothes back on and ran into the living room. He looked about himself but the room just reminded him of what had happened not long earlier. Feeling pain tear at his chest, he ran outside and across the field to where the tomato plants towered, black against the midnight sky. The dirt was soft beneath his feet, and Lovino fell to the ground amongst the plants, curling into a ball against the cool air and inhaling the earth's rich scent.

* * *

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**und...ja...  
**

**-ducks-**

**IMSORRY**

**OTL**

**I had this basically planned all along XD no I lie :') it was similar, but this morning I had an epiphany and I just HAD TO GET IT WRITTEN**

**My muse has returned to me! **

**How is everyone~? **

**I had the CUTEST few days at my girlfriend's house last week~ helped me forget everything :3 It was just like so amazing~ went to Camden and the British Museum **

**So ja, I'm happy :3 ^-^ (despite what this chapter implies) **

**LOVE YOU ALL LONG TIME!**

**~Oresama**


	23. Relapse

**Weirdly...this story is actually nearing it's end :') It's like I never thought it would end XD Not in a bad way :3 I love writing it~ I just...expected it to never stop XD PrEpaRE foR dRAma**

* * *

**.**

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**.**

* * *

Pain seared through Lovino's head as he awoke, and he weakly raised a hand to shield his eyes from the attack of the rising sun. He was aching all over, his skin burnt and sore, and felt lightheaded. Slowly, he rolled over onto his front and began to raise himself on his elbows. In the distance, he could hear yelling. It was coming from Antonio's house, they were calling for him. He tried to call back, but his throat was parched from the outside air. His arms began to quiver from the strain of supporting him, so Lovino attempted to stand. His legs were weak, and his head spun, but he managed to stumble his way across the patch of grass towards the house.

He made it without falling, and through the open windows he could see the inhabitants frantically rushing around, occasionally calling his name. The door opened quietly, and before him stood Antonio, one hand in his hair while the other was a fist between his teeth. Suddenly the man called out his name, his voice strained with some inexplicable emotion.

The Italian slammed the door behind him, making the Spaniard jump. Antonio looked like he was about to say something, but Lovino ignored him, and shoved past him on the way to the shower.

* * *

.

* * *

Lovino chose to sit in the back of the car on the way home. It was awkward with it just being him and Antonio alone in the car, and he wanted to put as much distance between them as possible. However the Spaniard was not helping the situation as he kept looking at Lovino in the rear-view mirror, a worried expression on his face. The older man hadn't spoken to him since his return, which suited Lovino. He knew he would just blow up at the other man, so he bottled his emotions. Buried them and made himself cold.

They reached the airport, and Lovino left the car silently. The Spaniard looked like he wanted to talk, but his face would just morph into a look of hopeless sadness, and he would look away. This annoyed Lovino. He muttered "coward" as he passed Antonio's open window.

* * *

The flight home passed in a blur of stewing emotion, and by the time he got home he decided not to go to Feliciano's like he had promised Antonio. Instead he returned to his own room, slamming the door as he entered and locking the chain. He was expected to return to school, but couldn't bring himself to go. Instead he stood in the empty room, the events of the past week replaying in his mind. He couldn't believe how far he had fallen. For a moment he'd been happy, truly happy. Now, once again, he had nothing but his misery for company. Once again he had been left alone.

Lovino could feel the weight of depression pushing down on him, and he found himself in the corner of the room with his knees bent against his chest, breathing raggedly. _Why did he have to act like he cared? Why did I believe him?_

Antonio had been like an angel sent to protect him, and he had ruined it. No, Antonio had ruined it too…surely? Lovino bit his lip, wondering what role he had played in the breakdown of what they had. He had pushed things, had kept pushing things, and now they had broken. He felt guilt and regret building inside him at the thought he had ruined the best thing he had had for a long time. A sob burst from him at last, and tears stung on his burnt face. He coughed, the tears coming harder now, and a sudden wave of sadness made him dry-heave.

He wouldn't move for days.

* * *

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* * *

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* * *

Antonio put the dish he had been preparing into the oven, setting the timer when it was in place. In the few days since Lovino had left, Antonio had distracted himself with caring for his mother and preparing schoolwork for when he returned. He had been able to keep a smile on his face for his mother's sake, but when alone he felt lost. He was terrified of going home, terrified of facing Lovino again. The phone rang, and at first Antonio ignored it, but soon it became clear that no-one else was going to get it.

"Hello?"

"Toni! What's up with the silence? Ignoring your friends is lame, you know." Antonio felt himself relaxing instantly at the sound of his friend's voice, glad to hear him. He laughed and apologised for the silence, using his mother as an excuse as to why he hadn't called.

"Franny told me what happened. I'm glad the old woman's doing good, she always gave the coolest presents." Antonio smiled, ever since he had told his mother about Gilbert being an orphan, she had sent him a small gift every Christmas and birthday without fail.

"Si, she's doing good. She told me I needed a haircut today, but I'm thinking of growing it long so we'll see." Gilbert laughed down the line at that, probably picturing how the Spaniard would look.

"Not you as well!" Gilbert let out a large, fake sigh, "Gott, the Italian brat is turning you into Francis!" Antonio fell silent, chewing lightly on his lower lip. "...Toni?"

"How is he?" Antonio asked quietly, only half-wanting to know the answer.

"No idea, haven't seen him. Why?" Antonio looked around to make sure he was alone before turning to sit on the nearest kitchen counter.

"Something happened, I think I need some advice."

Antonio told Gilbert about what had happened in as little detail as possible, feeling like he was going to die of embarrassment. But he needed to get it off his chest, and he knew Gilbert would be blunt about the truth where Francis would just try to make him feel better.

"Well you fucked that up." Gilbert replied, sounding angry. "You don't think the kid's been hurt enough? What were you thinking?" Antonio hadn't been expecting praise, but his friend's words hurt. "If you were that desperate to get off, why couldn't you have just gone into town and picked someone up? Why him? You were supposed to be looking out for him!" Antonio tried to reply, but he couldn't get the words out properly. He thought of Lovino, of his beautiful eyes and soft skin. Of his strength despite all that had happened, and his cute little frown. He thought of how they had first met, and how abrasive he'd been despite the Spaniards best efforts to be kind. Then he thought of Lovino's smile, and the way it made everything feel warm.

"Antonio! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Antonio started to cry, guilt burning from the inside. "Shut up! Shut up! I don't want to hear anymore! I know. I've always known. I know it's sick and I'm disgusting. I know how wrong it is, I've known from the start. But I love him! I can't help it. I can't. I can't stop myself when I'm around him; he's taking over my mind!"

It took a while for Gilbert to reply, he had been stunned by his friend's words. "You idiot!" He yelled, accent coming through strongly. "I can't believe it… I am so pissed at you right now! You need to get back here and talk to him, because clearly you two have some issues to work out. If you love him, he deserves to know he's being loved and not used. Because I can tell you now that what you've done is going to hurt him. You've treated him like your plaything for far too long. Get your ass back home and come clean before he does something stupid again!" And with that Gilbert hung up, leaving Antonio stunned on the other end of the line.

…_again?_

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**Welp! I really hate this chapter XD Ugh just no. It was supposed to be longer as well but it just did not work so the next bit will come later~ XD**

**I can't believe this is almost over! :')**

**After this will be a few one-shots I've been meaning to do for ages :') and then probably a USUK story that's been on my mind for a while :/ or maybe DenNor cause hey-ho I love that pairing XD**

**~Ore-sama**


	24. Everything Breaks

**Hey~ Ugh exams are back D: Well, I'm on school holidays right now which means revision! And of course illness XD because luck does not favour the awesome, I'm afraid. **

**Important! - Structure of this is a little weird so I hope it's still followable. Feel free to ask any questions**

**Oh warnings! Bullying/Suicide**

**I don't even own the word-processor I typed this on XD **

* * *

**But the worst enemy you can encounter will always be you, yourself; you lie in wait for yourself in caves and woods.**

**- Nietzsche**

* * *

Sirens, and screaming. Feliciano screaming. Francis too. There's blood, and glass, and rocks. The police are asking questions, but no one's responsive enough to answer. Paramedics load the stretcher into the back of an ambulance; the small broken body on it is much too easy to lift.

"…Sir, I need you to answer a few questions…" A voice, but Antonio cannot process it. His body is cold, numb, and shaking. He's terrified and feels like he's going to be sick. He wants to go in the ambulance too, but Feliciano got to it first. Instead he just stares at the wreckage and the broken glass, wishing he could stop the smell of blood that penetrates his nostrils.

He looks around and sees Gilbert staring at him, and for a moment he thinks his best friend is going to go for his throat. He's never looked so angry before.

"Sir!" Hands grab his shoulders and he goes stiff. He can feel himself being turned around, but he resists. He doesn't want to go and answer questions. He's not ready to leave…

He steps out of the stranger's grasp. "Lovino, why?" He asks, the sounds is quiet but carries the weight of desperation. Everything feels broken now.

* * *

**EARLIER THAT DAY**

* * *

Lovino slowly regained consciousness; his tired muscles slowly came to life. He stretched his reanimated limbs, and shakily got up from the corner of the room he had fallen asleep in. Everything ached as if it had been bruised, and the effect of days spent in starvation made his head swim as he headed to the bathroom to shower. Today was the day he would finally go back to school, and he wasn't entirely sure he would make it until the end of the day.

* * *

He was ready, and he left the building with a sense of dread. The Gods appeared to agree with his mood, as the sky was dark and it began to rain. "Should've stayed indoors, this weather fucking sucks!" The Italian cried out to no-one, almost feeling relieved when the school came into view.

The sparse moments of relief were short lived, however, as people saw him walk up to the building. The large crowd of chattering students parted before him in their attempt to keep away, and there was not a single person who wasn't staring. Lovino bowed his head and wandered forward, making only a few steps before lifting his head to glare at the people around him. "What the fuck are you staring at?" He yelled, a few people shifted their feet but nobody lowered their gaze. The Italian hissed a curse and stormed into the building, red-faced from embarrassment. Aching and humiliated, he went to his first lesson. The day had barely begun and he already wanted it to end.

First lesson hadn't gone much better. He hadn't realised how long he'd been sitting on his dorm-room floor for, and had gotten the days wrong. This had meant he had wandered into the wrong class and sat down, and then had to face the embarrassing moment of asking the teacher what day it was when she had asked who he was.

His real first lesson was maths, and because he was late he made more of an entrance when he finally walked in. His teacher, Mr Jones, cleared his throat disapprovingly from where he was lounging against his large desk when Lovino entered. "Late _again_, Lovino? You're not on holiday anymore, dude! I'm starting to wonder why you even bother showing up." His American accent rang through the room. Lovino could never seem to make the man's lessons on time, it was a continuous source of frustration for them both, apparently his teacher had reached his limit. "How will your future employers react to your tardiness?" Bright blue eyes narrowed at Lovino, obviously expecting him to respond to his public humiliation. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction, Lovino walked to his seat on the second row and pulled his pen out from his bag. This just annoyed the teacher further, and he slid off his desk to look at Lovino properly. "You'd be fired, Lovino. I expect you on time next lesson or I'm putting you on report." The class began to laugh; subject report was for the first and second years, not near-graduates.

The class began and Lovino pretended to pay attention. Days without proper sleep or nutrition was leading to a migraine. Bright lights invaded the edges of his vision and he rubbed his eyes in an attempt to dissipate them. He was considering leaving to go to the medical officer when one boy directly behind him not-so-discreetly moved his desk forward into Lovino's back. Not wanting to cause trouble at the obvious attempt to annoy him, Lovino pushed his own desk forward slightly for breathing space. The boy in front looked back, and smirked at the boy over the Italian's head before moving his chair back to push the desk back into Lovino's stomach. He felt the hard wood press into his delicate ribs, and tried to shift out of their hold.

They wouldn't stop, and would copy the direction Lovino moved in. Soon he found it harder to breathe, and the constant pressure started to make him feel nauseous. Anger built, and an exceptionally hard push of the table behind caused him to erupt. He stood suddenly, tipping the table over in the process. "Fuck off!" He snapped, grabbing his bag and backing away from them. Mr Jones' eyes widened, and he ran towards the commotion. "Don't touch me!" Lovino hissed, jerking away. "Don't you dare touch me!" He screamed hysterically, clutching his bag to his chest defensively.

"Lovino, calm-"But it was too late, the Italian bolted out the door and down the halls, looking for somewhere safe.

Instinctively he ran for the safest place in school, Antonio's classroom. However he forgot Antonio wasn't actually there, and when he ran inside it was to find a room empty except for Francis who was sat reading a book at Antonio's desk. His blue eyes met Lovino's hazel for half a moment, and then he broke eye-contact and looked back down at his book, ignoring his existence. Lovino stood in the middle of the room for a few seconds, and Francis aggressively slammed his book closed, rising from Antonio's seat with a huff. He just about got to the door when Lovino called out.

"Have I not yet suffered enough?" Francis' hand paused over the door-handle, and he turned to look at Lovino with a bewildered expression. He shook his head and turned back to the door, deciding not to answer, and silently left the room.

Lovino sat at the closest seat for a few moments to rest his aching ribs. When he felt his heart slow to a normal rhythm, he got up and decided to head back home. He was done for the day.

* * *

The room was dark, and cold, and it felt as empty and lifeless as it looked. Lovino sat at his wooden dining table, staring at its pine surface. It was plain grained wood, a small glass bowl with keys in was placed in its center by Antonio, but what interested him were the small scratches in the wood from Antonio's pen. His handwriting obvious in the small indentations from where he had pressed his pen too hard while marking school work. Lovino let out a small, humourless laugh, as he could just make out a large letter 'F' before him. Fail. Failure. How Ironic.

Feeling the darkness take his mind to dangerous places, he decided to visit his brother. The only one on the continent he knew cared about him.

* * *

There was giggling coming from inside Feliciano and Ludwig's dorm room, and when Lovino first knocked he was ignored. Sighing, he knocked again harder. "Feli, it's me, can we talk?" He heard a deep voice grunt something that sounded like 'busy' and his brother giggling more.

"Sorry fratello, me and Ludwig are busy now. Can we talk later?" Lovino heard more giggling and he turned from the door feeling his stomach churn.

"Fine, whatever." He muttered, turning back to his own dark room again, not caring whether or not they heard.

* * *

The room was so dark. He had been sat long enough for the sun to set, and his mind was just running in circles. The pine table, and Antonio's writing. Earlier it had made him feel almost a fondness in their memories, now they reminded him of pain. Antonio. He had rejected him, Feliciano had rejected him too. His father had rejected him also, as had Francis before. Teachers, students, friends, family…everyone had done it. Antonio's had hurt most because he had pretended to care. Like a matador to the bull he had drawn him in, and Lovino felt the knife in his back burn.  
He had nothing left but anger.

He was hurting, he was always hurting. Surely it was obvious? If so then why did everyone make it worse? Why wouldn't anyone help him? Was he really so worthless?

The silence, the emptiness, and the endless chains of thought… it was maddening. Teeth clenched, Lovino simultaneously stood and gripped the edges of the table with its infernal writing. In one swift motion he threw it over, satisfaction flooding him at the sound of the glass shattering, its contents scattering across the floor. Rage overwhelmed him, and he turned to rip the photo-frames from the wall, scattering them across the room. He turned and grasped an upturned chair, swinging it into the bookcase and then throwing it into the television set. Glass exploded into the room. He clenched his eyes against the shower as it tore at his clothes and lightly bit at his skin. He stared at the room around him, turning to get to the window, when he felt something shift under his foot. He looked down and metal glinted back up at him. Antonio's car keys. He bent and grasped them, feeling their coldness in his palm as he ran from the room, not bothering to close the door.

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The car started smoothly, but Lovino only had a basic idea of how to drive it. After a few attempts he managed to reverse it out of the space and onto the road, accelerating forward. He didn't touch the brakes, foot flat down on the acceleration as he swerved between the few cars in his path. Lights streamed past the windscreen, the world around him becoming a surrounding blur as he picked up speed. The windows were up, but because of the speed Lovino could still hear the wind hitting the body of the car. The ride was smooth and the roads fortunately became empty, for which he was grateful because he could no longer see through his tears. He let out a choked sob as the memorial flowers came into view and a pedestrian jumped out of his way, and he held his breath as he crashed through the fence. He could hear nothing but his heart beating as the rocks below got closer and closer, for a few moments he felt like he was flying.

An almighty crash filled the air, the disastrous sound of crunching metal and breaking glass, then nothing but the sounds of the ocean fading away.

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**I'm sorry~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**I'm also not going to start begging for forgiveness for the lateness of the chapter because I think you get it by now ;) I will one day get better XD **

**Plus this thing was EVIL to write. I had so many different ideas as to how but this one wouldn't leave me alone D: **

**So ja, any questions? XD Kudos points to whoever guesses who the pedestrian was XD -will be explained later but still- **

**I hope to update soon~ I think this will be the only time the structure is like this... I hope so XD **

**Now, tell me how I did? I love you guys and your reviews XD they just fill me with joy :') **

**Seriously! Sometimes they're short, sometimes pages long, sometimes formal and eloquent and other times a buttonmash of enthusiasm. No matter how they are I love them dearly **

**So thank you for being my readers~ Hope to get the next chapter done soon but it is exam time D: so we shall see ja? ^-^ **

**One more thing, like this chapter was a little...IDK. But if it effects you or you just want to talk, just PM me, ja :3 I'll give you my skype or email or even my phone number if you'd like~ I don't want any of you guys feeling like you don't have anyone to talk to 'kay? SO if you ever do feel like that, just message me ^-^ I know I suck at responding to reviews etc XD but I'll prioritize with getting back to you :3 **

**~Oresama**


	25. Fault

_**Myriads of broken reeds all still and stiff, **_  
_**Like me who have no love which this wild rain **_  
_**Has not dissolved except the love of death, **_  
_**If love it be towards what is perfect and **_  
_**Cannot, the tempest tells me, disappoint.**_

_**-Edward Thomas: 'Rain'**_

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Antonio saw Feliciano in the waiting room, head clutched tightly in desperate hands. Francis and Gilbert were coming up behind him, their light jog not enough to keep up with Antonio's sprint. The Spaniard placed a hand on Feliciano's quivering shoulder, crouching down to eye-level with him. "Have you heard anything yet?" He asked softly.

_Slap!_

His face recoiled, already reddening from the attack. His confused emerald gaze met enraged golden-brown as Feliciano rose from his seat. "You bastard! You were supposed to be watching him, to be protecting him!" Antonio took a hesitant step back, warily watching the Italian's clenched fist.

"I know, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I don't give a fuck if you're sorry!" He interrupted the Spaniard's pathetic apologies, "the doctors are trying to resuscitate my brother because of what you did, you fucking-" A frustrated scream broke from his lips and he clutched his head again, pain jolting through his body. Gilbert and Francis finally caught up, and the Frenchman immediately tried to wrap himself around the hysterical Italian. "Get away from me!" The young man screamed, shoving the blonde off him. "You shouldn't be here either! Everyone knew you hated my brother!"

Francis looked hurt, "So what if I did? People change. Don't pretend to be innocent in all this!"

"What did I do?" He sounded outraged at the accusation, "I've never hurt Lovino?"

"You're the one who moved out!" The blonde replied, "Even I noticed that you and your boyfriend were too busy with each other that you didn't notice that Lovino might have needed you."

"What's Ludwig got to do with anything?" Gilbert interrupted harshly. "If anything it's _his_ fault!" The German pointed at Antonio.

"Excuse me? I'm the only one here who doesn't blame him for what happened!" He yelled over the group.

Gilbert squared up to Antonio, releasing feelings he had held in since seeing the wreckage. "No, you're just the one who played with his feelings, tried to fuck him and then abandoned him!" He snapped, harshly poking the taller man's chest for emphasis.

Feliciano froze, "You did what?"

"That is not what happened and you know it!" Antonio tried to defend himself from the judgemental stares around him.

Gilbert glared, leaning closer. "You were bored and lonely, and he was innocent and easy to manipulate…"

"It wasn't like that."

"You took advantage of him."

"I _love _him!" Time stopped as everyone just stared at him. He could feel everyone's piercing gaze on him and he lowered his eyes so he didn't have to face their horrified looks.

No one moved for a long time, everything just stopped. Nurses froze in the halls, patients stopped walking…even the machines in the wards seemed to stop. The spell was broken by Feliciano, who was staring at the Spaniard curiously, head tilted to the side.

"I think you should leave…" The Italian's voice was light and airy, a direct contrast to the uncontrollable rage he had been expressing moments before. The sudden change made Antonio freeze. "I said get out." That light tone was eerie, and Antonio almost missed the screaming.

"No." The Spaniard exhaled, straightening where he stood.

"Leave." The voice was firmer now, but Antonio was resolved to stay. He needed to know if Lovino was going to be okay, so he moved to one of the visitors chairs and sat down, ignoring the Italian's demands selfishly.

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Silence filled the room once more, but it was solemn silence. They were waiting to hear if Lovino was alive or dead, and no one knew what to say about that. They were all thinking the same things, _'what could I have done?' 'how could I have prevented this?' 'what role did I play in making him do this?'_

Feliciano remembered Lovino knocking at his door, his brother had asked for his help moments before trying to kill himself, and his head hung in guilty shame. Antonio wrapped his arm around the younger brother, thinking of how he had rejected Lovino so harshly back in Spain before coldly abandoning him for his own sake. Gilbert wondered how he could blame the others, when he had never done anything to help. Francis would never forget the shock he had felt when he'd pulled the tiny, fragile body from the wreckage; years of hate and anger dissipated in an instant, and all he could do now was pray for forgiveness for ever hating someone so much that he'd been _relieved_ to see the body of the boy, and not his friend, unconscious in the broken shell of a car. His old hatred of Lovino could never compare to the hatred he had for himself when the gravity of his thoughts hit him.

At long last a doctor came through with a solemn look on his tired face. He stood before them, chart under one arm. "I'm sorry, we did all we could, but Lovino-" Alarms suddenly went off in the near distance, and people began yelling. There was a massive commotion, trolleys being wheeled in and out of the waiting room as the clipboard fell from the Doctor's grasp. He ran to the source of the noise, leaving the shocked group in his wake.

Feliciano sobbed violently, clutching at his sides he began to rock backwards and forwards. "Lo-vi-no." He choked out between breaths, body growing cold. Antonio felt numbness overcome him, and he could only stare ahead while the younger Italian went into shock. The Spaniard felt himself being shoved out the way by someone, as people tried to calm down the frantic teen beside him. He didn't feel it, his vision just changed so the room was slanted now, the colours draining away until everything was a pale grey. _Lovino is...dead? Lovino is dead. Lovino killed himself and I did nothing. It's all my fault, I killed Lovino Vargas..._

_._

The doctor's feet quickly entered his vision, and the Spaniard instinctively looked up.

"We were able to restart his heart! It's been tough, but he's stable. He's a fighter, this one." It took a while for the Spaniard to process what he'd heard. Lovino…was alive. He bolted out of his seat and towards the doctor, clutching the man's bloodied coat desperately.

"He's okay?" He asked, green eyes alight with hope. The doctor nodded, grinning with obvious relief. "Can we see him?"

The doctor's smile fell as he bit his lip, obviously torn. "Fine." He said with a sigh, "Two at a time, and make it brief. He's unconscious right now and it's better if he stays that way for now. The nurses will need to move him soon, so you have a little time." Feliciano stared at the man in awe, and he slowly rose to join Antonio in entering the hospital room.

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A strong scent of blood was present before the door to the hospital room was even fully opened. Antonio felt his breath quicken as he stepped inside. He couldn't bring himself to look at the broken young man he knew would be in the bed, instead he stared at the floor and berated himself for his cowardice. However, Feliciano's horrified gasp made him tear his eyes from the floor, and the small cry of pain left his lips without him realising.

There was almost no visible skin on Lovino's body other than his face. Even then, the man's forehead and right cheek was heavily gauzed. Tubes were attached at both elbows and backs of hands, feeding him either blood or IV fluids for both malnourishment and dehydration, while an oxygen mask covered his lower face. "My God…" Antonio whispered, scared to move any closer.

They stood in silence for a while, just watching the unconscious young man as his chest rose and fell. The signs of life were a huge comfort for those conscious to see it, it reassured them that their worst nightmare wasn't happening and that Lovino really was alive.

"Antonio?" Feliciano's voice was soft and sad, Antonio hummed to show he'd heard. "When we leave here, you're going to go back to your dorm-room and remove your things from there."

"What?"

"Then, you're going to leave him alone. You're never going to talk to him again unless it's about school. You pretend like you don't know him better than any other student. Otherwise the school will find out about you and my brother's _intimate_ _relationship_."

Antonio turned to look at Feliciano, who was staring straight ahead. "But they'd fire me if they even suspected anything was happening!" Antonio said, shocked at the usually innocent man's threat.

"I know." Antonio swallowed audibly, incredulous at the blackmail he was receiving. "It's hardly like he was going to return your feelings anyway. This just means that no-one has to get hurt, si?" Antonio bit his lip as a lump formed in his throat. He hung his head in defeat, running a hand over his tired eyes. He moved forward to take a motionless hand in his own, he wanted to know that he was still alive, that Lovino still lived within that beaten body. Before he could move however, he felt something pulling him back. "Don't." The command was soft, but it could have been screamed with the power it held over the older man. He was powerless to Feliciano. Unable to bear the pain in his chest any longer, Antonio left.

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**_Why would I want to watch you,  
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time?  
What's your rush now, everyone will have his day to di_**_**e**_

_**-A Perfect Circle: 'The Outsider'**_

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_**.**_

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**Exam times again! Oh how I loathe them! A new day, a new ark and all that...**

**I don't know, I'm tired! XD**

**Hope you enjoyed this, it was hard to get it out XD Writers block hit me hard! Plus, plans for next big story have been plaguing me horrendously! **

**As always, I love you all! This story is kinda almost ish sorta coming to an end XD :') Ack I'll miss it! D: but a new story will be born from the ashes! As well as another HUGE HUGE HUGE one after that XD (I'm talking 3-series-long-at-least) unless something interrupts this plan of course XD **

**So, please review! I really do love them XD even the angry ones were so endearingly sweet! :')**

**Oh, another note, I may randomly do little shots for other shows (e.g. Naruto or something) but Hetalia will be my main priority, I just love KakaIru more than Reese's peanut butter cups (the only American chocolate I will ever admit to liking) **

**~Oresama**

**P.S. if anyone was wondering, pedestrian was Francis...can anyone guess why~? ;)  
**


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